u/Adventurous-Candy908

My brother (32M) got married last year in April. Last month, our grandmother passed away at home, and ever since then his behavior has changed so drastically that none of us recognize him anymore.

It started with him suddenly bringing up “childhood trauma” caused by our mother. He says she was extremely strict, a perfectionist, controlling, and that she slapped him as a child. My SIL tries very hard to calmly listen and support him. Once she gently said that in older generations many parents used physical punishment because they themselves didn’t know better and were raised similarly. He immediately snapped at her, accusing her of dismissing and invalidating his experiences and saying there’s no point comparing generations.

The hardest part is that my mother has actually been trying so much to make things right. She has apologized to him multiple times, tried to listen, tried to support him, and keeps blaming herself for his current condition. She genuinely regrets being strict when he was younger and feels completely responsible for what’s happening now. But no matter how calmly or lovingly she responds, something suddenly switches in him.

He will refuse to talk to her for days, then suddenly start acting normal and speaking to her again, and then within hours switch back into anger and hostility. One incident that shocked us was when he asked my mom whether he should go pick up my SIL. My mother casually asked what happened because usually he doesn’t go himself, and he suddenly shouted “chup” (shut up) at her loudly and aggressively.

He has become extremely suspicious and paranoid about everyone around him. He keeps talking to my father about how he has “started reading people” and can tell what they truly feel. He insisted my father is secretly sad, even when my father reassured him he’s completely fine. My brother says he can now “see through faces” and know who is truthful and who is lying.

He has also become intensely spiritual in a way that feels alarming rather than normal. He constantly listens to Shiv songs and chants like “Namami Shamishan” on full volume for 12-14 hours. He says he’s talking directly to God and that God is revealing truths to him. He frequently consumes bhang leaves (cannabis) these days as well.

A few days ago he went to a cremation ground and stayed there alone for hours. After that, he started saying that two souls are following him.

Yesterday he got an axe sharpened and casually said, “I have to slit someone’s throat.” That terrified all of us. He keeps accusing my grandfather of being a liar and saying God will demand answers from him. He told my grandfather, “You don’t need to explain anything to me, you’ll have to answer to God yourself.” He also says our entire house is “full of liars” and for two days refused to eat food at home because of it.

What’s strange is that he himself lies constantly, more than anyone else in the family, but right now he’s obsessed with accusing everyone else of dishonesty and hidden intentions.

He keeps asking his wife whose side she’s on. He repeatedly tells her they need to leave this house and move somewhere else immediately. My SIL has been trying to calm him down and not encourage these fears, so as a compromise they decided to move into a small storeroom upstairs instead of fully leaving the house.

Today he went to our village where my grandfather currently is to look after the farm, which he does every few days. But now he’s hiding inside a room there saying if he comes out, my grandfather will have him killed on the way back. He genuinely seems convinced people are after him.

The scariest part is how suddenly all of this escalated after our grandmother passed away. Before this, he was not like this. He could be stubborn, emotional, or difficult sometimes, but never paranoid, delusional, spiritually obsessed like this, aggressive, or disconnected from reality.

None of us know what to do anymore. We can’t tell if this is grief, drugs, unresolved trauma, psychosis, or some kind of mental breakdown. We’re especially scared because he’s talking violently, believes people are plotting against him, thinks souls are following him, and says God is speaking directly to him.

Has anyone experienced something similar with a family member after a major loss? What are we even supposed to do in a situation like this?

My brother (32M) got married last year in April. Last month, our grandmother passed away at home, and ever since then his behavior has changed so drastically that none of us recognize him anymore.

It started with him suddenly bringing up “childhood trauma” caused by our mother. He says she was extremely strict, a perfectionist, controlling, and that she slapped him as a child. My SIL tries very hard to calmly listen and support him. Once she gently said that in older generations many parents used physical punishment because they themselves didn’t know better and were raised similarly. He immediately snapped at her, accusing her of dismissing and invalidating his experiences and saying there’s no point comparing generations.

The hardest part is that my mother has actually been trying so much to make things right. She has apologized to him multiple times, tried to listen, tried to support him, and keeps blaming herself for his current condition. She genuinely regrets being strict when he was younger and feels completely responsible for what’s happening now. But no matter how calmly or lovingly she responds, something suddenly switches in him.

He will refuse to talk to her for days, then suddenly start acting normal and speaking to her again, and then within hours switch back into anger and hostility. One incident that shocked us was when he asked my mom whether he should go pick up my SIL. My mother casually asked what happened because usually he doesn’t go himself, and he suddenly shouted “chup” (shut up) at her loudly and aggressively.

He has become extremely suspicious and paranoid about everyone around him. He keeps talking to my father about how he has “started reading people” and can tell what they truly feel. He insisted my father is secretly sad, even when my father reassured him he’s completely fine. My brother says he can now “see through faces” and know who is truthful and who is lying.

He has also become intensely spiritual in a way that feels alarming rather than normal. He constantly listens to Shiv songs and chants like “Namami Shamishan” on full volume for 12-14 hours. He says he’s talking directly to God and that God is revealing truths to him. He frequently consumes bhang leaves (cannabis) these days as well.

A few days ago he went to a cremation ground and stayed there alone for hours. After that, he started saying that two souls are following him.

Yesterday he got an axe sharpened and casually said, “I have to slit someone’s throat.” That terrified all of us. He keeps accusing my grandfather of being a liar and saying God will demand answers from him. He told my grandfather, “You don’t need to explain anything to me, you’ll have to answer to God yourself.” He also says our entire house is “full of liars” and for two days refused to eat food at home because of it.

What’s strange is that he himself lies constantly, more than anyone else in the family, but right now he’s obsessed with accusing everyone else of dishonesty and hidden intentions.

He keeps asking his wife whose side she’s on. He repeatedly tells her they need to leave this house and move somewhere else immediately. My SIL has been trying to calm him down and not encourage these fears, so as a compromise they decided to move into a small storeroom upstairs instead of fully leaving the house.

Today he went to our village where my grandfather currently is to look after the farm, which he does every few days. But now he’s hiding inside a room there saying if he comes out, my grandfather will have him killed on the way back. He genuinely seems convinced people are after him.

The scariest part is how suddenly all of this escalated after our grandmother passed away. Before this, he was not like this. He could be stubborn, emotional, or difficult sometimes, but never paranoid, delusional, spiritually obsessed like this, aggressive, or disconnected from reality.

None of us know what to do anymore. We can’t tell if this is grief, drugs, unresolved trauma, psychosis, or some kind of mental breakdown. We’re especially scared because he’s talking violently, believes people are plotting against him, thinks souls are following him, and says God is speaking directly to him.

Has anyone experienced something similar with a family member after a major loss? What are we even supposed to do in a situation like this?