Loving Him Feels Heavy Now. M18 F17
So the thing is, my boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 2 years. Well, 1 year of it was completely long-distance with absolutely zero contact. We became much closer this year, but lately I’ve been noticing a lot of things about him that irritate me so much.
Between February and May, I told him I wanted to break up hundreds of times. I don’t know if it’s my hormones making me this irritated or the fact that I fight with my mom almost every day.
Whenever I get to chat with him, I start off thinking I’ll be sweet and nice, but he irritates me so fast, to the point where I feel like I’ve lost interest. But I can’t tell him that because he’s so loyal and loves me a lot. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, so I decided to adjust and try to love him.
But even now, I’m still irritated. He went to sleep at 11:31, and it’s 1 a.m. right now, and I’m still upset.
The thing is, he never chases after me. If I sarcastically say, “Bye, I won’t talk to you,” he replies with “Ok.” Not even a “Don’t go” or “Please stay.” Also, I’m usually the one who texts first. If he texts first, it’s just “Hi” or “Heyy deee” or something like that.
I got so tired of everything that on May 13, I broke up with him and didn’t look back. But he went into depression, so I got back together with him on May 17.
I feel trapped right now. I manifested him for a whole year. I prayed to God and visited temples and churches, all while praying for him. But when he finally came back into my life, he wasn’t the man I had dreamed of.
I can’t really think of him as my boyfriend anymore because he’s not the type of guy I actually want. At the same time, I feel like I can’t lose him because I kind of lost my virginity to him. I love him, but I can’t tolerate the way he is.
Like he doesn't let me go cuz he wants me forever, and I want him forever too, but I FUCKING DON'T KNOW how to tell him that I don't like the way he is.