So basically I want to know if I'm the asshole in this situation where I and my Fiancée are at a stand still. Firstly I want to say that I love my Fiancée very much and we've been together for nearly 4 years enaged for almost 1. we live together and are usually happy until she recently discovered that I sometimes seek "attention" from others online. She got really upset when she saw the sexts and pictures in my dms with these people. she says I am in the wrong for breaking her trust and by disrespecting her. Though I told her that I'm not doing anything wrong as I don't see it as cheating because I am not looking for romantic relationships with the people I am talking to in this way. I explain to her that it's all just words and no action is being taken, yet she's still mad at me and turns into a massive fight. she knows I love her but I still don't get why she's mad. I even told her I talk to all my friends this way and it is normal to do so, she argues it's not and that she wants me to stop. I don't want to stop because it's not fair. So am I the asshole?

TLDR: I originally deleted this because I was not handling the responses well but please what am I doing wrong. Am I in the wrong for cheating when I'm not cheating. Tell it to me straight. Could she leave me for something like this? Is that fair?

My boyfriend (24M) has a friend and his girlfriend vents to him about their relationship. Recently about his friend’s porn addiction. That makes me uncomfortable because it feels pretty personal to be discussing with someone else’s boyfriend.
I’m trying to figure out if this is a valid boundary or if it’s just my jealousy or insecurity.

TLDR: My boyfriend’s friend’s girlfriend has been venting to him about personal relationship issues. It makes me uncomfortable. Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend and I live an hour away from each other and we both work on weekdays so we usually hang out on weekends and we would have sleepovers.

My boyfriend has this close female friend that he grew up with since elementary school and she recently came back after graduation. I have hung out with them and they are all really chill and cool, including the girl. She is really nice too and she has a bf that lives other of country and they have been dating for over 6 years? They live like 15 minutes away from each other and she doesn’t really have a car and currently she is looking for jobs so shes at home most of the time. Whenever the group of friends hang out, he would always pick her up and drive her back home after the hang out, he would also invite her to play volleyball as they both play it. My boyfriend is very considerate of me too, whenever they hang out together as a group he would invite me too. He is the best bf ever literally, he would always bring me everywhere with his friends and volleyball games too. I do not play any volleyball and I grew out of state so I do not have friends whereas him and his female friend knows a lot of people.

I have always felt insecure because like I’ve mentioned before he would drive her around a lot and stuff.

So recently he has been inviting her out for volleyball a lot and one day we, my bf, his friend and me went to this game. I was just sitting there because I don’t play, the both of them were playing and practicing with each other. And while they played and one of the people asked his other friend “oh are they dating?” And that friend said no and that I was the girlfriend. Hearing that kinda made me feel sad and more insecure because in other people’s eyes, they must have looked like they were dating. Am I wrong for feeling jealous and upset at this?

TLDR : I \[25F\]my boyfriend \[26M\]and I have been dating for over a year and he has this close group of friends that he grew up with since he was in elementary school. The group consists of girls and guys. There is one female friend \[26F\] that always made me feel insecure.

My (20F) boyfriend (19M) and I are leaving for a month-long trip together in a couple of days, and he’s flying out tomorrow before I do. Lately I’ve been feeling really anxious about our relationship, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking or if my concerns are reasonable.
Earlier in our relationship, I found out he had been talking to other girls online. Some of the messages crossed boundaries for me, and it caused a lot of trust issues that I’m still trying to work through. Since then, he says he’s changed and has stopped doing those things.
One of my biggest boundaries is porn. I’ve told him I don’t want porn or sexual content to be part of our relationship because of his past and because he told me he struggled with it before.
Today I went through his phone, and I know that wasn’t okay. While I was looking, I checked his Steam purchase history. I saw that six days ago, when we had a fight and I wasn’t at his house, he bought a game that I had been iffy about before. I felt kind of pressured into saying it was okay because he told me it wasn’t a hentai game.
But alongside that purchase, I also saw that he bought an actual furry porn game.
What makes this even harder is that yesterday we had a long conversation about my anxiety surrounding his past porn use. He told me he hadn’t done anything like that in a long time. Then I found that purchase from six days ago, and now I don’t know what to believe. I don’t know if buying a porn game counts as a relapse for him, if he intentionally hid it, or if I’m interpreting it differently than he would.
The hardest part is that when I’m with him, I usually feel okay. But whenever we’re apart, my mind starts spiraling. I replay everything that’s happened, wonder if he’s hiding things, and question whether I can trust him. I don’t want to constantly accuse him of things if he’s genuinely trying to change, but I also don’t want to ignore something that feels like a broken boundary.
We’re about to spend a month traveling together with his family, and I’m completely torn on what to do.
Should I confront him about what I found before the trip, even if it could make the trip really awkward or even ruin it? Or should I wait until we get back so we can have the conversation without being stuck together on vacation for a month?
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, whether you think I’m overreacting or not. I’m just feeling really confused and don’t know what to trust anymore.

TLDR: My boyfriend has a history of crossing boundaries with other girls online and struggling with porn, which caused major trust issues. Yesterday he told me he hadn’t done anything in a long time, but today I looked through his phone and found that six days ago, after we had a fight, he bought a furry porn game on Steam after previously telling me another game wasn’t porn. Now I don’t know what to believe. We’re leaving for a month-long trip with his family in a couple of days, and I can’t decide if I should confront him before the trip or wait until we get back.

Edit 1: also I just remembered, while on that break, the same day, he had another Reddit account, I think a throwaway and I saw him comment at a ladyboy post, saying yes for the poster to send him 12 videos or sm. I chucked it off as maybe him trolling or sm, but when I asked to go through his phone he already had it deleted and adamantly said he never had another account.

tldr: Me [M24] and my girlfriend [F24] have been together for a year now ever since I moved to this city. We’ve talked about wanting a future together, marriage, all of that. I want this to work, but lately I feel like we keep getting stuck in the same emotional cycle and I don’t know how to handle it anymore.

For context, I work long, stressful shifts in cybersecurity. Some days are 10–11 hours and I get home late around midnight. Recently work has been wearing me down badly. I’ve been written up before from pissing off a big Fortune 500 company, I’ve been scared about losing the job, and I’ve had a lot of stress outside of work too, including a death in my family and having no navigate family drama even though it’s state away/deal with no contact with some family members. Most weekends I’m honestly drained and just want to sleep or do something lowkey because I’m still trying to build a life out here.

The problem is my girlfriend has started feeling like I don’t want to hang out with her or that I’m pushing her away. I understand why it might look that way because I’m tired a lot, but it’s not because I don’t care about her. I’m just exhausted like crazy due to me having a later shift.

This pattern seemed to start around her birthday a few months ago. Her birthday was during the week and she had multiple birthday events planned. We agreed on one lunch time that worked with my job, but later it changed to dinner the week of and I couldn’t make it because of work. I still saw her and celebrated with her, but she was really hurt and felt like I didn’t prioritize her. I apologized and tried to fix it, but I feel like since then, any time I’m tired, busy, or not fully energetic, it gets interpreted as me not loving her or not wanting her.

Another recent issue was that I opened up to her about something uncomfortable that happened at work involving a girl she is friends with. I told her it made me feel violated and weird. Instead of feeling supported, it turned into her asking if I liked that girl or if I didn’t want her to have friends. We eventually settled it, but it left me feeling like even when I bring up something that hurt me, it can turn into me having to defend myself.

This week she told me she feels like I never have energy when we hang out and that I don’t like hanging out with her. I sent her a long text explaining that work has been extremely exhausting, that I’m drained, that I care about her, and that I’m not trying to push her away. I also said the job doesn’t feel sustainable anymore and I need to make a plan before making any big decisions.

At the same time, I have a camping trip with coworkers/friends this weekend that was already planned. She finally has a weekend off from her new job, so I think she’s hurt that I’ll be gone. I get why that would hurt, but I also feel like I shouldn’t have to cancel my plans to prove I care. Similar to how I used to solo travel like crazy now I try not to because I always feel guilty.

I know I’m not perfect. I can be moody, tired, and not always present. But I feel like I’m constantly having to reassure her that I love her, that I want her, that I’m not pulling away, and that my exhaustion isn’t about her. It’s starting to make me feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

I don’t want to end things. I want to make this work. But I also don’t want every tired night, work stress, or friend plan to become proof that I don’t love her.

How do I reassure her and repair this without giving up my own needs, rest, friendships, and mental health? At what point is reassurance healthy versus becoming a cycle? And how do I talk to her about this without making her feel blamed?

I [23F] feel insecure over my [24M] boyfriend’s TikTok watch history. Before my boyfriend and I started officially dating, last April, I noticed he followed a lot of gorgeous women on TikTok. None of them honestly looked like me. I’m a midsize girl and just average looking. I talked to him about his following and told him it made me insecure. He unfollowed the girls right away.

This past month my bf went on a spiel about how he wanted to delete TikTok, his only form of social media off his phone. Although he signed into his account on my phone for occasional brainrot doomscrolls. One night I had a weird feeling and decided to go through his watch history. Yes, I know this is bad, but temptation won me over. As I scrolled through I found multiple videos of these girls again. He’d find a girls profile then binge through their pages.
One of these scrolling episodes was just days after our first anniversary. Which is in May.

I confronted him immediately after. I asked him why and he said he had a lust addiction and that was part of the reason he’d deleted the app. That he was sorry and would be more honest with me in the future.

It’s been almost a month since that main conversation, followed with small ones after. I can’t seem to get over it. I think about it at least once a day and question my own looks and if he truly finds me attractive. Some days I just stare at myself in the mirror and I feel sad and understand why he would look at those girls. I simply just don’t compare. I really don’t know what my next move should be. I genuinely love him but I just can’t get over it. I need advice.

TLDR: I [23F] feel insecure over my [24M] boyfriend’s TikTok watch history. Before we started dating I talked to him about him following dozens of girls. He unfollowed them. Although a year later, I saw him viewing multiple girls on TikTok, scrolling through their profiles and binging their videos, just days after our first anniversary. I’m really insecure about it, and keep thinking about it. What should I do?

ok, so basically I wanted to get someone’s opinion on if i’m overreacting or if i’m valid in being upset about the principle of the situation. i’m also open to advice on how to bring this up if anyone thinks i should.

this kinda starts with the fact that gta 6 is coming out in november (which ive been raving about for years—probably annoyingly) and i grew up playing the gta 5 since i was a preteen. so, as one can maybe tell, im a little bit overexcited. i don’t usually buy new things or things for myself but im really excited about this and have been waiting for pre orders to come out. my girlfriend is aware that i play video games, but im not a hardcore gamer (i maybe play once or twice a week).

i saw this trend on tik tok that was like “buying my gf/bf gta 6” and i thought it was cute, so as one does, i sent it and a few similar videos to my girlfriend as mostly a joke (i didn’t take it that seriously). so the other day she texts me and tells me that it has been annoying to receive gta 6 tik toks. i said sorry i didn’t mean to annoy her and asked why. she said she’s not buying me it and feels like ive annoyed her by asking so much (i think i only directly asked her once but i may be wrong about this). she also said she doesn’t want to feel obligated to buy me anything and that it’s no longer a surprise if she does it. i emphasized that in no way did i ever expect her to buy it and she should NOT feel obligated, as it’s near $100.

she then continued on by saying that she just bought me an anniversary gift and says i’m not grateful for that at all. this made me feel really bad bc i thought i showed how grateful i was for that (as it was a really cool gift). however, i do want to note that we both decided that for our anniversary we would not do gifts at all and she decided out of the blue to do so, not leaving me enough time to get her something equally as cool. most of the things she does get me throughout the year (christmas, anniversary, etc.) are things she assumes i’d like or kinda only things i like that she approves upon (or known things about me). i’m not sure if that makes sense, but again, i want to emphasize that i am in no way ungrateful for anything she’s given me. her love language is gift giving so she kinda takes it upon herself to give stuff she THINKS id like.

i’m not a huge asker of things i want, as i said before, i don’t really need anything so i don’t usually ask for anything. i’m a pretty frugal person, except when it comes to her lol so i usually get her whatever she wants or asks for (unless super unreasonable). she, on the other hand, is a big buyer. she loves to shop but is generally ok with money otherwise. she is still in undergrad and gets pretty much everything paid for by her parents (car, rent, gas, insurance, food, etc.) so she doesn’t really need money besides for fun purchases. i have a great job right now, which i’m thankful for, but this fall i’ll be going back to law school, so i’m trying to save up best i can and not run my credit cards up.

here’s where my previous ramblings kinda connect lol. so when she started getting defensive ish about the game she said that she’s trying to save for school, which i did not fight so i just said ok and kinda accepted that. then she said it’s giving broke boyfriend if she bought it for me. i just feel like it’s kinda condescending and out of touch given my situation vs. hers. not that i expect her to buy me anything! but, just wanted to add that for context.

TLDR: i just feel like this is NOT a big deal in the long run, which is why i did not bring it up at all and just apologized to her and dropped it and let her kinda just argue with me. however, i think there’s the principle of like i wanna feel safe asking my gf for big things and i think if she didn’t wanna buy me that it’s perfectly fine but i wish she would’ve just said “im sorry i think financially it’s just not gonna work right now but maybe in the future” or idk. im just looking for others opinions and advice on what kinda convo to have about this if its worth it. things li

[supprimé]

First of all, sorry for the long post. My partner [33M] and I [28F], have been together for about 4 years. We have lived together for 2 years, and for the most part we have no issues. Things are great. But he is incapable of saying sorry when he is in the wrong. He gets very defensive and will say things like "well sorry im such an idiot that cant do nothing right!" Or "all you do is complain about me!". Idk why tho because im a very chill girlfriend, and we rarely have any arguments. But he is very blunt and will say things that hurt me, sometimes a lot, without caring at all about my feelings. He has no confidence in me at all like he doesn't think i can do anything. For instance, I used to be a boxer so I would work out 3 times a day and was in great shape. I haven't for a few years due to several injuries and yes I've gained some weight, but im starting to get into working out again. And the other day we were driving by the running trail I wanted to start running on and I said "I wonder if my shins will be able to handle the asphalt all the way" and he replied in the rudest manner "probably not". Idk how to explain it but it was almost like he was laughing. This really hurt my feelings and honestly made me cry for a bit. That was the final straw for me. In the past when I've asked him to apologize to me he has just waited it out and he knows I dont stay upset for too long. It's true, I have a hard time staying mad. But this time ive had enough. All I want is for him to give me a real, genuin apology and take accountability. It's been 4 days of silence. He is now mad and acting as if it is all my fault. And yesterday while in bed I asked him if he could actually sleep well knowing how much im hurting because of him and he replied "yes?" As if it was a stupid fucking question. This made me break down. Idk what to do. Any advice on what I can do to get him to apologize? I dont want to leave him but I feel like this could become a huge problem in the future.. i am currently looking at apartments online but idk if im overreacting. I feel disrespected, unappreciated and like im not even worthy of an apology.. i love him and his family soo much but is this something to leave him over? 💔

TLDR: My partner [33M] never apologizes to me for anything even though he really hurt me. Should I leave him over this?

My current partner used to tell me all the time that I was incredibly kind and that's why he fell in love with me. Once, he did something really terrible, and afterward he even said he couldn’t believe he had done something like that to “the nicest person in the world.”
But for the past 2–3 years, mostly during arguments, he has been calling me almost the embodiment of evil. He says I have a victim mentality, that I’m a horrible and disgusting person. He weaponizes my past abusive relationship against me, degrading my experience. Which causes me to being reactive - it triggers me so much and he KNOWS it.
The thing is, after we argue, he’s the one who can go back to playing PlayStation, eating, sleeping, and carrying on with life as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t enjoy my hobbies, because the arguments affect me so deeply. Yea now I probably sound like a victim-mentality-pickme. I don't know anymore..

TLDR
Please, how do I know if I’m evil? How do I know if I’m a bad person? Please tell me how I can tell. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I [33M] am starting a new job in 2 weeks. I’m making a career pivot into a new but very small/competitive field where there aren’t that many spots that open up a year, and was lucky enough to also land at a great company with a great team.

The only catch was the role was a bit more junior than I’d like…so it’s important I come in and make a great impression so I can move up on a fast timeline (I discussed this with the company owner before joining, and they do this frequently with hires who come from other industries). It’s also a very small team (20-30 ppl), and the person who does hiring is someone I’d work closely with/is more senior than me.

I made a new friend Mark [40M] about a month ago who also kind of works in this field. I say kind of because i don’t think they’ve had a full time role in this field before…only commission based which is a little different.

Mark is also very interested at working at said company…but the company only has one open role left and I’m not sure if it’s a fit. Friend has around 20 years of work experience, and the role company wants is 5 years of experience. This field is also one where the bar is super high/it’s more competitive if you have over 15 years of experience, and this person doesn’t have the skills that are particularly in demand right now.

Mark asked me for a referral, and I responded saying it’s probably too junior a role. He responded saying he’d still love an intro and would see if he could talk the role up. He also has been extra nice, offering gifts/favors/etc…and I am not sure what to do. I like Mark and really want to help bc it’s soo hard to break in, but don’t want to make a bad impression to the company.

Redditors please help! What do I do to maintain a good relationship with Mark without hurting my job?

TLDR; Mark wants a referral to my company…but it’s a very small company and I am worried endorsing him will hurt my job.

We have been together for almost 5 years and the issue is whenever I go out, wherever it may be, my bf tends to go through my ipad or if i’m sleeping possibly my phone. I was especially upset one night and changed my ipad password to see if he’d notice. We had an argument one night and apologized for going through all of my messages etc and that was that, I forgave him. Tonight, fourth of july I came home in hopes of winding down cuddling watching tv he asked why i changed my pw. I couldn’t really give a coherent answer bc I was drunk. He then went to lay on the couch and ignore me. I asked why he was laying out here and why he can do it but when I do he tells me i’m either immature, ridiculous, dramatic, sensitive, or all of the above. I just went to eat smth to try and sober up and calm down.

Anyways, what I worry about is if he’s projecting? I know people online aren’t always right but hearing so many people say that that behavior could mean he is doing something he shouldn’t and is going through my stuff in fear I may be doing it as well, I can’t help but worry. I don’t go through his phone or pc because I feel no reason to so I just feel hurt over this bc I just feel he views me so negatively. I also have nothing to hide but it still feels like an invasion of my privacy. Nothing related to infidelity but sometimes there’s just text threads I prefer he doesn’t read between either me and my friends or me and my family.

TLDR; My bf keeps snooping through my ipad and phone messages and I worry he may be projecting his own behaviors/actions onto me

Hi everyone. I could really use some advice on how to move forward after an argument with my fiancé.

English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

My fiancé (30M) and I (30F) had an argument a few days ago after I brought up something that had been bothering me. I brought up the fact that he is a bit too friendly with the opposite gender and that it rubs me the wrong way. The conversation became aggresive, we both said mean things to each other, and afterward I realized I could have approached it much better. I apologized the following day by text, but I haven't received a response, and he hasn't spoken to me since.

I'm not used to this kind of situation because it comes off as immature on his end, so I'm unsure what the best next step is. Part of me thinks I should respect his space and wait until he's ready to talk. Another part of me wonders if I should send a more thoughtful apology since my first one was written while I was still emotional and it was not that heartfelt. Do I give him time and expect he will want to talk in a few days or do I send a follow up apology text?

I'd really appreciate any advice.

TLDR: we had a fight and now I don't know how to deal with the silent treatment

I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for a little less than 6 months. When we got together he didn’t have a job and was the most sensitive, kind, loving and accommodating person ever.

As of late, he has had no time for me, we are more like friends, he takes hours (sometimes over 10 hours) to reply, doesn’t call me and always has valid reasons for cancelling our dates.

I know that sounds really crazy, but he actually has everything awful or everything overwhelmingly amazing happen to him only when i expect him to do something nice that day or even a date.

For example, brother runs away from home, dad gets a promotion, someone gets laid off, family comes to visit, he totals his car. Everything when we are supposed to go on a date. And i have receipts of everything, so i know he’s not lying.

I’ve talked to him about it but he refuses to understand that he’s hurting me and always says that he loves me a lot, the situation is just out of his hands.

Is there any way i can solve this ridiculous situation? Because even if i leave, I’ll be the bad guy here and I do love him.

TLDR: My [21F] boyfriend [23M] keeps cancelling on me and disappearing but it’s all for justified reasons and i know he’s not lying. How am i supposed to make it better?

Hi I’m lost and i need some advice. Long story short I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a year but had to move a few hours away about 7 months into our situationship. we both decided long distance wasn’t for us but we just can’t seem to stay away from each other. We have never had a talk about being exclusive or anything like that. but we make points to see each other and keep in touch.

He’s making the drive (7 hours) to come visit me in a few days. Here’s the messy part. Last night i went on a date with a guy, it was going well and i was a little tipsy so he came back to my place. I told him I didn’t want to have sex and he said that was fine, well fast forward to us hooking up he stuck his penis inside of me. I immediately told him no and he stoped. he wasn’t wearing a condom.

The issue is this man i’ve been seeing i really like a lot, I can see a future with him. AND the kicker is i saw him 2 weeks ago and we didn’t use a condom, so he’s going to know i was with someone in the 2 weeks in between… last night was the first time ive hooked up with anyone but him. me and this guy never use condoms but are always open with each other about getting tested and things like that. I don’t have time to get screened for any STDs before we comes, so do I call him before hand and tell him what happened and that we will have to use a condom? do I wait until he gets here to bring it up? I just feel so nasty and guilty about the whole situation. I don’t know if he’s been seeing other people but I don’t want him to drive all the way here and then get upset.

TLDR: seeing each other for about a year, i really like him. hooked up with someone else a week before im supposed to see him. never use condoms. do i tell him before he drives 7 hours to see me or wait till he gets here.

Hello! I'll try to be as concise as possible. I really need to hear some outside perspective on this.

I'm (23F) and I've been with my boyfriend (26M) for about a year now. We had a few issues at the start, but we've worked through most of them, except for one.

Since the very beginning, he's been stuck in a state of sadness and frustration. He feels like a failure because he isn't earning money yet, can't help his mother with expenses, and can't afford to treat me to gifts or outings. None of that is happening right now. I thought that along the way it could be solved, because it is something material.

For me, those things weren't a priority at first. I cared more about building a strong, loving relationship where we could both grow. But I won't lie, it does hurt to see other people receiving flowers, small romantic details, planned dates, and little gestures that I don't get.

He's never felt good about this. For months, it's weighed on him, but he also hasn't done much to change it. Literally nothing. He says that while he's studying, he can't work full-time, and that he's only being offered full-time positions.

He's deeply sad. He tells me he knows I deserve more. And I honestly don't need a man with money since I don't ask for much. But I think he wants to give me a lot, and because he can't, he feels unable to give me even a little. I'm not sure.

The thing is, he treats me wonderfully, like a princess, personally. But outside of that, we can barely do anything. I always end up paying for both of us, sometimes even just to be able to see each other. So no, I'm not living the kind of relationship I'd hoped for, except for the emotional warmth. It hurts to feel like I have a beautiful relationship with a purely material obstacle.

Why can't he move forward if this hurts him so much? It's been months. I understand it's a structural issue, but it still affects us personally. He sometimes disappears for hours because he's overwhelmed by this situation. We can't enjoy a simple outing because he feels guilty that I have to pay. And I love him, truly, but it's painful to see that he's not growing alongside me, and that I'm not living what I want either.

I can wait for him. But I don't know how much longer I can endure his stagnation and my own unmet desires. Yes, I've talked to him about this, especially lately. His response is that it hurts him to know he might lose me, and that he doesn't want that. But I don't see him doing anything to prevent it. It hurts a lot.

It breaks my heart to think that maybe I'm not important enough for him to change his attitude. I wonder if I'm not being supportive enough. He says that's not the case, so what is it then?

I wish I could have with him what I want. But I'm also so young. It may just not be with him.

So I'm trying to understand: do you think that our personal desires, the different stages we're in, and our current circumstances are things we simply can't overcome, and that makes ending it inevitable? Or do you think I should wait a little longer? And if so, for how long?

Ty!

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TLDR: Been together 1 year. He's 26, stuck without a job, sad, and not changing. I pay for everything, miss romantic gestures, and feel like I'm outgrowing him. He says he doesn't want to lose me but does nothing. Do I leave or wait, and for how long?

My [30F] boyfriend [30M] views depression and anxiety as a dealbreaker

I’ve been in therapy for years working out childhood issues and trauma from past relationships. I’m at a place where I feel secure enough to date with purpose and have healthy coping mechanisms. Well I told my bf that although I feel healthy, I struggle with depression and anxiety from time to time (normal stressful life events such family deaths, job loss, etc). I said this to probe compatibility and his emotional intelligence. He responded “is that going to affect me. Is it going to get between us?” Furthermore he pretty much said he cant really deal with that. When I heard him say that, i realize it wasn’t the answer I expected. Because to me that’s the same news as being told my partner has cancer. I’d be all in and support them 10000% if they are receptive to treatment of course and not neglecting their health by choice.

I was a little taken back and didn’t have a response. I need advice on how to approach this.

TLDR: my bf asked if depression and anxiety will get between us. What do I do?

My girlfriend [22F] made some new friends about a year ago, and her family was okay with this group. After that, she started lying to me about them while going on trips with them. We have been together for 3 years. I love her a lot, and she loves me too, but her family is very strict.
This new group, which consists of both men and women, became the perfect excuse for her to go out and have fun because her family does not approve of me. The reason they dislike me is because after 2 years of dating, we accidentally got pregnant due to not being careful. We had to get an abortion because we were young and not ready. We ended up telling her parents because it was very difficult for her to deal with all the pain and discomfort, and I also felt like we should confess. Since then, her parents have been much stricter about letting her go out.
This new friend group includes her cousin and his friends. There is one guy in the group who I was concerned about because he was once accused in a local rape case. I repeatedly told her that I felt he was bad company.
She lied to me three times in five months while spending time with these new friends. Once, while she was on a road trip with them after knowing them for only 1–2 months, one of her friends posted an Instagram reel that appeared on my feed. I questioned her about it, and she initially lied and denied it, but later confessed. I told her that if she wanted to lie and do things behind my back, we should separate. She promised me that she would stop lying.
Later, one of her friends told me that she had still been talking to the same guy, but only because of work since he is a photographer and my girlfriend is a makeup artist. I trusted her, and she promised that she would distance herself from them.
About 6 months ago, she was alone with that guy because he was dropping her off at a nearby city, and she lied to me about it. I only found out because her friend called and told me. I got extremely upset and ended things because I thought she had cheated on me. However, I was wrong to assume that because even her sister, who dislikes me, called me to calm me down and explain the situation.
I eventually calmed down, and we got back together after a week, but things were not the same. I was still very hurt by everything that happened. She then told me she needed time to recover because I had called her a liar, said she did not love me, and accused her of choosing new people over me. She felt a lot of guilt because she thought I believed she was okay with hurting me.
She blocked me everywhere and only reached out after two weeks. She promised she would never do anything like that again. However, about a month ago, she lied to me again. At that point, I was exhausted from constantly being hurt, so I decided to separate from her. She said things like she would always wait for me, but I stopped talking to her.
Two weeks after our separation, I went to a party. There was a girl my friend was trying to hook up with, but she ended up liking me a lot. Eventually, she and I hooked up for about a week.
Around the third week after separating from my girlfriend, I started realizing that I might have made a mistake. I felt a lot of guilt and felt like I had cheated on her, even though we were not together at the time.
Then I found out that her mother was having an operation and that she was very scared. Her friends called me and asked me to help because she was not doing well mentally after we separated, so I started talking to her again.
She told me she could not move on and wanted to get back together. I also realized that I loved her more than I thought. However, now I feel like a terrible person because I slept with someone else while she was unable to move on.
Out of love, I got back together with her yesterday, but the guilt is eating me from the inside. I feel like I cheated on her, and I worry that if she ever finds out in the future, even though she might never know because I do not want to hurt her anymore, she will feel betrayed and leave me.
I am scared that if I tell her, she will start hating me. But now that we are together again, I want to make up for my mistakes by treating her much better and making sure she gets everything she deserves.
I don’t know if I should stay with her because I truly love her, or leave because I feel like I cheated and she deserves better.
TLDR:
My girlfriend [22F] and I [23M] separated because she repeatedly lied about her friends. While we were apart, I hooked up with someone else. She wanted to get back together, and I realized I still love her, but now I feel guilty because I slept with someone while she was unable to move on. Should I stay with her and not tell her about what happened, or should I continue the separation because she deserves better than someone I feel is a cheater?

Not sure if I am overthinking this but here we go. Throwaway because, yeah. I (52F) have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (53M) for a little under 2 years. I live in Chicago. He lives near Myrtle Beach. We work in very different fields but make about the same amount of money. We both have college- aged children who still live at home. Since we've been dating we have seen each other in person 11 times. He has been here twice. All of the other times I have traveled to him. When I go there I pay for flight, hotel and rental car. It's generally about $1,000-$1500 total. He will usually pay for most of the food and activities. When he came here, he paid for his flight and hotel, about $500-800 total. I paid for most of the food and activities.

Is this how it should be? Should he be paying for me to come there at least some of the time?

Let me be clear. I don't NEED the money. It is not a financial hardship for me to pay that amount every few months. I just don't know if it is fair or even if it should be fair. I only know of one other person who was in a LDR and her man paid for her to come out and see him each time. I did ask him to split the hotel cost with me once as it was summer and the prices had gone up considerably. I could have covered it no problem but I didn't see why I should have to . He did pay the portion I asked him to pay but it felt weird to ask. I have not asked since and he has not offered.

A little added info:

Why hotels? Neither of us feel comfortable with the other one staying in the home with our children. Yes they are grown but still.

What's with the rental car? He is legally blind so he cannot drive. I rent a car when I go there. I use my car when he comes here.

Why i go there more often? He works a 9-5 and does not have a great deal of vacation time. The times that he came here were holiday weekends. If he tried to come here on a non-holiday weekend we would only have Friday night to Sunday night together. I, on the other hand, work three 12- hour shifts per week so I can technically be off for 8 days straight without using any PTO (If I work S, M T, I technically don't have to be back to work until the following Th, F, S.) Selfishly, I would rather go there and have 5-6 days together than have him come here for 2-3 days.

How much longer will this go on? We have had serious conversations about marriage. We are committed to one another and know that we want to marry one another. We will likely get engaged within the next year and marry shortly after that.

So what do you think Reddit? Am I overthinking this? Should I bring it up with him or just let it go?

TLDR: should my boyfriend and I be equally splitting the cost to see each other?

**UPDATE:**
I’m a mess right now. I have the mature text asking for space ready to send, but I’m completely paralyzed and crying. I’m terrified that setting this boundary will ruin the relationship and push him away forever. I love him and don't want to break up, I just want things to go back to when we were happy. To make it harder, he is asking for me. How do you find the strength to do this when you're scared it will end everything?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some perspective on my long-distance relationship. We have been together for 2 months. Lately, communicating with my boyfriend has become emotionally exhausting. I love him so much, I genuinely love talking to him, and the thought of losing him hurts deeply. But I don't know what else to do anymore.

Whenever I try to bring up a small issue or ask for a bit more warmth and effort in his texts (like using a sticker or a softer tone), he completely shuts down. He acts incredibly passive-aggressive: he will text me in a very dry, cold manner, but when I ask if something is wrong, he just says "nothing is wrong, we are fine" or "I'm just expressing myself the way I do." I have tried so hard to fix things and communicate, but he keeps insisting that nothing is happening, and I just don't believe him.

This isn't the first time he has thrown a tantrum like this. It’s a recurring pattern. If I try to hold my ground during these episodes, he starts bringing up unrelated mistakes I made months ago just to deflect and make me feel guilty. He even threw a past birthday gift in my face, calling it "terrible," even though the reality was that he just chose to ignore the effort I put into making love coupons for him.

Today, after another exhausting argument where he called me "paranoid" and told me I "just wanted to confuse myself" for simply asking for clear communication, I decided to send him the literal definition of passive-aggressive behavior and told him I needed space. His immediate response to the definition was just a dismissive "I don't have anything wrong with me, but okay."

I haven't replied to that. I'm currently planning to go completely silent and ignore him for a few days so he understands that he is losing me and that my boundaries are real.

However, I'm second-guessing myself. Part of me feels incredibly guilty and worries that maybe I am overreacting or "ruining" the relationship by taking this space. Is going silent the right move here? How do you deal with a partner who completely denies their attitude and turns everything back on you?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Brief TLDR: I [18F] love my LDR boyfriend [18M] of 2 months, but his constant passive-aggression and gaslighting are exhausting. I asked for space today and plan to go silent for a few days, but I feel guilty and don't know if taking this space is the right move.