Weaponized Incompetence
At this point rn I'm just fed up and straight up disappointed.
We are a gay couple.
I have a son.
My son has AuDhD and some other issues, 7 y/o not able to visit a school right now for example.
This hits us hard. Were doing a lot for him, but he is mostly in a bad mood that affects us too.
We have two dogs, one of them just does not get clean. Always pissing or shitting somewhere. Once a day. More stress.
A cat. Easy one.
My Husband.
Everything but easy. I suspect him to have autism himself. Either that or he is straight up an asshole and never shown that side before.
When we met and dated he was beautiful. Kind, listening, even cleaning the apartment when I was out at work. He always had an alarm set for 7am. Stood up, took care of his dog he loves and of some other stuff while I was at work and my son in kindergarden.
He then had to go to the hospital. Nothing serious, we knew it would be needed beforehand. I drove him there. Few city's over.
There were the first red flags, that I chose to ignore.
My mother told me, he talks shit about me when I'm not there. I confronted him via text. While he's in hospital. Not ideal but I felt betrayed and just couldn't wait. He was really angry - because my mother told me and because I talked to her about us and our relationship. That I was sceptical.
But honestly, I never forgave him for that one. Talking shit about me to my mother's face and pretending I'm the bad one and my mother for telling me.
We figured things out, I thought.
I have to state: he has serious mental issues because of his childhood. I knew that from day one and accepted him with that, knowing, a relationship with him will be on the .. "harder" side.
I am not easy myself. It's alright. I've got chronic migraines. The bad kind. The kind where you loose balance, fall, get neausous and throw up. At least 4 days a week. At that point I had no treatment and was expected to push through that disability.
After his hospital stay he had to rest, I get it. But I continued to care for my dog, his dog, the cat, my son and him. He grew.... Comfortable. And even after healing, he stayed like that. He saw me struggling each day and then he chose to just sleep through it.
It's not like I just relented and kept it like that, I tried talking to him about it on several occasions. That i'm sick of doing everything this household of 5 living specimen has completely alone.
Months went on and in February, my birthday, I thought I might get some ease. Some love.
Instead he woke me early instead of letting me sleep in . He was congratulating with my son, but they were basically jumping on my dead sleeping ass with the dogs at 6am. He knows that I need some sleep too. He chose to ignore it. I woke up in literal pain. He mistook it as "bad mood" and then decided to sleep through my birthday instead. He just went to bed as I stood in the kitchen making my own coffee. He left me alone that day, the whole day. I have gotten no presents from him because his "amazon didn't work" and we were broke yes, but he didn't even made a card with my son from scratch for example. My son did not fully register I had birthday. I was crying. I was sad. I couldnt keep it to myself.
I lived through that.
No apologies, never. The only thing he does is redirecting it on me "you were in a bad mood I didn't want to upset you even more by being awake" shit like that. Where I tell him caring for someone makes it better. He doesn't see that.
I just got used to caring for everything here alone. Tripping over my own struggles and disability.
Eventually we married. That day I remember clearly as fuck asking myself: is this really my future?
I ignored it. Wrong path.
That was three months ago.
Since then there was not one single day that I did not regret it.
He still sleeps through the day, redirects every mistake he makes at me. Projecting on me and my son. Telling me several times a day how everything is just shit. How everything is too much for HIM mentally. HE feels like he is not allowed to be himself at home. While I ask WHY? He already does what he wants the whole day. I am the only one taking care of everything, including his moods. Our family lives with a certain structure that my AuDhD kid simply needs to not melt down every day. But my Husband is shaming me for bread crumbs that I remove myself. He says he removes them. He gets angry when I ask him to bring his own plate into the kitchen because I want to clean up the table. He gets mad when I ask him to put something away in the kitchen, because I literally just cleaned everything 10 seconds prior. He gets mad at ME when he tells me everything is mentally too much for him, hes thinking of vacation without us, and I don't argue with him. He literally told me yesterday: he expects me to argue with him to make him stay.
No.
I won't.
I told him I won't, because he just tells me months ahead that everything is too much on him. I told him, if it's that bad, maybe he needs vacation, time without us. He was mad about that.
He expects me to Kind of fight for him but ignores completely, that I am devastated, that I am simply done with my strength. Without any love in my direction, why should I fight? For what? More bad mood and asshole behavior?
I seriously regret everything.
My son loves him tho. I do too. I don't know how to handle this crap. With a divorce he would get half of everything I own. He owns basically nothing.
Notes: I am the only one of us actually working and getting paid but he is stay at home, sleeping, just being mad about everything. I don't even ask stuff from him anymore. He is at home and does not care for the pets or my son. I have to leave work early every day and have to drive home after every hour of work for short periods of time because he chooses to sleep and I have to watch over everyone WHILE I have to work.
He literally gets MAD cussing when he has to touch the dishes. Or his own laundry. He really does NOTHING
Note 2: I seriously am thinking about somehow leaving Germany