Pagod na ko sa boyfriend ko (10+ years na kami)
Please don't post this to other socmed platforms.
We were high school lovers, got broke up, then reunited again.
I (F25) really do think that he's (M27) a good person, a good man. He know what his priorities are, wala siyang bisyo, super practical in a good way, he's a good provider. As an eldest, I really appreciate him lending a hand to me, make the burden bearable. He always helps other people hangga't kaya nya. Sobrang focus niya makapagpundar, he's really building himself up. Sabi nga niya, minaliit na siya dati, ayaw na niya ulit maranasan yon. So he want to buy land, build a house and everything. He's very vocal with how I am included in his plans. Puro "tayo" and "natin" ang binabanggit niya. He told me he wants to build a family with me.
As cliche as it may sound but, I believe he's a good person but what if he's not my person?
I've been feeling so heavy lately. Kasi everytime na magkaaway kami, lagi ko na lang naqu-question if mahal nya ba talaga ako. At first, iniintindi ko yung trato niya, yung mga salita niya, yung ginagawa niya kasi baka nga "galit lang siya" tulad na rin ng sinasabi niya. Pero lagi na lang bang ganoon?
Hindi siya tatawag (VC) kapag hindi kami okay, hindi siya yung unang makikipag-usap, minsan, hindi talaga siya nakikipag-usap. Kapag uuwi ako from work wala manlang ingat ka, nasaan ka na? kumain ka na ba? He's really not checking on me. He's just there. Wala siyang pakelam sakin kapag magkaaway kami, as in nawawala siya. He'll say "Ang arte mo" "Bahala ka sa buhay mo" "Tumawag ka kung tatawag ka pero hindi ako tatawag sayo" "Humanap ka ng kausap mo" Binababaan niya ko lagi ng tawag in the middle of conversation.
Pagod na kong turuan siya paano niya ko dapat itrato kapag hindi okay ang lahat. Pagod na kong umasa na baka one day, pahalagahan na niya ko. Baka one day, matakot din syang mawala ako. I don't want to be loved like this.