Never went hungry per se, or had real food insecurity but I wasn't given an actual breakfast. My breakfast was a huge glass of milk, then I had like more milk or juice for lunch? I don't remember getting much actual food for school. Because of this I was always skinny. And I would occasionally eat a whole pizza by myself when my family got it. I wasn't reprimanded or anything for this so it's not like I had a bad relationship with food, it was just poor logistics
I started eating more normally and getting some money to eat in University, I gained 10 KG, then lost it by counting calories, then began exercising and eating for protein and paying attention to macros, occasionally got sandwiches or would bring cookies with me and things but I was never used to packing my own lunches and felt like something "I shouldn't do" so I just wet hungry until I started bringing things inside my backpack myself. Yes, I was neglected
My problem is that despite all this, I have the weird idea in my head that I have to eat 3x a day, and that I have to eat different things each time, so I have different foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also try to be efficient with it and watch shows or take classes when I eat, to multitask. I don't track calories or track macros anymore, I'm not amazing at the estimates but I figured about the right amount to eat, however sometime I'm still hungry because the portion sizes I think are "right" may be too small or maybe I should wait it out but then I really think about food all day, other times I then I overeat and get a food coma
So I'm stuck in this weird loop where I have my breakfast while I watch shows, then get up to get something sweet, then I get stuck watching shows until I finally brush my teeth. Then idk I lose some time and then I eat lunch and get stuck again until I brush my teeth. Same for dinner which is when I take classes but I can't get up to brush my teeth until the assigned break or they{re over. It didn't matter because for a while I would brush my teeth immediately as I got braces but lately I just don't and sometimes I'm so stuck by the time I get up it's time for my next meal.
Then when idk what to do I just start thinking about what I'm gonna eat during the week and what I'm gonna buy to last me as long as possible, that it's easy to cook and clean, how I'm gonna distribute all my meals so I eat 3 different things every day... and I start thinking that I should really eat more vegetables.
I had a great routine going for a while but it got disrupted and I can't get back to it for a while... I don't cook any my own meals at this time for the same reason. However when I was able to I'd constantly find myself cooking small snacks in between meals anyways. I'm just too often in the kitchen or my room and the only activation energy I get is that I have to go eat. Another small factor is that my mom is a hoarder and I managed to make the kitchen and pantry the only decent space in the house, but there was a small amount of time when I also spent time in the living room. Been getting rid of things but it's hard and I'm inconsistent at it
It actually helped that I got up and immediately went and prepared my breakfast and ate for a while, it got me up, I ate even if I wasn't hungry otherwise I'd get stuck waiting for breakfast time lol
I'm a normal weight and I try to go to the gym at least once a week so I don't think it's an ED, it's a weird brain loop I got