How do you get over what he did in the past?
My husband has been a sex addict all his life since before me. Porn, casual sex, paid sex... all of it. In the last various months of discovery, the final truth I've got is that he's never been fathful to me. Since we've been together he has kept going to happy ending massages for 7 years, been forced to abstinence 1 year during covid (which coincides with our wedding and my first pregnancy period) then, after our son was born, he started having sex with prostitutes in hotels and even a few times with a coworker but ended up still preferring the no-strings-attached paid encounters.
His addiction genuinely blinded him from what he was doing, he lived 2 compartmentalized lives until my discovery 6 months ago. He seems honestly regretful of his actions now: he quit all porn, he is in therapy, listens to recovery podcasts, even shares new perspectives he's learning from these (especially the Chris Jone's one). He let me track his location and shows me his surroundings at any time. I genuinely think he wants to start over again with me: he couldn't love me completely when he thought I didn't know who he really was. Now he has to learn how to love me properly and, as a father of a baby girl, learn to respect women in general.
I don't need any more reason to leave him, I get plenty of that in my own head. What I ask now, especially to those of you who reconciled, is how did you get past their previous actions? Those images of him with other women keep flashing in my mind all the time, I get constantly angry when thinking about it, even when he's trying to do something sweet, then I push my imagined scenes onto him until he cries... it's really viscous.
I'm staying for now not just because of the kids but because I want to give us a chance, one we never had before as he was never truly open with me influenced by addiction. But if he was OK without penetration the first 8 years together, is it even addiction induced when he later started having full intercourses and affair? He chose exactly when I became a mother to escalate, how can I believe that he won't give up on us again when things get tough again? How will I ever feel loved and treasured by him again?
Thanks in advance to all those who will take time to comment, I really hope to hear positive emotions behind success stories🤞