u/Suitable_Pain_4258

Hi I’m a stepmom and I have to say sometimes I love being a stepmom and there’s times I don’t. I have three biological kids but they’re not with me as much and my two stepkids. Me and my husband have them full time bc mom lost custody of them years back and she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. The kids were in danger in her custody and my husband got custody then I came into the picture. I do all the work a mom would do. I’m not just a stepmom in this situation and I’ve been with dad a couple years now but the hardest thing to hear was a conversation my husband and her were having. She said that I was JUST a stepmom she’s only been in my life for two years. My husband defended in me saying that’s super hurtful to say about her. What is she? Just chopped liver? And I can’t say this might be the most hurtful thing to hear and it makes me wanna pull away from being mom and actually stepping into the stepmom role. A part of I admit wanted her to actually consider me more of her mom than her biological. Time frame and all that doesn’t matter how long I’ve been in her life. The truth is their mom is not coming back mentally. What they knew of their mom isn’t there anymore. I understand how hard this situation is on the kids but now I just feel taken advantage of and under appreciated. How did you guys tackle the feeling “second best “ feeling?

Hi there I’m a stepmom and let me go saying I absolutely adore my husband. He had two kids when I came into the picture and I myself have three but I have split custody of them so they’re not here as much. The kicker is I was super open to adjusting to the stepmom life and my my stepdaughter actually have a good relationship. Our situation is different because their mom lost custody of them because she was completely schizophrenic. We can’t even receive child support because she’s not mentally stable enough to have a job. Although at times I admit this makes it easier because I recognize I am a super jealous person meaning I don’t have to deal with her at all. The parts I’m struggling with is my husband took custody of her son. He helped raised him and although I know this should be a great thing to see in a man it also leads me to struggle a lot with why did he take in ex girlfriend’s child that’s not even his? I can’t even get my own kids dad to have anything to do with my biological kids and it probably doesn’t help I absolutely can’t stand the woman bc she’s flat out crazy and disrespectful. But I feel bad but I hate when he calls my husband dad and sometimes I just wish he didn’t have this baggage at all. I know it’s selfish of me but I can’t help it. I parent both kids as mom and he misses his mom but he calls my husband dad. I feel like past relationships should be left in the past and having stepchildren is hard enough but adding that into the mix makes it harder for me to deal with it at times. Not enough for me to leave but I hate how much I struggle with this. I mourn the family I wish I could have had with him but at times I adjust to this well only because I’m trying to be strong and be a better person about it. I tell myself he’ll graduate and he’s going to be gone. Then I won’t have to be around it all the time. Would anyone else feel this way? Am I alone here?