u/AdvancedTelephone5

I’m in need of advice because I’m really stuck on making a decision. My oldest son (5) starts kindergarten this fall. We live in Oklahoma which I’m pretty sure is dead last for education so my options aren’t great as it is.

I enrolled him for a virtual charter school that is half online, half in person with his teacher and kids around his grade range. I keep dwelling on the fact that public school may truly be the best option for him but I’m terrified to send him there for a multitude of reasons, most of which are my own fears being projected.

I really don’t want to hold him back. I’m not a very creative person, I don’t have the motivation to do a ton of crafts and school lessons and give him the experience he needs. I prefer to stay home in my bubble, and we do something fun and educational about twice a week which is not enough. I’ve noticed he’s much more shy and “mom-dependent” than kids his age which is totally fine but it also won’t get better if I’m present for every interaction he has.
I’m also terrified of school sh**tings, like most Americans are. I’m terrified he’ll be bullied because he’s extremely small for his age (less than 1st percentile). He’s a very sensitive, sweet child and I don’t want to see that go away due to the evil in the outside world. But I also don’t want to keep my kids in a bubble.

It was never my goal to do school at home. I’m just so conflicted and scared. It doesn’t help that we live in a small, VERY red town that I did not grow up in, so it’s all new to me too. Any advice or comfort is appreciated ❤️

I found this group because this diagnosis sounds the most similar to what I’m experiencing but I haven’t seen a doctor yet. I‘m a 28 year old female of good health, no medical conditions I know of other than OCD and ADHD. I have an appointment in early June to discuss these symptoms. Last summer I had my first “episode” of something weird happening. I was on a plane, about to land, and my arms and legs suddenly started cramping up, I was nauseous, lightheaded, and my speech felt slurred. My lips also felt cramped up and slow moving. There was absolutely no big event that caused this other than slight anxiety about the plane landing and excitement to see family when I got off. Similar scenarios have happened probably 5 times since then, sometimes for no reason at all, sometimes due to anxiety or just a change in stimuli. I’ve found that eating something right away does help but that’s about all I’ve tried. While reading through this group, I remembered that when I was in my teens, I would sometimes get so overheated in the shower that I was on the verge of passing out and I would get horrible pain in my lower back and would have to lay on the cold tile floor. This happened pretty often. Does this sound like vasovagal syncope??