I'm not depressed or anything but I just don't feel okay, what's wrong with me?
I'm not really sure how to word this (I also am not looking over this since i'm too lazy so sorry if this doesn't make sense) but for the past 4 years of my life I don't think I've felt any deep emotions except for being extremely stressed or sad. (I know that people that have depression usually don't feel anything at all so that's out of question haha). I feel like my life has been falling apart and I feel like everyone is leaving me or dying. I constantly miss the past and there's so many things I want to do, but as soon as I have the time to do those things I don't have the will to do them. What's weird is I'm extremely motivated with school and I get good grades because I study hard. I don't know I just feel so lonely, like I have nobody. I have a loving family but I don't know I just feel alone. Don't get me wrong though I feel happy? I think? I mean when I'm with my friends I try to smile as much as possible and I laugh at their jokes, but after I always feel like there's a hole in my chest where I can't actually feel anything deeply (like happiness). Last thing I'll say is that I always think about just ending it all. I just want everything to be over. I feel ridiculous and super pick me even admitting that I harm myself. Ughhhh I don't know what's wrong with me, why can't I be normal.