r/AkoBaYungGago

TLDR: Ako ba'y maituturing na isang gagong asawa, if itutuloy ko pa ring sumama sa IRL meetup ng DC social server namin, despite my wife aggressively protesting against it and saying "wala ka namang mapapala dyan sa pag-sama mo sa kanila, nagsasayang ka lang ng oras pamilyado ka na pero nag fe-feeling binata ka pa tanda tanda mo na".

Context:
• I'm (33m) a working professional in a tech company around makati.
• A sole provider and a dad of four kids.
• married for 4yrs 11mos with my wife (31f), been together for over 11 years na.
• just recently joined an online discord server, reason for joining is mainly for co-working hangout & gaming, while also trying to make new friends.
• have literally 0 real-life friends or social interactions, besides striving everyday to be a good father to our kids, and a loving husband to my wife.
• the only "human" connections/interactions I've ever had in the past so far are purely just with colleagues from work and/or former colleagues from past companies that I've worked with. hindi rin naman ganoon kadami yung nabuo kong connections tbh, tapos ndi na rin nagkukumustahan nang gaano.
• if bibilangin yung social interactions ko: with my bro's/sis's in law (wife has 4 other siblings), my kids, my wife, mga kapitbahay na di ko gaanong kinakausap din unless kailangan (I'm introverted), then yes I guess am "interacting" and "functioning" sa society as a hooman, but hanggang doon na lang iyon.

Hello there fellow redditors,

Ako ay isang corporate worker na nag wo-work sa isang >!cybersecurity!< company. I'm currently earning >!5 digits!< (but honestly, we don't find this is sufficient enough specially in this economy & current state of affairs). With 4 mouths to feed, 7-total if including my wife, her niece in college na pinapa-aral namin and lives with us, and me, my compensation literally just lets us survive payroll by payroll in this setup).

Hindi po kami maluhong pamilya, since both me and wife came from modest family backgrounds, marangya lamang po ang aming pamumuhay. We didn't have a lot in life, and specially we don't have a much to our names now besides: house+rights nabili namin nitong pandemic at yung 60.5 sqm titled lot that we purchased in my wife's hometown (which right now is naka tengga cos we live here in NCR), mangilan-ilang mga gamit, we have no cars or jewelries, not many gadgets around the house besides a barely functioning low-end smartphone for general-use across the household members, just the basic house necessities (a flat tv for entertainment, a refrigerator, some kitchenwares/appliances like microwave oven and an airfryer.. ohh, and a looot of clipfans hehehe), and then the usual school stuff / toys of our 4 kids and then other normal stuff all to ourselves.

I've known reddit since way back when, specially that I am a casual mobile/PC gamer (used to be a hardcore gamer before meeting my then GF na naging partner in life, nag decline na lang gaming habits ko due to responsibilities and life happenings) pang unwind/destress, but silent reader lang and scrolls from time to time sa mga subs gaya netong ABYG sub and chronically online because of the nature of my work.

Neve rhad any cheating issues, and never attempted na sayangin o sirain ang buhay na binuo ko with my family, after everything we've built and the hardships/trials/tribulations we've been thru. A few fights here and there, pero sino ba namang couple ang hindi nagkaroon ng pagtatalo o mga hindi pagka-kasunduan with their S.O. diba. Afaik, never ako nagkulang in terms of emotional needs and physical intimacy with my wife, I always make sure na at least once a day I kiss her or hug her, whether in front of our kids or not, and help with the chores whenever I can. I guess my shortcoming as a husband is maaga kong ni-rush na dumami kami as a family not foreseeing na magkaka ganito ang bansa natin (what a shitshow of a country), but actively seeking a 2nd job/side-gig to remedy this and try to increase our household income, while the waifu does her online-selling of pastries and other food stuffs.

Just last week, came back sa Reddit & Discord after getting stunned na maba-ban supposedly (which niretract din naman ng mga kumag eventually, lol) and discovered a Social/Gaming Server post sa isang Gaming Sub. After applying and joining, introduced myself, learned that the server is super chill and very SFW (server consists mostly of working professionals that has a common similarity/hobby specially gaming) so I planned to stay and intended to make new friends there. I eagerly interacted and eventually started to make meaningful connections and friendsihps even though hindi pa naman ako nakaka isang-buwan sa server na yon. Idk, genuine kc ang pakiramdam and super chill and friendly ng mga members (mostly Guys and a few handful of Girl members) so I wanted to belong with that group of people na alam kong matitino and hopefully matatawag kong circle of friends (finally, may friends na din si tito nyo yay!).

While doing my regular interactions and socializing, eventually an announcement was made by the Server Owner for an IRL meetup for all members regardless if malapit lang or malayo though hindi naman sapilitan, as with other social server IRL's diba?, basta game makipag eyeball to be able to get-together and socialize even further. Since hindi din naman malayo ang venue ng IRL meetup I knew within myself na I had to join and I mustn't waste this opportunity.

And so I communicated this calmly and clearly with the waifu, even wanted her na sumama sana, para magkasama naman kaming mkalabas, since wala na nga kaming time maka labas2/gala2 together (I was thinking na it's been a while na rin kase from when we last went gala, outside of our regular purpose of going out for grocery-dates or para mamalengke/umattend ng mga PTA meetings ng mga bata, ganyan) and para mabawasan man lang sana ang burn-out nya sa bahay, mga bata, mga chores, as well as her stress sa mga orders nya (she's a super mom and I super love her with all of my heart).

At first, she's just non-chalant and walang kibo about it after hearing yung paalam ko sa kanya, but these past few days pansin na pansin kong nagbago ng kaunti yung attitude ni wife, lalo't minsan na nadidinig nyang may nakakausap ako or nakakatawanan (hndi po ako nag he headset, naka open mic and speaker lang para ndi ako paghinalaan or what, and I don't want her to feel upset na I'm talkative or kuda ng kuda sa mga ka-server ko while working / during my work hours). Tapos, nito lang morning na ito, niremind ko lang sana sa kanya na "Mhie, punta tayo ha? doon sa meetup namin ng server namin". Her reaction made me speechless and gulat na gulat ako ng malala kase bigla na lang nyang nasabi na "Dhie ano ba yan! Puro yan at yan na lang inaatupag mo, magdamag kang may mga kinakausap, palagi ka na ngang puyat sa trabaho mo tapos imbis magpahinga ka sa RD mo, uunahin mo yang meetup2x na yan?"

na shock ako ng husto, and I didn't have the words to respond to her. I sat there in front of my work laptop.. then she went on to continue adding "wala ka namang mapapala dyan sa pag-sama mo sa kanila, nagsasayang ka lang ng oras saka pamasahe, pamilyado ka na pero nag fe-feeling binata ka pa tanda tanda mo na"... I realized suddenly na baka nga totoo ang sinabi ni misis, na masyado na akong nagiging masaya sa server na to, not realizing na baka nagko-cause ng discomfort, or ng unconscious conflict between us yung ginawa ko. After she blurted this out, pumasok lang sya sa loob ng pinto and ako naman eh natulala lang talaga sa monitor ko, sat there for a whole 10 or 15 minutes with some realizations, pondering on what I did/i've done wrong...

Ayaw ko namang ma disappoint si misis sa akin, and feel ko na may kaunting "selos" na namumuo sa mga salitang binitawan nyang yon... so Im considering to turn down the invitation na lang and hindi na lang siguro magpakita sa mga ka-server ko, however naiisip ko rin namang ang talk-shit kong tao if di na ako magpapakita sa IRL, na para bang napaka sama ko namang kaibigan if I leave them hanging (though ndi ko pa din naman talaga sila ganuong kilala at ganun din sila sa akin).

Ako ba'y magiging isang gago, if ipilit ko yung pag-sama ko sa IRL meetup ng server namin knowing na kontra ang S.O. ko about this? Gago ba akong asawa if I push through with my initial decision, or gago ba akong server-member for not standing by my words (specially that I promised them na sasama ako at mag dadala ng mga pa-tikim na pastries ng aking wife sana for potential customers)?

Please be respectful and hoping na hindi po kayo nagiisa ngayon sa life, and wishing you fellow redditors the life and friendships that ya'll deserve.

College student ako ngayon. Wala na akong natatanggap na regular na pera mula sa parents ko para sa pagkain, pamasahe, school expenses, o kahit baon.

Ang natatanggap ko na lang sa kanila ay yung bahay na tinitirhan ko at yung kuryente at tubig. Appreciated ko naman yun, at alam kong malaking bagay din yun. Pero at the same time, parang nakakaramdam ako ng kakulangan ng support kasi okay naman sya sa kapatid ko at sa kuya kong may sinusustenhan pang anak.

Minsan nagwo-work ako bilang motorcycle taxi rider para magka income kapag walang schoolworks. Ang iniisip ko sana sa kinikita ko ay para sa savings ko at sa mga bagay na gusto kong bilhin. Pero dahil wala naman akong baon o regular na pera para sa pagkain at ibang daily expenses, napupunta rin yung kinikita ko sa necessities.

Kaya minsan naiisip ko, sana kahit maliit na amount lang yung binibigay nila para sa pagkain or school expenses. Hindi naman ako naghahanap ng malaking allowance o gusto kong sila ang sumagot sa lahat. Gusto ko lang sana magkaroon ng konting financial support para mas makapag-ipon ako ng pera na pinaghihirapan ko.

Dahil dito, nakakaramdam ako ng sama ng loob sa nanay ko. Minsan naiisip ko rin na kapag graduation ko na, ayoko silang imbitahan. Parang may part sa akin na nagsasabi na, “Ako naman ang nagtrabaho at dumiskarte para sa sarili ko habang nag-aaral, kaya bakit ko pa sila kailangang isama sa achievement na pinaghirapan ko?”

Pero at the same time, guilty din ako kasi hindi naman nila ako pinabayaan completely. May bahay akong inuuwian at sila ang sumasagot sa kuryente at tubig.

Kaya hindi ko alam kung valid ba yung nararamdaman ko o nagiging ungrateful lang ako.

ABYG kung nakakaramdam ako ng ganitong sama ng loob sa parents ko? At unreasonable ba kung ayaw ko silang imbitahan sa graduation ko?

hello kaka regular ko lang sa work ko. so syempre bilang bago bago palang lahat pinakikisamahan ko. nakikipag usap ako sa lahat at sinasabayan ko sila sa trip nila.

3 months in, may isa akong ka-work na napansin ko nag iba na kilos nya around sakin. everyday binibigyan nya ako mg gifts (food and material stuff). grateful naman ako kasi maliit lang sahod nya pero naiisip nya pang bigyan ako. may times din na minemessage nya ako sa gabi.

nag start ako mailang ngayon simula nung minessage Nya ako one night at nag comment sya sa isa kong picture sa isang messaging app, at nag ask pa if meron pa akong ibang pics. gustong gusto Nya rin na kaming dalawa lang magkasama at ittake yung opportunity na yun para mag picture kami. may mga times na kaming dalawa lang magkasama to run errands, hihirit sya na gumala muna kami at mamaya na bumalik sa office. ang hilig nya rin mag comment na kesyo bagay ko raw gantong katawan, bagay ko yung gantong buhok, maganda raw ako pag ganto etc etc.

to cut the story short it got worse and eventually i think he got obsessed sa akin.

ni report ko na to sa superior ko at sa hr namin but after ilang months na kasi nahirapan ako mag open up. kilala ko kasi yung guy as pa victim at paawain. in my head kasi baka luge lang ako kasi matagal na sya sa company.

na dismiss sya sa work but halos 1 month after ko mag report bago nag karoon ng aksyon. kumalat din sa buong company namin yung ginawa nya. kaya it lowkey got me paranoid and gave me anxiety kasi baka wala na kumausap sakin sa work. lalo’t na male dominated yung work place namin.

here’s the catch, halos wala pang 1 month simula nung inalis siya, ay nabalitaan ko na binalik pala sya. wala nag nag sabi sakin. di ako sinabihan ng mga superiors ko na binalik pala sya. di ko pa malalaman hanggat di pa nachismis sakin. pero ilang araw na rin nakalipas ko pa bago nalaman.

nalaglag puso ko nung nalaman ko yun. kasi simulat sapul palang, ramdam ko na di ako papaboran at maddisappoint lang ako sa kakalabasan pag nag report ako. lo and behold tama nga hinala ko. nandun parin siya, nasa iisang area lang kami.

kahit sabihin mo nasa kabilang site siya sa ngayon, dadating at dadating yung panahon na mag tatapo ulit landas namin kasi nasa iisang area lang naman kami.

ngayon feel ko stuck ako sa ganto. di ako basta maka alis kasi mahirap mag hanap ng trabaho. feel ko sobrang helpless ko. para sakin pinaasa ako ng sobra ng company namin.

ABYG kasi naiisip ko na ako nalang aaksyon at gaganti sa ginawa Nya sakin. gusto ko ilantaran sa public yung no. nya. gusto sya naman makatanggap ng kung ano anong texts?

ps~~. if gusto nyo maget numer0 nya pi-em nyu is me~~