u/Affectionate-Banana6

Hindi ko sure kung pang r/offmychest ito but decided to post it here since my breakthrough happened after I left home.

Ako panganay, nasa bahay yung mama at kapatid niya both senior citizens. May sister ako pero minsan lang umuwi. Nung nasa bahay ako, kahit nagbibigay na ako ng allowance, yung mga maliit na bagay sa aki pa rin humihingi. For 2 years wala akong ipon. Napuno na ako at umalis.

Started living alone last year March, so more than a year na ako solo living. I get to decide where to put my energy, being away also gave me freedom to focus on myself. Ngayon, I would say i’m truly thriving with a new job, I go home for quick carch up lang. in 2 months i will transfer to a bigger space and I can finally bring my dog to live with me!

May breakthrough rin ba kayo gaya nito?

For context, I have cleft palate, so yung ilong ko hindi pantay. Hindi naman ako ngo-ngo since na-close siya when I was young, and after speech therapy, okay na rin. I’ve had doctors ask me before kung saan siya inayos, and sadly yung doctor ko pumanaw na. They usually say it’s not that obvious lalo na from a distance but up close, kitang kita pa rin.

I work in an international org where I constantly meet and talk to people. Napapansin ko minsan na instead of eye contact, napapatingin sila sa cleft ko. Sanay na ako, but it still feels a bit uneasy. Pero for those who look me straight in the eye when talking, you have no idea how much I appreciate that kind of respect.

So recently, naka-duty ako in a South Asian country for meetings, working closely with government staff. Normal lang for me at first, until we went to a province where medyo mas “vocal” yung mga tao.

One time while I was setting up my laptop for a panel, I kept hearing the word “cantik” over and over. May instance din na habang naglalakad ako to a site, may dalawang nagpa-picture with me, tapos later may nakita pa akong post nila on WhatsApp using “cantik.” Curious ako so I Googled it and it means “beautiful.” WAAAAA 😭

Inisip ko baka polite lang sila or cultural thing, so hinayaan ko na. But then one of them messaged me after saying, “You’re so beautiful, Miss.” HAHAHAHA okay, medyo humaba buhok ko doon 😂

Next province, same routine na meetings. After a session, may group ulit na nagpa-picture sa amin (tatlo kami). Right after the photo, bigla silang nag “WOOOW BARBIEEEE,” tapos when my colleague asked “sino?”, they pointed at my photo 😭😂

To be fair, halos same lang naman kami ng features ng kasama ko, but someone even asked if half-Filipino daw ako because I look like I have some European features.

Honestly, first time ko ma-experience lahat to. So ngayon napapaisip ako… baka maganda nga ako? 😂