I’ve lost my drive
Ever since my ex (F) and I (M) broke up last year, I’ve lost my drive. It’s not that the separation itself took a massive toll on me, but thinking about pleasuring myself has started to feel like a chore. Even when I do it anyway, it just feels empty, like a complete waste of time. Before, I used to get incredibly turned on just watching adult videos and imagining myself in those scenarios. Now, watching them feels entirely dry, no emotion, no excitement, nothing. I just end up asking myself why I even bothered in the first place.
I tried meeting new people on Reddit and a few dating apps. While most connections stayed online, a couple of them eventually led to dates and hookups. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a great time in the moment, but afterward, I just felt hollow. Drained, even. Now, whenever I think about using a dating app or meeting someone new, I get this unceasing feeling that it’s just a waste of time. The very idea of putting myself out there feels exhausting, so I wonder, why bother?
I think I’ve lost a part of myself somewhere along the way. But right now, it feels more fulfilling to just be by myself, to date myself, explore new places, and treat myself to good food just because I can. I think I just want to enjoy my own company for the first time in a while, free from the burdens and complexities of seeking pleasure or chasing happiness. Knowing that I’m right here, breathing, and finally slowing down to take in my surroundings is enough for now.