Conflicted
This post will be deleted soon, I’m creating it to get peoples opinions and maybe comments from others that have gone through this.
My ex-fiancée and I were together for over 10 years. We grew up together from teenagers, have a child together, and for most of that time I genuinely believed we’d spend our lives together.
A few months ago we split up. I’ll fully admit that during the relationship I became emotionally overwhelming at times, selfish at times, too reactive, and I stopped appreciating her properly. I think I loved her intensely, but not always in the way she actually needed. Since the breakup I’ve been reflecting heavily and trying to improve myself.
She is now in a relationship with another guy. However, over the last few weeks things between us became very emotionally confusing.
She started contacting me a lot more again. Conversations went from normal co-parenting to personal/emotional topics. She told me:
- she misses me
- she loves me “at times”
- her boyfriend is “amazing but he isn’t me”
- she still feels emotionally attached to me
At one point she became very flirtatious and sexual over messages/phone calls, especially when her boyfriend was away on holiday. But when he came back, she suddenly became colder again and more distant.
What confuses me is that privately she often seems emotionally connected to me, vulnerable, nostalgic and affectionate.
Recently we had a long emotional phone call where she admitted she still loves and misses me. After that, I wrote her a very long heartfelt message apologising for my mistakes, telling her how much she meant to me, and basically saying that as my “final act of love” I’ll step away and stop emotionally conflicting her.
She hasn’t replied yet.
I genuinely can’t tell whether:
- she still deeply loves me but feels conflicted/guilty
- she misses the emotional history but doesn’t actually want me back
- she’s emotionally attached to both of us
- she’s keeping me emotionally close while trying to move on
- I’m reading too deeply into everything because I still love her
I know nobody here can fully know her intentions, but from an outside perspective, what does this situation honestly look like to you?
She only finally told me she stills loves me and misses me AFTER she knew I went to a party and met someone else. We have been separated for over 5 months but her relationship started just over a month ago.