ABYG kung di ko pag aaralin kapatid ko?
Context
I’m a 29F, a single parent of two girls (12F and 6-month-old). I’m also the eldest among my siblings.
My younger sister (25F) wants to go back to school because she believes her lack of a degree is the reason she can’t get hired for higher positions.
I’ve repeatedly told her that there’s nothing wrong with starting from the bottom and working her way up. Both me and our brother (26M) did exactly that. I started as call center agents, eventually became TLs, and later transitioned into VA work. I'm not high-income earners, but we make enough to support our children and contribute to the household. While my brother is still working in housekeeping at a hotel in Pasay.
My sister, however, didn’t want to hear any of that. My mom also tends to side with her and defend her decisions.
Recently, I caught my sister taking money from my bag. When I confronted her about it, she somehow turned the situation around and acted like she was the victim.
The School Situation
My sister really wants to study. Initially, she wanted to enroll in a public college, but she had an outstanding ₱12,000 balance from her previous school. Since she couldn’t pay it, she enrolled again in that school instead.
Now, the problem is her tuition.
She says she’ll become a working student, but so far, she still hasn’t found a job. She keeps saying she’s “waiting” for an opportunity, but she isn’t actively applying either.
I even tried to help her financially without simply handing her money. I offered to outsource some of my own work to her so she could earn while studying. I was willing to train her and teach her the work, but when it was time for me to actually train her, she refused.
She currently has no money even for her daily allowance and essentially has zero balance, yet she still expects things to somehow work out. She even asking me to buy her make up and dresses.
Why I’m Completely Refusing to Support Her
At this point, I’m completely refusing to financially support my sister.
This isn’t simply because I don’t want her to study. I actually understand why she wants a degree. My issue is that I’ve already tried to help her find a way to support herself, and she refused the opportunity.
On top of that, she stole money from me. That alone seriously damaged my trust in her. I’m a single parent with two children, and I’m not comfortable financially supporting someone who has already taken money from me without permission.
Another thing that frustrates me is that she seems to prioritize clinging on her boyfriend whenever she has the opportunity rather than actively working toward becoming financially independent. I’m not saying she can’t cling on her boyfriend or that there’s anything inherently wrong with their relationship. What bothers me is the pattern of depending on other people while simultaneously expecting me and our mom to somehow solve her financial problems.
My mom is 59 and unemployed. I also have two children and my own household to take care of. I cannot—and honestly, do not want to—take responsibility for my adult sister's tuition and living expenses.
If she genuinely wants to study, she needs to find a way to make it happen herself—whether that means working, starting somewhere else, finding a cheaper school, taking a break to save money, or figuring out another legitimate option.
I’m not going to pay her tuition, give her allowance, or continuously bail her out.
I don’t think refusing to financially support an adult sibling makes me a bad person, especially after I’ve already tried to give her an opportunity to earn and she refused it.
So, ABYG for completely refusing to financially support my sister?