u/mcflytraps

or maybe a parent body?

are the connections too different o: or can it be done

Namatay kasi tito (75m) ko early this month. Cancer. Last few days nya dito ako (30f) nagbantay sa kanya.

Nagviewing saka misa na kami last week at umattend naman ako nun. Nacremate na rin po. Problema ko is parang nahawa ako sa sakit ng isa sa mga bisita 😭 di ko na alam sino andami kong kamag-anak na bineso.

Pag-uwi ko sobrang bigat ng katawan ko + linalagnat ako. Tatlong araw na migraine ko.

Sabi ng mom (65f) ko na maaga pa naman daw, pwede pa ko gumaling in time for the dinner. Sa Friday yung dinner, Wed ko tinatype ko. Feeling ko di pa ko magiging 100% by friday, tas parang ang sama naman ng ugali ko kung aattend ako tas may iba akong hahawaan?? Pero sabi nila kailangan daw pumunta ako kasi respect daw ganun. Eh may sakit nga ako 😭

Ako ba yung gago kung di ako aattend? technically nakapag-paalam na ko sa tito ko, pero giniguilt trip nila ko na kailangan ko daw pumunta. Note na hindi po siya libing, dinner lang talaga sya tas may mga sildeshow saka speech ganun.

I’ve probably caught covid more times than I realize and it kills me inside. I’m truly doing my best and mask whenever I can. Whenever I have to go out in public, whenever I have to share indoor spaces with people… And I don’t attend huge public events where I know I have a risk of being exposed, like concerts or parties.

I’m trying, I really am.

I’m getting so tired of begging everyone I care about to mask, if not for me but for themselves. My mother has to go in for a mammogram tomorrow + my father is taking her and I’m desperately reminding them both to mask in a hospital. They also constantly turn the air purifiers off because they believe the ventilation in the house is “enough.”

I truly mourn the loss of public health, and the quality of life we could have had otherwise. I also mourn what could have been my future, and quite honestly, I mourn all my relationships. None of the ones I have right now are the same because everyone thinks I’m a hypochondriac freak, and I also can’t view them all the same way because they would sacrifice everyone just to have brunch in a crowded restaurant.

…it’s also hard for me to form new relationships because people think I’m weird for still masking, and on the other hand I also feel like it isn’t worth befriending anyone new who doesn’t care about disease transmission.

I just don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown.

Does anyone have any tips and maybe success stories with convincing people to mask again when they’ve stopped completely? Please. I’m desperate. Thank you.