I’m a 29F with a 41M, he and I have been together for almost a year now, known him about a year and a half. He has fathered 3 kids, 1 w/ex wife, and 2 w/a baby momma (who is actively only raising one). He isn’t very active in all of the kids lives and shows minimal effort of it. When I met him, he was helping raise his youngest, who is being raised by his baby momma currently, because he was down bad and living with her for a bit. Since getting back on his feet and our type of work that requires travel he is not very present and originally did tell his baby momma he didn’t wanna go through this all again. He was very transparent from the beginning of the situation.
Me, having no kids and never married and also always been against being with a man with kids, I’ve now put myself in the predicament. I’ve met her and she’s always friendly but we haven’t really spoken or know each other. I am trying to encourage my partner to be more present in ways for his daughter as one day. I’d like kids of my own, so for me it’s an issue. I want to get her a gift or some kind of gesture for Mother’s Day. Would that be doing too much? He told me “I can do something if I want, he’s not gonna, and he can’t give me feedback on how she might react.” I asked my Aunt, and she told me it’s absolutely unnecessary. Should I just text and ask her what she’s comfortable with? My bf is currently out of state and I’m in the same state as her. Thanks for your opinions!
Update: I’m normally doing the same traveling work as him. I came back to my residential state for jury summons. Also, I do openly talk about things like this with him and he’s typically very supportive. My rule for how I move in life is, I’m not willing to have a child of my own unless married. If push comes to shove where I’m past my “prime” I am happy to be a SP. Being married, having kids is not my end all be all as a woman either. So far I’ve read, basically don’t do anything to make BM’s life easier.