u/AdmiralAntVenom

Hi! I’m a 26M with a 28F partner and we have been dating for 2 years now. I need some advice and help either processing mentally or how to discuss my feelings in a way that makes both my partner and I happy. For some context, when my partner and I got together she was in a non-monogamous relationship but we have been monogamous for an over a year now. if I’m being honest with myself, I really prefer us as monogamous. Out of the blue, about a month ago she’s asked if we could open the relationship again to her finding FWBs but she did not want an additional partners. I appreciate that she only wants to stay with me as a partner but I tried to hold my ground and said I didn’t want to open to fwb but was fully supportive of her using apps to find friends. When I tried to communicate this she said it’s the easiest way for her to make friends and it should be fine cause I didn’t care before. I didn’t want to push back and argue more because if she really just wanted friends that’s a wonderful goal and we could discuss physical boundaries later but in hindsight I wish I did. To say she is obsessed with dating apps and messaging other men right now would be an understatement. She is constantly sending people messages at every moment of the day and said she can’t keep track of how many people she is talking to. She also keeps it in secrecy from me turning away or avoiding/basically ignoring me when talking to other men on these apps. This obsession is what frustrates me the most. It has consumed her entire life. There is no balance. The other part that upsets me the most is that we have talked about our boundaries and she reassured me that she is looking for friends mostly but she has since now joined feeld and has been exclusively talking sexual and kink stuff with some of these men. Every time I bring up how it makes me feel she says I’m being controlling or that she just wants to make friends but I can’t deny that it makes me really upset. I’ve been all over the place with her trying to meet her in the middle and ignore my feelings. I’m now trying to give it an honest attempt but I know that it makes me really upset, and borderline paranoid. I want her to be able to make friends and have some middle ground but I have no idea how to approach this. Thanks.