AITAH for being upset that my (25M) boyfriend left for a work trip overseas without telling me and now refuses to share any details?
I’m 25F. About a month ago my boyfriend told me he had to go to Japan for work because it would help his career. The issue is that travel for work has always been a problem in our relationship. In the past, he’s been uncomfortable with me travelling for work, so I’ve turned down opportunities and honestly even strained professional relationships just to avoid making him upset.
So when he told me he was going anyway because it was important for his career, I felt like the rules only applied to me. I didn’t stop him from going, but I told him I thought it was unfair and hurtful considering what I had sacrificed before.
Over the last month, he tried bringing the trip up maybe once or twice, but honestly I didn’t want to talk about it because it made me angry.
We don’t live together, and the night before he left I fell asleep around 11 PM without hearing much from him. Before sleeping, I checked his location and saw he was at the airport, which already caught me off guard because he still hadn’t properly told me he was leaving that night (obviously my suspicion started growing here, but it genuinely didn’t fully click to me that he was actually leaving right then because this whole topic had basically become untouchable due to how upset I was about it).
The next day I barely heard from him at all. Then suddenly I got a Life360 notification saying he landed in Japan.
That’s how I find out my boyfriend officially left the country? Through an app notification? Literally a 13-hour time difference away and I knew basically nothing.
So I called him upset and asked basic questions like who he was with, what the plans were, and where he was staying. Not because I wanted to track him, but because I literally knew NOTHING.
That’s when things got worse. He told me it was “none of my business” and that I was “interrogating” him. He also said every time he tried to talk about the trip before, I shut it down, so now it feels “forced” to tell me things.
What hurts is that he gets upset if I go out locally with friends sometimes, yet apparently asking where my boyfriend is staying after he flies across the world is suddenly controlling or invasive.
Honestly, what’s upsetting me the most now is that he’s already there and still refuses to share even basic details with me. I still don’t know where he’s staying, who he’s with, what his plans are, and now his location isn’t shared anymore either. That’s the part making me feel the most uncomfortable and disrespected.
We argued, I got angry, and eventually I told him to enjoy his trip and stopped texting him COMPLETELY because I was blindsided…..
Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting and shouldn’t ignore him while he’s away or if this situation actually is as inconsiderate as it feels to me.
AITA?