u/Adverbially

You came in far too hot.

Nobody does what you did -- making calculated maneuvers based on just a sampling of personality and a molten burst of attraction. I was just being candid and cheeky, and you decided that I -- maybe we -- needed a spiritual experience. It was open mic, not a worship service.

That whole schtick is wildly unhealthy. You get that now, right?

I know I do.

Because every human being I let in, I gently usher off days later.

Because nobody comes in hot and offers me a ride to church when we introduce.

Damn us both to hell, because there's not enough fire left on Earth to warm me up.

I put it out into the aether -- a very simple, straightforward request, with no subtext.

You swooped in on the wings of a proposition in wait. You marveled at my prose, mined for nuance, spun fire in arcs across my bow, like solar flares colliding with the magnetosphere.

I was never seeking to pull anyone into my orbit with such designs.

Well, maybe a little... it was a very charming write-up, if I'm to judge.

But I was so careful with my diction, guarded with my intentions. I knew I was too fragile to tempt fate. I sought safety, and I put that in all the fine print and the garish signage, lest I be misunderstood.

So much for assuming positive intent. I recognized the hazard in you quickly.

But you insisted, and you were far too good at... fuck, everything.

I felt found. Seen. Loved. Adored. Rapt in mutual intensity. I was in love.

I thought you were. For a time, you probably were.

I wonder if you ever even think of me now. I know you well enough to know that you would scoff at the pain I attribute to you. Perhaps ask me how I know, as many atrocities between us as you'd conveniently forget.

And I'm still just holding out to be held.