r/Stepmom

It was a struggle typing the words "Step Daughter" since I didn't raise this woman, she was 21 when I met her. I can't stand this woman!

When I first met my husband's daughter, it was at the beginning of Covid when we moved in with each other. She moved in with us soon after because her school closed due to the pandemic. She was rude and cruel to me so I stopped trying to get along which oddly lead to her latching onto me for some odd reason. She went no-contact with her narcissist mom and assumes I'm supposed to take her mom's place but I didn't raise her, I met her when she was 21.

She's now a 27 year old woman but the way she behaves and how she looks at the world is that of a 14 year old. I'm not trying to be cruel when I say that. Even her father says this. He's at a loss when it comes to her problems. He's literally tapped out on advice. Life is a constant struggle for her and she calls us constantly to vent or get advice. He was a life coach and so was I. You'd think we'd know how to help her but we've tried everything. She's proof some people cannot be helped.

I don't think he knows how I feel. I'm always nice to her but whenever she calls, he puts her on speaker so she can talk to both of us (his way of avoiding being her dad maybe) then she whines in a high octave and I just want to leave the room. The sound of her voice peels my skin. I've never felt this way about anyone but her, I can't stand her voice. She uses crying to get what she wants and she does this constantly. She started crying on the phone with my husband last night and when he didn't indulge her, she abruptly stopped crying. How is this even possible?

She's asked us multiple times if she can move closer to us and if things don't woek out with where she currently lives, this might end up happening. She's in California but she'd move to South Carolina in a heartbeat and if she does, I'll go nuts. She's lived with us twice and we had to kick her out both times since financially she was capable of moving into a place of her own. She doesn't know what's actually going on in the world so to hear her complain while so many people have it so much worse than her is infuriating. Every friendship she has is short lived. One of her friends dumped her and told her he couldn't tolerate the constant complaining. Everyone tells her to stop complaining but she truly believes that complaining is a form of socializing. Have you seen Debbie Downer on SNL? That's her!

Ok, that made me feel a little bit better. Am I alone here? Any Gen Z step parents dealing with this?

Or do you let your husband handle it?

What about if you have “our” children that are witness to the behavior?

BIO mom kept his last name, I get why, so she could have the same name as the kid.

BUT it’s one of those little things that sucks/hurts.
I would to be #2 or have to explain I’m the stepmom. She even kept it on social media with no (maiden name) or anything.

It’s one of those silly little things most step-mom’s have to deal with as a lot of bio moms want the same last name has the kids. When you try to explain to a 1st wives or none-stepparent they really dont get it. “A last name shouldn’t be a big deal”

Sometimes I just don’t want to share the same last name has a person who sucks.

Anyone else triggered by hearing their SK say mom?

Context: i raised my SK since they were 3 years old.

"Mom" very recently (almost 2 years) came back into the picture as SK is a teen. Started kinda slow but now we do 50/50. Of course I remember the 10+ years I spent raising SK with "mom" no where to be found but SK is a teen and acts as if it never happened and shes "mom". The healthiest part of my mind knows its good for SK to not feel abandoned by her and im happy for that. BUT the unhealthist part cringes at the word knowing I raised them and it hurts to be called by my name and her have the title she doesnt deserve.

I know I probably make it more than it is, its just a word.

In reality she is biologically mom but I acted as SKs mom without any involvement from her for sooo long. Which i kinda regret. If i knew it would end up like this I dont think I wouldve. Idk if that makes me a bad person but man the resentment i have after its all said and done is so toxic feeling at times. Not all the time but sometimes. Like now.

Anyone relate??