clinging to any form of hope I can find right now because it's been more than 60 days and I no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel😭
lately i've been noticing a pattern with my friends and have categorized them into 3 tiers. the first one are my friends who are really diligent and high-achieving in their careers but lack any sort of nuance for art and more of less, do not engage with it at all - i'm saying that these are people who have secured well-paying jobs and internships but do not read any books or watch any movies and tend to still appear more socialized than your average "nerd" because they engage with the colloquial vocabulary of the internet and are up to date on the recent memes (i have to include that we are all young so this sort of thing does help in making it seem like you have a personality that goes beyond your immediate resume) oftentimes, i have found these friends to be surprisingly prudish and narrow-minded, so my conclusion is that they exist in an echo chamber of what is "socially acceptable" and will have a few contrarian takes on an individual level but will always exclusively have risk-averse life experiences
the second tier involves people who are in stable careers and also do have a soul-searching vibe going on wherein they'll introspect often, are self-aware, will engage with literature and some meaningful online discourse but only surfacially. and this is made worse by the fact that they are constantly talking about dating and need an external validation, almost always romantically, to feel any confidence about their personality and body. this sort of a friend is really great when talking about boyfriends and relationships but beyond that, conversations lack depth and you realize how vain they can sound sometimes.
the third tier are the friends who are the funny guys that are charming and well-adjusted and well socialized, who view women as humans and are some great conversationalists and even great for fun times. they have a banter going on, get jokes, and will call you out on things that the above 2 people usually miss out on. the ideal friends are of these kind but of course they dont have the same hobbies as you so you fail to really be vulnerable with them beyond a certain capacity. still, these are the kinds of people i keep myself the closest to.
however, i'm now struggling to find people who would be into the same things i'm into in terms of the books i read or the movies i watch - now i'm not saying that i'm some cinephile with some obscure taste but i think that nowadays it's pretty difficult to meet anyone with interesting opinions or any opinion/taste at all - also have to tell you that this is a small town. so then where do i find people?? and have some meaningful conversations with them?? can any of you relate??