Is it normal to feel so lonely in a marriage?
I have been married for almost a year and in a relationship for 3 years, my husband has always been someone that does not like to have uncomfortable conversations and I’m very emotional, caring and just the type of person that feels someone else’s pain.
I love him, I really do, and I try every day to be the woman that he wants, cook, clean, be present for him, kisses as soon as I get home. Today I had a pretty rough day, and I have been going through a lot in my life and my husband got home earlier he went to pick up groceries and put everything in the pantry, ok good.
As soon as he sits on the couch he says hey go make me (dinner) because I bought chicken. I honestly don’t feel like cooking today and I told him I was going to cook what he wanted tomorrow but today I could make something easier. Well he said nevermind I don’t want anything and did like a big sigh (always does it when he’s mad).
That kind of made me think ok he’s mad because he wants me to cook that specific thing but I don’t want to and then he proceeded to say I will do it myself (mind you, he NEVER cooks) so obviously I felt guilty that I didn’t want to do it and for that reason he was being grumpy.
Well I stood up and went to the kitchen all mad because I had to cook what he wanted to satisfy him, he noticed I was mad and decided to keep on with the big sighs. I dropped a pan and he was like seemed to be annoyed about it and I said like oh but I need the pan so what am I supposed to do?
He proceeded to just go upstairs and tell me to go to hell. I know I was acting mad because I was but that was a little too much. I went to check on him and just try to calm the situation down, which turned out in a whole argument because he really didn’t want to listen at all.
I stood up in front of him, talking and crying non stop, asking for some compassion and he was just on his phone even watching videos. He told me things like ‘its not my fault your job sucks’ ‘you just want attention’ ‘are you done yet? Please leave’ ‘ok leave that’s all I want you to do’
Guys I feel humiliated, all I ever wanted was a family, I want to feel loved and honestly I do have really good times with him, but when something like this happens I feel like he hates me. I tried to explain to him that his actions were hurting me and it is hurting our marriage, to the point where I just don’t feel sexual enough because when I need intimacy you can’t be empathic but I still have to spread my legs so you can be satisfied.
He just told me he was done and he didn’t want to deal with me, I’m very depressed about this whole situation.
Is this kind of behavior fixable through marriage counseling, or am I fighting for a relationship where my feelings will never matter?
TL;DR
After a rough day, I asked my husband if I could cook an easier dinner instead of the specific chicken meal he wanted. He threw a tantrum, told me to "go to hell," and completely ignored/watched videos on his phone while I stood in front of him crying and begging for basic empathy.
Summary
We have been together for 3 years (married 1) and have a dynamic where I constantly try to please him, but he deeply dislikes uncomfortable conversations. Tonight, a minor boundary about dinner escalated into him verbally attacking my job, dismissing my tears as attention-seeking, and shutting down. I feel humiliated, unloved, and disconnected from him emotionally and physically, and I am depressed about the state of our marriage.