u/IceQueenAK84

If you could give new stepmoms just one piece of advice.... what would that be?

Mine would be to not look at their social media accounts even if/when they are attacking you and your SO. I spent years documenting all of BM's abuse against our family. I haven't checked a single one of her social media platforms in over a week and let me tell you that it is so worth it. Don't let their toxic behaviors seep into your life or cause you to adopt those toxic behaviors yourself.

This may be a bit lengthy. I definitely need some advice or suggestions of some sort.

Ive been with DH for over 6 years. We have no children together. I have 3 from my previous marriage and he has 1 from his previous marriage. BM is remarried.

BM is delusional on a level I've never seen before, and I am a social worker and a former nurse. So I have seen some stuff.

This is a someone who spent more than 9 years making every post, video, and hateful comment online towards my husband. Their entire relationship was approximately 4 years long. Shes spent double that length posting negatively about him. Hes never made a post about her or even confronted her about them. He doesnt even look at them himself because he has no interest in her opinion of him. He simply wants her to leave him alone.

She spent years trying to alienate him from his son until the court orders got stricter. Now all of the sudden, she wants to coparent with him. This is after years of claiming they were "parallel parents". (I am all for good coparenting as I do it with my ex rather effortlessly)

BM plays a lot of manipulative games. She frequently feigns ignorance when she knows exactly what shes doing. For example. She claimed in an email not to know that DH and I were engaged. Yet weeks before the email, SS came to us to ask questions about the wedding and said his mom wanted to know. She found out from her stalking of our social media right when it happened.

Things have been getting creepier and creepier.

The copying is getting out of hand and I am entirely convinced she has some disorder. Just a few examples:

~Before I changed my name it was Ashley. Her name is Rebecca. She changed her social media names to Bexly while my name was still Ashley. Its like she mixed our names together.

~She has chosen to go to college to get the same degrees I have. (Social work and Nursing)

~She was a diehard Christian her entire life. I have been pagan for 25 years. Shes now all of the sudden pagan.

~I very recently changed my name to Scarlett, which means red. Just this week she has added Rowan to her name which also means red.

~She copies my hobbies and social media content. If I happen to make a pinterest board about something, within a day she has an almost identical board.

Normally I would dismiss this stuff, but here is where I am concerned. She just started these copying behaviors in the last 8 months. All this started after she made a YouTube video all about how upsetting she finds it that my husband loves and spoils me and how he treats me how she wanted to be treated and how unfair it all was.

Thats when the copying behaviors began.

A few months later in December, she invited DH to her house to spend Christmas Day with her and their son but didn't extend the invitation to me or my children. She wanted him to come alone. He didnt go as she is famous for false accusations and will not put himself in that situation.

BM and I have never met and we have never spoken other than her harassing messages through social media to me that go ignored.

How can she not see this is delusional? Am I wrong to be concerned? DH agrees its concerning behavior but he thinks shes just messing with me. Others I have spoken to about this believe she may have boarderline personality disorder.

Any advice? Ive locked down my social media accounts but she still pumps SS for information about me and his father.

​For ten years of my childhood, from the time I was four until I was fourteen, I was forced into a world no child should ever experience. I was a child prostitute. I was sold to well over 200 men, many repeat "clients". As soon as I was finally able to escape, I moved more than 5,000 miles away from my hometown. Where I remain to this day.

​

​Here is my confession:

Every single week for the last 20 plus years, I have gone online to read the obituaries of my old hometown. I look for the names/pictures of those "men". And every time I find one who has finally died, I take a screenshot and save it to a private file on my phone. Another one is in the obituaries this morning. It was a tragic, unexpected death (car accident).

Today I celebrate.