u/Adorable-Bit222

hey everyone,

not totally sure what the point of this post will be other than to vent and whine.

i'm a lifelong walker/hiker. i don't have daily goals, some days i walk a lot and some not at all. i'm a fairly experienced hiker as well. i can walk 10-20 miles at a pretty consistent 4mph or a bit faster. i'm no mountaineer but i can walk up and down hills all day no problem.

for my 40th birthday, i planned to walk/hike Hadrian's Wall in the UK (84 miles from the north sea to the irish sea). i felt physically prepared and had been doing stretches every morning and night. i knew i could walk or hike many days in a row with no issue.

first day was great and normal. second day was great until it started raining about 10 miles in, and i had another 10 miles to go. i had rain gear but nothing can really prevent water from saturating hiking boots after 10+ miles of walking in wet fields. i dried off my feet and changed my socks but they instantly got wet again. for the first time in my life my achilles was feeling tender. my hiking boots were tried and tested and other than the achilles pain i didn't have any blisters or other types of pain. i was using trekking poles for the first time ever and truthfully if it wasn't for them i may have collapsed.

third day i met up with a friend and we walked about 14 miles - i was wearing comfortable quick dry sneakers i brought while letting my boots dry and it didn't rain at all that day. we both had to call it about 3 miles from the destination for various pains. my achilles got a lot worse. the next day was a rest day but i really wanted to complete those last 3 miles we weren't able to do the day before. i tried my now dry boots, they were so painful. i tried my sneakers and they were also painful. my friend and mom both told me to quit before i did actual damage to myself. this was at the halfway point of the walk. it wound up being logistically fine, we took the train up to glasgow and had a lovely time.

i went to the doctor right when i got home last week and as i suspected, it's achilles tendonitis. i've never had foot or ankle problems before. i've had wrist tendonitis and tennis elbow and piriformis syndrome but nothing that's kept me from walking for a prolonged period of time. i'm not supposed to walk for about a month and if i do they want me in a boot because they know i'll try to walk too fast if i'm not physically restrained in some way. i'm allowed to swim but that involves driving to the pool and currently driving is very painful.

i feel like such a failure. i feel like i let everyone down (no one cares, everyone i know thinks it's cool that i even tried it). it's not a particularly difficult walk/hike. i feel like a large part of my personality is tied up in being a walker - everyone knows of me as an avid walker, i live in a US city that isn't particularly pedestrian friendly because of the infrastructure and weather and i still walk more than most people here. i turned middle aged while using one of my trekking poles as a cane. i feel weak and awful. hopefully with some time and rest and PT i'll be back to normal in the near future but i just feel so bad that i flew halfway across the world to do a walk and wasn't able to complete it. i know stopping when i did was the right move - if i kept going, i'm sure i would have torn it or something horrible like that. i just feel so, so, so bad. i have a history of anxiety and depression but have been pretty ok the past few years and not in therapy and i feel like i'm going to need to go back to therapy just to deal with this. and then i feel stupid that i care as much as i do and am letting it affect me this much. i feel both lucky and guilty that i have a job i can do remotely until i can drive again and good, cheap health insurance and was able to see an orthopedist so quickly. i feel bad about everything and i can't stop spiraling.

that's it. thanks for listening and take care of yourselves.