u/Delicious-Box9949

Hi all,

Does anyone have tried and successful methods for telling HCBM about our bio baby.

She was really manipulative and angry the first 2-3 years. Things have calmed down somewhat the last couple of years, but there are still flares. She mostly ignores me and says shit to my partner.

He is concerned that this will restart a very negative spiral again, wants to do everything in the most respectful way and take the high ground.

Should it be done in person, or over the phone?

She has a history of spoiling surprises to the kids if we tell her first so there's that to consider.

We want this to be positive for the kids and not get tarnished.

Any stories out there with helpful advice?

Thank you x

Just wanted to post this for others in the same position, and try to understand what happens now.

Here's the story:

I have PCOS (PMOS) and have had absent periods since I came off the pill in January 2023. I was on Metaformin since August 2023 and was then referred to a fertility clinic January 2024.

We were referred for IVF November 2024 and got our positive pregnancy result in May. We paid for a private NIPT and this happened at 11 weeks.

Here's the timeline:

Week 10 - Blood tests. Normal S-Papp but seemingly high HCG.

Week 12 - High Probability NIPT T21 (absolutely devastated)

Week 14 - Scan. NT 2.1mm, Nasal Bone Hypoplastic.

Week 16 - Amniocentesis. QF-PCR - Result is NORMAL and I feel like I can breathe again.

Don't think it's hit me yet - I still feel very on edge.

I believe they will continue with the investigation Karotype analysis.

Does anyone know what happens with this analysis and should I continue to hold my breath?

There's obviously a massive sense of relief that baby seems okay, and if this is all true FALSE POSITIVES DO HAPPEN!!

This community has honestly been a rock and given me something rather just sit with my own fear. I hope this can help others in a similar position.

Keeping all my fingers crossed for all in difficult situations right now xxx

I'm pregnant but we are facing a decision to TFMR. The ex barely acknowledges my presence whenever we cross paths but my SO thinks we should be open about losing the baby if it comes to it so there's (in theory) more acceptance why we/I might struggle to have the kids around for the next few weeks. I was shocked when he told me that was what he was thinking, instinct screaming Hell No... but is he making sense? I can't think of another reason we could give that would potentially allow us to have the time we need to grieve this.

I did things in a bit of a strange order because we were travelling. I had the NIPT privately at 11w5d and it came back High Probability T21 but without Percentage, Fetal Fraction or any other details. Then as we are abroad and couldn't have a private CVS or Aminocentesis had to register with a clinic and they gave us a dating scan, which I had today. They put me at 14w0d and the NT was 2.1mm within normal range. Should I hope? I'm 33, nearly 34 this is an IVF baby.