r/OffMyChestPH

Gusto ko na magkajowa.
Gusto ko na maging clingy.
Gusto ko na magbigay ng gifts.
Gusto ko na magdate after work.
Gusto ko na may ka-chill during weekends.
Gusto ko na may susundo sa akin after work.
Gusto ko na may yayakapin.
Gusto ko na may kausap tungkol sa random things.
Gusto ko na may kasamang mag-dinner.
Gusto ko na may kasama mag-grocery.
Gusto ko na may isasama sa mga outing kasi may mga boyfriend na yung mga friends ko. 😭
Gusto ko na mag-travel kasama siya.
Gusto ko na may kasama through ups and downs.
Gusto ko na may kasama habang nag-aachieve ng mga goals ko.
Gusto ko na maging supportive girlfriend.
Gusto ko na may ipagyabang pero lowkey lang. HAHAHA
Gusto ko na lulutuan namin isa’t isa.
Gusto ko na may certain hobby na sabay naming gagawin.
Gusto ko na may mapagkwentuhan ng araw ko.
Gusto ko na may aalagaan.
Gusto ko na may mag-aalaga rin sa akin.
Gusto ko na may ka-sex. 😭
Gusto ko na magmahal.
Gusto ko magtake ng cute na pictures.
Gusto ko na may mahalin ako at may nagmamahal sa akin.
Gusto ko na magkajowa.
Yun lang naman. 😭

I’m(F25) neurodivergent.

My boyfriend(M27) slept over sa place ko one time, and asked why i was tying yung ends ng curtain ko na may beads sa gitna, then yung sides ng curtain sa may katabing mirror at sa paa ng bed ko. I told him na tumatama yung beads sa glass door papuntang balcony pag ino-on ko yung fan sa gabi, at need ko itali in a certain way yung curtains para di tumunog, or else, di ako makaka-sleep buong gabi kahit sobrang hina lang ng tunog pero paulit ulit, and honestly, malapit ko na ikabaliw lol.

The next time na natulog siya sa place ko, paglabas ko ng shower, natali niya na yung curtains the same way na ginawa ko the first time he saw it. I never had to ask him to do it for me.

It might not mean much for other people, but it made me feel so seen. Hay. I love this guy so much.

Okay, bye.

Kanina, I wanted to clear out my fb account to make it more private by removing friend lists na hindi ako related or my previous students who I no longer have connection with.

Then suddenly, nakita ko account ng isang Tatay. Who've been contacting me everytime his baby needs blood for transfusion.

Almost a decade ago, 2017 when I first reached out to him. Nakita ko kasi post niya urgently needing blood for his baby, a two year old boy sa isang local group. So we connected, and exchanges phone numbers para mas mabilis yung communication namin.

We met sa blood bank ng hospital and made a little chat about me and his baby. I assured him na regular akong nagdodonate since 2012 so walang palya. "B+ po ako kuya, kaya eksakto kay Baby na nangangailangan din ng B+"

Umiyak siya, dahil wala siyang maibigay for me na kapalit. Sabi ko okay lang, to make our conversation lighter, sabi ko "be positive kuya". Just like yung blood type namin ni Baby.

With that, naging regular akong donor sakanila. Atleast in every 3 months until 2019.

Then came pandemic. Hindi nako nakapag donate for almost a year dahil I need to attend my grandfather na may sakit din that time. And a year pass, hindi na nag reach out sakin yung tatay. Lumipat narin ako ng lugar, because of job at dito narin nagka pamilya.

Until yun nga, I saw his profile again sa fb and manage to sneak out his posts. He changed his profile picture on Oct. 18, 2021 into a candle with a caption "paalam anak, mahal na mahal ka namin"

It breaks my heart, umiyak nalang ako nung nakita ko yun.

It's a sad reality of life that is against natural order, pero ito lagi pinanghahawakan ko "No parents should have to bury their child - King Theoden"

Gigil talaga ako sa nanay ng bf ko ino open ang acc ng bf ko , my bf tried to hingi his pass sa nanay nya but ayaw ibigay , mama nya kase may gawa ng acc nya di naman raw ino open ng mama nya noon not until kami na ng bf ko, i told my bf na pag sabihan nya nanay nya kase ang weird, btw we’re 22 and 23 na

As I get older, the more I realize how scary dating in this generation can be.

I know cheating has always existed, sadly, but it’s only recently that it really hit me just how common it seems to be. It’s gotten to the point where I know people who aren’t even particularly close to me, who I only know by name, who have been cheated on or are currently getting cheated on.

Bosses, professors, colleagues, friends, married people, engaged people, it feels like it’s everywhere.

And honestly, it’s made me a lot more hesitant about dating. It’s not that I’m completely closed off to the idea of being in a relationship. It’s just difficult to look at all the possible realities and not feel a little scared.

You can genuinely love someone, trust them, build a life with them, and still have no idea what they’re capable of doing behind your back. You can know someone for years and still never fully know them.

And there are so many ways to cheat now, too. Dating apps, social media, private messages, disappearing chats, there are seemingly endless avenues for people to cross boundaries, and some people have gotten incredibly good at hiding it.

Maybe I’m just becoming more aware of it as I get older, but sometimes it makes the idea of dating feel less exciting and more terrifying.

I know there are still good, loyal people out there. I just wish it were easier to believe that I’ll actually find one.

Or when you’re yearning for someone
Missing someone

Talk like they’re still there
Like how you’d usually talk to them
Tell them everything you wanna say
Thru a recording, by speaking to someone else, or just talking to thin air

So the feelings won’t get suppressed
And you’ll fell a little lighter
Because you’d be able to express your thoughts and emotions
Without reaching out to them

And here’s my way…
After all,
Why would I want someone back into my life
When all I felt was disrespect and exhaustion

To you:
I hope you find the happiness that you deserve
I still love you..
But this is where it ends

I just really need to vent this out

My sister suddenly called me a while ago. She was anxious talaga, and eventually she told me why.
She was initially diagnosed with a serious illness.

While she was telling me, umiiyak siya. Her son was playing in the background, laughing and just being happy.

And I was just there, crying silently. Ayoko ipakita sa kanya na umiiyak ako, so I was trying really hard to distract myself.

I was literally still working while talking to her. I was messaging my boss on Slack and clarifying some transactions while she was telling me all of this.

I think I just needed something to do because I didn’t know how else to react.

I’m still in disbelief.

Growing up, sanay ako na wala si ate sa tabi namin because she had to work and build a life somewhere else. She basically took on the role of being the father of our family. She became the breadwinner at 21.

After she graduated and passed the board exam, nagpursigi talaga siya. She worked in Saudi Arabia as a nurse, and eventually moved to the US. Now she has her own family there.

But despite all of that, she never really stopped helping us.

She helped put me through school. She still helps our mom and our other sister financially.

I eventually moved out because I wanted to lessen her financial burden. I wanted to be independent too.

And yes, we have a lot of disagreements. We don’t always see eye to eye. Especially after I moved out, we’ve had a lot of differences, even politically. We’ve had our own issues as sisters.

But obviously, none of that means I ever wanted something like this to happen to her.

I just can’t believe I saw my ate like that.

She was so scared.

She’s probably the healthiest person I know. She’s always been the strong one, the person who just keeps going no matter what happens.

And she’s already been through so much since she went to the US.

When she first went there, she was pregnant. She arrived first because nagkaproblema sa papers ng asawa niya, so he came later.

She gave birth without any of us there.

Thankfully, one of her former coworkers who was also in the US went to her and stayed with her. The doctors and nurses took care of her, but still. She had to go through giving birth in another country without her family around.

Then last year, she had a miscarriage.

And now this.

I was literally just thinking, haha tangina naman, like yah putangina.

Like, what else?

She has already been through so much, and now she’s scared.

She even told me to take care of her son. Hinabilin niya na sa akin yung 2yr old son niya. She keeps repeating na, sabihin ko sa kanya kung gaano niya kamahal anak niya at kung gaano niya katagal hiniling na magkaroon ng anak.

That really got to me.

I told her I’m willing to pause law school and go there if I have to. If she needs me, I’ll go and take care of her.

And it’s frustrating because I know how hard I’ve worked too. I finally have a sustainable job. I moved out. I’m trying to build my own life. I went back to law school after quitting years ago.

Pero who will my ate rely on, maliban sa asawa niya? Siyempre, kami na mga kapatid niya. We won’t risk na huminto sa college yung sister ko. Kaya sabi ko, ako nalang even without her asking. Ako nalang ang pupunta to take care of her and my pamangkin habang nagwowork si Kuya.

Honestly, frustrated din ako sa Diyos. I don’t really pray anymore and I don’t consider myself religious now.

But during our call, she asked me to include her in my prayers.

She doesn’t want to tell our mom and sister yet because she knows they’ll probably tell people at church, and she doesn’t want everyone knowing before she’s ready.

I told her, “Ate, di na ako nagdadasal eh.”
Then I said, “Sige, pag-pray kita.”

After the call ended, saka ako talaga humagulgol.
Kanina kasi pinipigilan ko lang dahil ayoko marinig niyang umiiyak ako.

I know we have disagreements. I know we’ve had our issues. We’re not always close.

But she’s my ate. ATE KO SIYA.

And she doesn’t deserve this.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I just really need to vent this out somewhere because I don’t know what else to do with all of this right now.
I just hope she’s going to be okay. Tambak pa yung readings ko, shet.

I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m a loser and that I have a temper na I’m trying to control naman
Earlier in August, my sister borrowed a bag from me para may magamit yung friend nya. Small bag. Para daw matchy yung group nila na may small bag. I was put on the spot so I relented. I don’t know her friend enough for me to be comfortable with lending my things to them.
Anyway, after their trip, I expected to get my bag back. Ang worst case scenario then for me was ibalik yung bag saakin na madumi. Pero lo and behold, may mas malala pa pala. Wala na palang balikan 🤣
My sister told me a few days after the trip na she told her friend daw na no need to give it back. Sabi ko ay hindi ko pinapamigay yung bag, akala ko naman that’s it na. Nasabi ko na, kaya I just need to wait for them to give my bag back. But today, I learned na talagang pinanindigan ng kapatid ko na ipamigay yung bag ko. Sa inis ko, I posted somewhere about this incident (which is wrong) tapos nagreply yung kapatid ko na akala daw kase nya ok lang dahil hindi ko naman na ginagamit. Then she added more issues to the point na by the end of her message, ako na ang mali at ang sama sama ko nang tao.

It was just a small nike bag worth less than 1k
Was it really worth it for all this drama?
Yes, yes it is. Because it’s not about the bag, I could live without that bag, I rarely used that bag. It was never about the bag.

Lately, I've been surrounded by Gen X and Millennials, so I told them that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Then someone said, “Baka bigla mo nalang ako batuhin.” After I explained my situation, they told me that our generation is too weak. They said that life was hard in the past, but they aren’t depressed or anything like that. Plus, knowing that her daughter is studying psychology... I guess that says a lot.

I genuinely felt so invalidated.

Please don't post this to other socmed platforms.

We were high school lovers, got broke up, then reunited again.

I (F25) really do think that he's (M27) a good person, a good man. He know what his priorities are, wala siyang bisyo, super practical in a good way, he's a good provider. As an eldest, I really appreciate him lending a hand to me, make the burden bearable. He always helps other people hangga't kaya nya. Sobrang focus niya makapagpundar, he's really building himself up. Sabi nga niya, minaliit na siya dati, ayaw na niya ulit maranasan yon. So he want to buy land, build a house and everything. He's very vocal with how I am included in his plans. Puro "tayo" and "natin" ang binabanggit niya. He told me he wants to build a family with me.

As cliche as it may sound but, I believe he's a good person but what if he's not my person?

I've been feeling so heavy lately. Kasi everytime na magkaaway kami, lagi ko na lang naqu-question if mahal nya ba talaga ako. At first, iniintindi ko yung trato niya, yung mga salita niya, yung ginagawa niya kasi baka nga "galit lang siya" tulad na rin ng sinasabi niya. Pero lagi na lang bang ganoon?

Hindi siya tatawag (VC) kapag hindi kami okay, hindi siya yung unang makikipag-usap, minsan, hindi talaga siya nakikipag-usap. Kapag uuwi ako from work wala manlang ingat ka, nasaan ka na? kumain ka na ba? He's really not checking on me. He's just there. Wala siyang pakelam sakin kapag magkaaway kami, as in nawawala siya. He'll say "Ang arte mo" "Bahala ka sa buhay mo" "Tumawag ka kung tatawag ka pero hindi ako tatawag sayo" "Humanap ka ng kausap mo" Binababaan niya ko lagi ng tawag in the middle of conversation.

Pagod na kong turuan siya paano niya ko dapat itrato kapag hindi okay ang lahat. Pagod na kong umasa na baka one day, pahalagahan na niya ko. Baka one day, matakot din syang mawala ako. I don't want to be loved like this.

I've been up the whole night thinking about ending my life. But then I realized na if I really wanted to die, I should just jump right into it and do it. Pero instead of just doing it, I reached out for help. This is where I realized na I only want to have someone to go to, someone who understands. I reached out for help kasi I thought she would understand. I was wrong. I was so wrong. Kaya yun na yung first and last time I will ever reach out for help again. Mag-isa na nga lang talaga ako sa buhay.

At least I tried reaching out. Ito siguro yung last straw ko in life. I gave life a shot. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko kakayanin, pero sooner or later, I'm pretty sure I will be gone.

Tbh, para na nga akong patay. Nakahiga lang ako, walang energy at all to do anything. Unemployed kasi I couldn't get a job. Pero mostly, loneliness. I stopped taking my meds and seeing my doctor na rin. Ang mahal masyado mabuhay para sa buhay na walang kwenta. Sana mawala ako sa paraang payapa :'))

Sinugod client ko sa hospital a month ago, wala ako confirmation kung ano yung sakit nya pero dahil close kami and palagi kami magkausap alam ko na nagpapacheckup siya ng lungs niya. Fast forward today nag chat sya kung pwede ba daw ako kausapin ng kapatid niya. Sobra close namin ni client, almost 7 years na ata ako nagwowork for her.

Kanina ko nalaman na may cancer siya hindi na sinabi kung ano stage pero second chemo nya daw din kanina. Gusto lang nila sabihin sakin kasi alam nila medyo nahirapan ako sa work now dahil ako lang employee niya and mga clients namin nag aask kung nasaan siya.

Nung after ako sabihan ng kapatid niya, nag ask siya if gusto ko daw ba kausapin client ko. Nag yes naman ako agad and pucha, ayun naiyak nalang ako. Sabi ko sorry if yung boses ko para ako umiiyak, kasi umiiyak tlga ako. Ramdam ko sa boses niya na masakit yung pakiramdam niya and that pains me as well.

Araw araw nagdarasal ako na sana maging ok siya hindi para sa trabaho ko kung hindi para sa ikakagaling talaga niya.

Hayyyyy

It’s so hard to love a man with no emotional intelligence.

Every time something doesn’t go his way, every time he dislikes something,he gives me the cold silent treatment. But never once does he tell me what’s wrong. Never explains. Never uses his words. Just shuts down, vanishes, and leaves me completely in the dark.

So I’m left guessing. Overthinking. Crying. Wondering "What did I do wrong?"

I analyze every message. Every choice. Every word I said. I try to figure out what upset him because he refuses to simply tell me. He makes me chase him, beg for attention, wonder if I’m too much… all because he lacks the basic decency to say “I’m upset because this happened."

He punishes me with silence instead of communicating. He makes me feel guilty for things I didn’t even know were wrong. And when I finally break down and cry? He says "I need space."

Space when I’m hurting because of his silence.

I’m tired of guessing. I’m tired of walking on eggshells. I’m tired of being punished for having feelings. Love shouldn’t be this hard. Love shouldn’t leave you wondering what you did wrong every single time.

I deserve someone who speaks. Someone who says "This hurt me" instead of freezing me out. Someone who meets me halfway instead of leaving me in the cold.

It took me a while to see it, his silence isn’t my confusion. It’s his choice. And I’m tired of paying the price for his inability to communicate. 🫂💛

Minsan I want the company of other people pero I still feel sad pag kasama ko yung ibang tao. I feel like I’m better off alone na lang. Like may freedom ako gawin ung gusto ko tapos di ko cinocompare sarili ko sa mga kasama ko.

I should accept it na ganun na lang talaga mangyayari sakin. I should also accept na people won’t like me and di rin ako maganda to be pursued.

A few months ago, I got out of a very, very toxic relationship with a man i was so trauma bonded to that it felt like i was going to die from heartbreak when i left. We lived together and had a poodle together for a year, but the pup was really mine. I was the one who primarily fed him, walked him, paid for everything, etc. I genuinely believe God knew I needed this dog to be able to survive that heartbreak. When the 3 of us lived together, my dog was extremely playful and normally would sleep on the floor at night (even though our bed was big and could fit him). My dog would come sit in front of me when me and my ex would argue and jump on him when he got too close. After my ex moved out, for about two months, all I did was work, come home, and cry for hours (obviously still taking my dog out in between and making sure his needs are met, don’t come for me). While i would lay on the floor and cry, my dog would bring me every toy in his box one by one and lay on top of me and try to lick my tears away. He started cuddling me at night, even though he was never much of a cuddler. I took a solo roadtrip for about a week with my dog where we went on hikes every day and visited new places. When i couldnt stop crying he would do silly things to make me laugh. I was never allowed out of his sight. When i would start getting anxious, it seemed like he could detect it and came running up to me. When i would have panic attacks and couldnt stop my hands from shaking and going crazy, he would forcibly remove them from my body so i didnt hurt myself. Now that i am a single woman living alone, i get scared on walks sometimes but he has already in two occasions been correctly protective. Watching him play with my nephews has been such a heartwarming experience, and it makes them want to hang out with me more now that im the cool aunt with a fun dog lol. He was my rock for such a long time, and my biggest reason for getting up even when i did not want to. He still is honestly.

A lot of my friends think i am crazy because i will leave the function if we are out for more than a few hours and my dog is home alone. They do not understand that this stinking dog brought me back to life when i needed it so badly.

Anyways, my point is, get a dog. They are genuinely amazing companions and will meld into your life. I am profoundly grateful to have gotten him when i did and to be able to experience such a loving and loyal doggy.

I just need to get this off my chest because this has been bothering me for a while.

From the very beginning, I already felt like my boyfriend’s mom didn’t like me. She’s always been cold toward me. Hindi naman siya directly rude, pero ramdam mo talaga yung pagka-cold and the way she talks to me sometimes feels like she’s looking down on me.

Now that I’m starting Nursing, mas napapansin ko.
She’s made comments about Nursing na parang hindi niya talaga ako nakikitang kakayanin. She would say things like, “Kaya mo ba talaga yan? mukhang mabagal ka kumilos at reklamador eh” and point out how difficult Nursing is, parang kailangan niyang ipaalala sa akin na mahirap yung pinili kong course. May times din na parang she’s already expecting me to struggle or eventually give up.
Maybe it sounds harmless kapag sinabi lang yung words, pero iba talaga yung tone. It doesn’t feel like concern. It feels like she’s questioning whether I’m capable enough.

And honestly, I feel like she’s making me and her son a competition.

My boyfriend is very intelligent, but he doesn’t even want Nursing. It’s not his dream, and I completely respect that. I chose Nursing because I want it for myself. I’m not trying to prove that I’m smarter than him or that I can do something he can’t. But with his mom, parang there’s always this comparison. Gusto nya kasi yung nursing para sa bf ko. Parang she needs to establish that her son is smarter or more capable than me. And I hate that because I never saw him as competition in the first place.

Sometimes I even wonder if she feels insecure about me because I’m pursuing Nursing while her son chose something else. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong about her intentions, but when someone has been cold to you from the start, then keeps making comments that make you feel incapable, it’s hard not to notice.

I’m literally just starting college. I already know Nursing is going to be hard. I don’t need someone constantly making me feel like I’m not capable of doing it.

I just want to study, survive Nursing, graduate, and become a nurse. I don’t want to compete with her son. I don’t want to compete with anyone.
I just wish she would stop making me feel like I have something to prove.

I discovered his cheating ass last 2024. He was actually doing this since 2021 pa. He would even pay for them, videochats in telegram, had a secret twitter with ‘femboy lover’ as his profile tag, solely for hunting down femboys. He denied having in person meetings or contacts with them. I have trails of gcash payments, bank transfers when he would pay for their online services. This was a major ground for divorce kaso wala nun sa Pinas. Sobrang mahal ko yung tao. Napatawad ko. I know, I’m that dumb. He deleted everything and promised me never again. I believed him.

Fast forward to 2026, you know when someone signed up again on telegram on one of your contacts it will show up, He signed up again. Checked his phone while he’s sleeping and found on his safari search history a site for femboys called erome. But I think he deleted his telegram again, not found even on hidden apps.

Is he gay, or it’s just one of his kinks, or fantasy. I actually can’t stomach everything. Nakaka suka. Namulat ako sa mga bagay bagay na ganun. May ganun pala. Naalala ko nung nag Thailand sila, nawalan sya ng signal daw or walang load for hours. Ayaw umamin, this was 2019 pa yata. Naalala ko lang kase talamak ang femboys dun.

He is the best husband you can think of. Aside from that. Should I let this one go again or is it enough. I think Im done.

Yon nag away kami dahil gusto ko ihatid GF ko sa school kung saan sya mag bo-board exam. Since madaling araw yung alis and malayo yung school from Bulacan to Pampanga. Masyado daw akong nagiging utsuan o alipin ng GF ko. Pero ako naman yung ag o-offer ng tulong sa kanya. Hirap

Edit: Additional details lang I am 26, living with my parents and may sarili akong sa-sakyan.

Sometimes, I miss what it feels like to be deeply loved by a man.

To have a shoulder to lean on when you're tired. To have someone pick you up and take you home. Someone who asks, "Have you eaten?" or "Where are you?".

That feeling of being surprised when you realize he's already outside your house, waiting for you.

The way he instinctively moves you to the safer side of the road when you're walking together. The late nights, the teasing, the laughter, the quiet moments, and having someone beside you through all of it.

Being taken out, being treated, being cared for in the little ways you never had to ask for.

I think that's what I miss.

Not just having someone to love, but knowing what it feels like to be loved deeply, intentionally, and gently.

I've gotten so used to being strong and doing things on my own that sometimes I forget how comforting it is to have someone who makes you feel like you don't always have to.

And honestly…

I miss that.

Habang tumatanda ako, mas vinavalue ko yung privacy ko and hindi ko na talaga hilig magshare sa social media. Sa totoo lang, ayoko na pinopost pictures ko sa social media kaso anghihilig ng friends ko na magpost bawat ganap, and kadalasan nasa Reels pa na public. Ayoko talaga nasasama sa mga ganun kaso kj naman kung sasabihin kong ayaw ko sumali sa pics/video.

So ayun. Nakakapagod na din talaga yung content creator culture ngayon kasi lahat na lang gusto gawing content yung regular moments na sana private lang. Tapos lagi na lang gustong may gayahing viral na video, mga ganern. Pasalamat na din siguro ako na walang naglalive sa amin.

Ayun lang, rant lang kasi naglabasan na naman mga edited videos ng recent hangout namin.