Emotional Blunting/Severe Side Affects
Hello! I might not be in the right subreddit, but I need help. I apologize for some grammar/ spelling in this, and any janky communicatio. Its late as I type this.
****suicide and sh warning**** ⚠️
I have diagnosed anxiety and OCD. I’ve been in therapy for 6 years and recently went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed. About a year and a half ago I started taking Zoloft. Over the year we upped the dose as needed, and stopped moving it around November. Since then I noticed a severe emotional-thinking issue. I could feel a physical wall, i could feel it, in my brain, there were thoughts behind the wall. I could feel them leaving. Thinking too hard or trying to get past “the wall” would give me a crazy headache right on my forehead. It was there. I felt it. I also became way more susceptible to suicidal thoughts ( in a more aggressive way than my normal interactions with just the lingering thoughts that were annoying but not altogether violent) and sh. Suicide had always been a thing for me but never in a way where I was thinking about it, it was more of just a disgusting thought I would get stuck. This whole sh thing was new. That’s a side affect I knew about. The brain fog I didn’t. I struggled in school severely, I could barely interact normally with my friends because my brain power was cut back to 20% capacity. I became a much more boring bland annoying to talk to person and I knew it. I pulled back from my friends severely because it was easier to just be alone than get in their way being annoying. I think I have some confidence issues, however it was just genuinely hard in general to socialize, Every interaction needed so much energy.
I was on the zoloft until two weeks ago. I am now starting a different SNRI and my whole world is better. Wall is gone. I’m better. I’m happier. But i feel like i lost a year of my life and my best friends and Im scared it’s too late. I think im just pawning responsibility to the medication, but I was severely altered for pretty much the entire year. (i should mention im in school so my interactions with friends are daily). I lost everything and it’s all I want. Is this a normal reaction to the medication or am I just making things up?
any feedback is amazingly appreciated