Please talk some sense into me
Hey SPs. I want to preface this that I am going to be an ex SP once we get divorced. We’re currently separated and living apart. I’ll just call him my husband because well, legally he still is.
I’m living in our home while he’s back living with his parents. I probably would’ve been the one to leave if I had anywhere else to go. We both pay the mortgage on the house and financially I can’t pay this and an apartment or something. Anyways…
I saw him today and I’m struggling. He has 2 kids. 12 and 9 boys. We were only married for a little over a year before I said I was done. I know that seems insane and trust me, I feel insane some days.
He had a crazy close relationship with his mom, which..okay. She honestly was raising his kids for him while he worked a lot after his divorce from BM. The kids had been essentially Disney parented by everyone until we started living together. And us living together was a whole thing. His custody agreement wouldn’t allow us to live together before marriage. I fought so hard for him to talk to his lawyer about that because I was freaking out about that, but he wouldn’t.
BM was…BM. She guilt tripped the hell out of him when he stood up to her with anything. Most of the time he allowed her to say and do a lot to just keep the peace. That always bothered me because I (we) would get the short end of the stick often.
I just never felt like part of the family. It was always him and his kids and his parents. They would go on lavish summer vacations and when we were engaged and just bought the house they planned a big one and I was told about it last minute and had to buy my own room (bc of custody agreement) but I couldn’t afford it and my husband basically said yeah I can’t afford it either…oh well I’m still going with my family and left me behind. I almost called the wedding off over that. It just felt like such a slap in the face. Not to mention I caught her talking bad about me in the middle of the night on a trip and I confronted him about it afterwards and his excuse was, well she’s drunk she won’t remember it anyways, sorry you heard that. And I was nothing but nice and agreeable to everyone. That situation was never brought up again by him.
Not to mention he drank every single day, not to the point of being sloppy but he definitely could not go without it. I felt like he was bottling everything up and drinking it away.
It all became way too much. The kids behavior, BM drama, MIL drama. I woke up one day and decided to quit asking for change. I told him I was done.
Now that I said that he’s completely changed his tune. He quit drinking, wants to talk about feelings all the time. Has written me so many letters about how much I mean to him.
I’m tired you guys. When I see him I’m mainly just mad. I feel selfish like I should be giving him another chance but why did he only listen when I was leaving? Like all the times before. He KNEW how I was feeling but didn’t do anything about it until I was already gone.
Please talk some sense into me, I think I made the right call, it’s just so hard