I want to leave my marriage
We’ve been together for about 5 years with a 3 year old when I married him. We got married because he came back from talking to a recruiter one day and told me he was bringing me back to them so they can tell me what I have to do for him to be on his way to bootcamp asap. Because we had a child together, there was an issue of “child custody” if we were not married which would delay his ship off date. I had to marry him so he can get the bonus money which had a deadline. Within the same week we were married.
3 years to now, my child and I picked up our life in Hawaii to follow him to San Diego. No family, no friends. I’m currently pregnant with our 2nd child.
Since moving here, I have been struggling with the huge change. Our life in Hawaii was great surrounded by friends and family who helped me with child care. I cannot work because we can’t afford child care. We are in so much debt because we had to use our own money for this entire move and to furnish an entire place. Also because he absolutely HAD to buy a brand new car that I wouldn’t be able to drive because it’s manual. I have my own car shipped here which was also paid out of pocket. If he did his due diligence this would’ve been reimbursed by the military but he kept putting it off.
He completely gave up on paying my credit cards and affirm loans which were used for this move. This made my credit (700+) that I worked hard for tank. Mind you, I helped him get his car as a co-signer because I had good credit while he didn’t. My credit also helped with getting approved for the rental for our new place. Now we both have bad credit.
To help with the financial burden, he offered our child’s bedroom to one of his shipmate. I was okay with it at first because I understood the financial reason behind it and I trusted he knew this person well enough for him to live with us. There was also an agreement that his friend can use my car for work if my husband had duty.
Within 2 weeks into his friend moving in, I started to notice his friends lack of manners, and inconsideration for the people around him ( us ) and his hygiene when using the bathroom. I communicated all of these things to my husband so that he can let his friend know. My emotions are also fueled by my pregnancy but I did my best to be patient and let my husband take care of it. But almost 2 months into nothing being done. And within that time frame, his friend has been saying things under his breath every time I’m upset and arguing with my husband. When I told my husband about it, he told his friend “you gotta stop saying things around her” and his friend admits by saying “oh I was trying to be subtle”. A lot of things happened where the common denominator was his friend and my husband made it worse by taking his side and making me feel like I was having issues about nothing. We’ve had really bad fights while his friend was around, my husband defends him and at the same time has said horrible things to me.
This made me resent him. I gave up a lot for this man and he made me feel and look crazy. He let his friend disrespect me and he himself has disrespected me for this person. I have no job, no money, in debt, and pregnant with our second child thousands of miles away from my home. He had more loyalty towards his friends feelings than mines and I’m done. I can’t even pretend anymore. I’m miserable and stuck.