This is a long post - I know. I appreciate your time in advance if you do read it and respond. I went no contact with my mother in 2013 after years of trying to overcome the challenges within our relationship. She is a narcissist. I went no contact with my middle sister as well during that time due to her behavior and interference in my life along with the constant information she was feeding to my mother about me. I reconnected with my sister in 2018 briefly. The contact lasted, maybe a couple of days because she accidentally sent me the text message that she meant for our mother with screenshots of the conversation between she and I feeding my mother information again. I communicated with her that I wanted a relationship with her, but that I did not want a relationship with my mother at that time and asked that she please respect my privacy. She agreed, but did not contact me further. My mother reached out a few years later in 2021. In a moment of weakness, I reconnected with her. I tried to set boundaries and she trampled them. She came to visit in 2021 and I saw her for less than 24 hours before cutting off contact again due to her behavior towards me and my children. My mother relocated back to the area where I live last year in 2025. I was told by others that she had made social media posts saying that she needed to be closer to her grandchildren. She has grandchildren where she previously lived along with a relationship with my two other siblings. She informed me of her relocation two weeks before she was set to move here and I did not answer because I am no contact even though I had not blocked her yet. A few months after she relocated she showed up to my house and left a gift for my child on my doorstep with an accompanying phone message, stating that she felt that it was important that she bring the gifts. I responded a couple of days later, letting her know that I did not want any further contact that she was not welcome on my property and that if she attempted to come onto my property again, I would have her trespassed from the property. I let her know that I was going to be blocking her number and I promptly blocked her number after I sent the text. My sister still occasionally texts me (last September she invited me to her wedding via text) and I do not answer because although I miss her, she continues to feed my mother information about me and triangulates within the relationship. My sister texted me recently letting me know that she has metastisized stage IV cancer and stating that she wants myself and my other sister to be tested because it may be genetic. I am struggling with whether or not to maintain no contact with her. I want to be there for her, and I want a relationship with her, but I fear that if I open that door to contact with my sister, it will lead to unwanted contact from my mother, and that will likely cause major destabilization in my life. I don’t know what to do, and I am looking for some perspectives from others.
u/Adventurous_Sky9785
This is a long post - I know. I appreciate your time in advance if you do read it and respond. I went no contact with my mother in 2013 after years of trying to overcome the challenges within our relationship. She is a narcissist. I went no contact with my middle sister as well during that time due to her behavior and interference in my life along with the constant information she was feeding to my mother about me. I reconnected with my sister in 2018 briefly. The contact lasted, maybe a couple of days because she accidentally sent me the text message that she meant for our mother with screenshots of the conversation between she and I feeding my mother information again. I communicated with her that I wanted a relationship with her, but that I did not want a relationship with my mother at that time and asked that she please respect my privacy. She agreed, but did not contact me further. My mother reached out a few years later in 2021. In a moment of weakness, I reconnected with her. I tried to set boundaries and she trampled them. She came to visit in 2021 and I saw her for less than 24 hours before cutting off contact again due to her behavior towards me and my children. My mother relocated back to the area where I live last year in 2025. I was told by others that she had made social media posts saying that she needed to be closer to her grandchildren. She has grandchildren where she previously lived along with a relationship with my two other siblings. She informed me of her relocation two weeks before she was set to move here and I did not answer because I am no contact even though I had not blocked her yet. A few months after she relocated she showed up to my house and left a gift for my child on my doorstep with an accompanying phone message, stating that she felt that it was important that she bring the gifts. I responded a couple of days later, letting her know that I did not want any further contact that she was not welcome on my property and that if she attempted to come onto my property again, I would have her trespassed from the property. I let her know that I was going to be blocking her number and I promptly blocked her number after I sent the text. My sister still occasionally texts me (last September she invited me to her wedding via text) and I do not answer because although I miss her, she continues to feed my mother information about me and triangulates within the relationship. My sister texted me recently letting me know that she has metastisized stage IV cancer and stating that she wants myself and my other sister to be tested because it may be genetic. I am struggling with whether or not to maintain no contact with her. I want to be there for her, and I want a relationship with her, but I fear that if I open that door to contact with my sister, it will lead to unwanted contact from my mother, and that will likely cause major destabilization in my life. I don’t know what to do, and I am looking for some perspectives from others.