u/hi_performer9921

My wife [27F] and I [26M] have been married for 1 year, 6 months. Together for 6 years total.
Almost 4 months ago, she took a trip to her hometown, and while she was there she slept with an old hookup partner.
I found out, went to therapy, did all of the things to fix our marriage.
About 2 months ago, I found where she had been messaging him again, and deleting the evidence.
I found out, did everything short of physically filing for divorce.. and decided to give it one last go.
We’re in couples therapy currently. And things are going well.
We’re communicating better, we’re working through things in a healthy way, she’s honestly never been a more attentive and supportive partner.
However, maybe the ship has already sailed? I feel horrible about it, because she’s trying so hard. I truly believe she wants to be with me.
But I am so mentally checked out and walled off emotionally, I’m not happy.
Her presence annoys me, I don’t want to talk with her, I don’t want to spend time with her, I don’t want to confide in her.. our relationship from my POV is currently that of an annoying coworker, just their presence is bothersome.
If asked if I even LIKE her, it would be a difficult question to answer.
That sounds so extreme, but I wonder if anyone has experienced a similar feeling?
Do I love her? Yes! I care for her and her wellbeing.
But do I LIKE her? would we be friends if we weren’t married? I don’t know.
Is this just a trauma response that will heal with time? Will we ever be back to being best friends again?
My heart is telling me I’m not happy, cut it off, divorce her, and spend time making myself happy. Eventually, life will lead me to who I’m meant to be with.
My brain remembers how happy we once were, I married her for a reason? Right?
Such a drastic switch flip is difficult to wrap my head around..
from the love of my life to.. do I even like this person?
Maybe the rose colored glasses have fallen off..

I know I still love and care about her, but I don’t know whether I still want to be married to her. For anyone who has experienced this kind of emotional shutdown after infidelity, did your feelings toward your partner eventually return, or did you realize the betrayal had permanently changed how you saw them? More importantly, how did you figure out which one it was?

TLDR: My wife cheated 4 months ago and later secretly contacted the same guy again. We’re now in couples therapy and she’s doing everything right, but I feel completely checked out and don’t know if this is a temporary response to betrayal or if I’m simply done with the marriage.

I [26M] have been with my wife [27F] for five years and married for one year.

A few months ago, I discovered that my wife had been having an affair with a man from her hometown in New York. A “casual partner” from her past. What made it especially painful was learning that a trip she took home, which she described as being about missing her family and figuring out her identity, was actually planned around seeing him.

It was framed as “I miss home, my family, I need to figure out who I am”.
Some of you might recall a previous post of mine referring to this..
The reality was a planned and well thought out affair vacation with an old “casual partner.”

She stayed with him and had a sexual relationship with him while I believed she was visiting family.

After I found out, we decided to attempt reconciliation. I went to therapy, had a lot of difficult conversations with her, and agreed on several boundaries. One of the most important boundaries was that she would have no further contact with him. She blocked him on social media, deleted Snapchat, and assured me she wanted to focus on rebuilding our marriage.

Recently, I discovered that she resumed contact with him anyway. She communicated with him without telling me, muted and deleted messages, and only blocked him again after I found out.
I found hours of video calls, phone calls, messages, etc..

At this point, I’m struggling with whether reconciliation is still realistic. I love my wife, but I feel exhausted by the repeated dishonesty and I don’t know how many chances are reasonable to give before accepting that the relationship may not be salvageable.

For those who have experienced infidelity or attempted reconciliation after an affair, how did you determine whether trust could still be rebuilt? At what point did you decide enough was enough?

TLDR: My wife had an affair, we reconciled, and one of the conditions was no contact with the affair partner. I recently discovered she resumed contact and hid it from me. Is reconciliation still realistic, or am I prolonging the inevitable?