r/adviceph

Problem/Goal: I'm curious about something and would appreciate perspectives from Filipinos who regularly communicate in both Tagalog and English. 🙂

Context: Someone I know grew up in the Philippines and has lived in North America for over 15 years (mid to late 30s now). English is their second language, although they've spoken it for many years. They primarily use Tagalog with friends and family.

I've noticed a recurring pattern in our conversations, both in person and through text.

Sometimes I'll ask a straightforward question, and the response will be about something completely unrelated.

For example, I might ask, "Would you prefer Thai or sushi for dinner?" and the response might be, "I can do this strumming pattern on a guitar."

Another time, I was sharing something about a meeting I'd had with a pastor. In the middle of that conversation, the person suddenly started talking about rats on their deck and not being able to find a beach tent. There was no obvious connection between the topics. 🫤

What's particularly confusing is that when I gently ask, "Did you hear my question?", the person will sometimes smile and say, "Yes," (that's it) but still won't answer the original question. Other times, there's no response at all.

This isn't an occasional misunderstanding. It's a pattern I've noticed repeatedly every week or more often.

I'm wondering whether bilingual Tagalog-English speakers have experienced anything similar, either personally or when communicating with someone whose first language is English.

Could it be related to processing a second language, differences in conversational habits, attention issues, or something else?

I'm not suggesting this is a Filipino cultural trait or trying to diagnose anyone. I'm genuinely interested in understanding what might be happening and how to communicate more effectively.

I'd appreciate hearing from anyone with firsthand experience. Thanks!

Problem/Goal:

I need perspective and advice on how to handle an increasingly hostile and disrespectful relationship with my mother-in-law. My boundary right now is strict low-contact for the sake of my mental peace, but because our social circles overlap, I want to know if maintaining this distance indefinitely is sustainable, and how to protect my marriage without letting her toxicity drive a wedge between my husband and me.

​Context:

My husband and I have been married for over a year and were together for a decade before tying the knot. While things seemed civil on the surface when we were dating, subtle red flags were always present. She seemed resentful whenever her son spent money on me, constantly made passive-aggressive remarks about wanting him to work overseas, and turned him into the primary family breadwinner—even though my father-in-law is an active seaman and both in-laws are young and capable of working. Despite this, I went out of my way to be thoughtful, buying her genuine designer gifts for birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Christmas.

​Things deteriorated rapidly once we got engaged and began planning our wedding:

She seemed bitter about the engagement—likely because her son stopped absorbing all her debts. She tried dictating our wedding budget to just 50k–100k, demanded we invite distant relatives and acquaintances who had no part in our journey, and threw a massive fit on the wedding day. In my bridal suite, she screamed at my 80k Hair and Makeup team (claiming she could do her own makeup) and yelled at my family's helper in front of my bridesmaids. During the parent speeches, instead of offering blessings, she publicly took petty jabs asking if I even knew how to do household chores, mortifying my family and our guests.

Recently, a mutual friend told me my MIL has been spreading rumors that I am "barren" (baog) and unable to give her son a child because of my pre-existing heart condition. While I underwent a successful heart procedure and my cardiologist has given me 100% medical clearance to conceive, weaponizing my medical history and claiming I cannot carry a child crossed an absolute line. My husband confronted her; she sent me an excuse-laden chat, which I chose to ignore because the disrespect had gone far beyond an apology.

She recently sent my husband a cropped, manipulated screenshot claiming I called her a diablo (devil)—a blatant fabrication that my husband immediately saw through. Whenever they are in our home (which was gifted to us by my family), she acts entitled, refusing even basic courtesy like helping clear the table, watching my mother and me do all the cleanup.

​Previous Attempts:

I have completely cut off personal contact. I stopped sending her gifts, stopped greeting her on holidays/birthdays, and decline family gatherings where she is present. While my husband firmly defends me, recognizes her manipulation, and respects my need for boundaries, I know it silently weighs on him to see his wife and mother completely estranged.

​Is maintaining strict estrangement/low-contact sustainable for the rest of our marriage, especially if we eventually have children? For those with chronically narcissistic or hostile in-laws, how do you manage family obligations without sacrificing your self-respect and peace of mind?

Problem/Goal: Minamanyak ng husband ng ate ko ang mga school girls namin. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko kasi di ko alam pano sasabihin kay ate pati na rin sa mga magulang ko.

Context: May dalawa kaming school girls na pinapaaral, isang grade 11 at isang grade 12. Yung g12, since grade 5 pa siya nandito saamin. At yung grade 11 naman, mag 2 years palang siya saamin. One time pagka uwi ko, nag sabi sakin yung g11, hindi niya na daw kasi kaya. Tinry daw siya halikan ng husband ng ate ko. Nanginginig yung bata tapos parang naiiyak. Syempre nagulat ako. Kasi jusko 16years old lang yung bata tapos si kuya(husband ng ate ko) nasa 30+ na. Pedophile ampota. Tinanong ko if first time lang ba nangyari. Sabi niya ilang beses na daw, pag wala kami sa bahay. Meron daw one time, inaya siya ni kuya na mabilis lang naman daw tas babayaran daw siya if mag s*x sila. Syempre umayaw ang bata tapos sinabihan siya na papagalitan siya ng tatay niya if gagawin niya yun. Tapos may times padin na tina try siya halikan sa lips. Sobrang nanggagalaiti talaga ako. Tapos yung g12 naman, tinanong ko if ginawa na din ba yun sakanya. Sabi niya, oo din daw. Tina try din siya halikan, pero sinabihan niya si kuya na susumbong niya kay ate pag pinilit niya pa halikan ulit. Kaya di na siya masyado minamanyak ng pedo. Tapos one time din daw na sa kotse sila, pinipilit ni kuya na mag kiss sila tapos babayaran niya daw yung bata. Syempre umayaw ang bata. Galit na galit ako ngayon, as in. Ilang days ako di makatulog. Kasi syempre mga bata yan. Bakit niya babastusin. Ang problema lang, mahal na mahal ni ate husband niya, ata baka baliktarin ng husband niya ang mga bata. Kawawa naman yung g12 wala na magulang at siya nalang talaga mag isa sa buhay. Yung g11 sobrang hirap ng buhay nila sa bundok. 1 hr and 30 mins na lakaran bago maka baba.

Previous attempts: sinabihan ko na if minsan na mag isa lang sila sa bahay. Tapos umuwi si kuya. Mag ready sila ng phone nila kahit voice record lang or video. Para may proof. Ayoko kasing baliktarin sila.

Problem/Goal: Hi ulit. Ako yung may bf of 3 years asking me na bumukod, give up my comfortable life, and work para 50-50 kami sa bills. I took your advices to heart. Thought about it thoroughly and decided na makipagbreak na. Problem is idk how.

Context: I will be continuing law school. I don’t wanna be a free maid just because I love him. I can handle heartbreak but not the thought of not achieving my dreams. Hindj ko lang alam kung paano makipagbreak.

Problem/Goal: Gusto po naming malaman ang aming legal options, kung pwede ba itong idulog sa PAO (Public Attorney's Office), at kung ano ang tamang proseso ng pagrereklamo (internal hospital complaint, DOH, PRC) ukol sa kapabayaan (medical negligence) na nagdulot ng 2nd-degree burn sa aming 2-month-old baby.

Context: Ang aming 2-month-old baby ay kaka-opera lang para sa incarcerated left indirect inguinal hernia. Matagumpay ang herniotomy, pero paglabas sa operating/recovery room, napansin namin na may malaking raw wound (2nd-degree burn) at pagbabalat sa kaniyang puwet.
Under investigation pa ang nangyari sa ngayon, pero ang malakas naming suspetsa ay sanhi ito ng heating pad sa recovery room. Napansin kasi ng misis ko doon na napakamainit ng balat ni baby at tinanong niya agad ang nurse, pero sinabihan lang siya na "normal lang 'yon." Malinaw po sa amin na may kapabayaan (negligence) na nangyari.

Previous Attempts:

• Naitanong na sa nurse sa recovery room noong napansing mainit ang balat ni baby pero pinalampas lang nila.
• Kasalukuyang ginagamitan ang sugat ng MEBO ointment para sa wound care ayon sa reseta.

Questions:

1. Pwede po ba kaming mag-file ng kaso sa PAO (Public Attorney's Office)? Ano-ano po ang mga kailangang ihanda o alamin para tulungan ng PAO?
2. Sa mga may kaparehong karanasan ng medical negligence o aksidente sa loob ng ospital, ano-ano po ang naging eksaktong steps o proseso na ginawa ninyo?
3. Paano po ang tamang pakikipag-usap sa hospital management habang ongoing ang imbestigasyon nila para hindi nila maipasawalang-bahala ang nangyari?
4. Ano po ang karaniwang ginagawa ng ospital sa ganitong kaso, at ano ang dapat naming hingin sa kanila bilang kasunduan (agreement) o desisyon?

Problem/Goal: Gusto ko na sana siningilin ex ko na may utang sakin ng ₱16k. Problema, yung listahan ko na nagpapatunay na ₱16k yon, nasa messenger/fb ko dati na di ko na maaccess. Nandun sa conversation namin, halaga nalang naaalala ko pero di ko na naaalala kung paano umabot yon ng ganung amount. Di kami nag end in good terms, pinost ko siya sa fb dahil ayaw nya magpatinag non. Umabot na sa point na ni piso ala ako pero di niya ko mabayaran, weight ko bumaba from 75kg bumagsak ng 55kg dahil nag cheat siya at ulit ulit na nang bakla. Nagkasakit na ako pero ala siyang konsensya. Pero nakikita ko nakakapag inom pa. Nakapag handa pa nung bday niya, nakapag arkila pa ng resort. Glad I came out of that situation at nasa healthy rs na now.

Context: Bigla siyang nagka clothing line na umabot na ng 11k followers sa fb. Nakakuha nadin siya ng influencers para nag model, sure naman may tf yun no. Ilang months nadin yon at nakapag labas narin naman siya ng madaming design. So safe to say na okay siya financially. Ang kaso, nung time na hindi nya na ako mabayaran at nagkakasamaan na ng loob. Pinost ko siya sa fb. Inexpose mga pang ccheat niya at mga conversations na minumura niya ako dahil lang galit na ako at ayaw niya mag bayad. Kasi ako walang makain literal.

Ayaw niya ko bayaran ng maayos. I was 22 back then, nauuna pa emotions ko kesa sa pag iisip. Tapos siya may ganang mag handa ng party? Mag rent ng resort at bumili ng sangkatutak na alak? May time pa na 4 days tubig lang laman ng tiyan ko. Aware siya dun, pero wala siyang konsensya. Ngayon nabubuhay lahat ng galit at inis ko, ang unfair. Hindi pa okay buhay ko, nag sstart palang ulit ako at part siya ng pagkalugmok ko non. Instead na kinakarma dapat siya, bakit biglang yaman niya? Biglang okay? Tapos ako nagpapakapagod magtrabaho. Gusto ko lang kuhanin pera ko kasi deserve ko makuha yun. Pero di ko alam if worth the hassle and the drama pa. Ilang araw nadin to nasa isip ko. Di ko alam if mag rreach out pa ako. Add ko lang na few months ago, nag follow request pa siya sakin sa ig pero di ko inaccept.

Previous Attempts: Nag reach out lang ako dun sa mutual friend namin na ginawa niyang model ng line niya kung siya ba talaga may ari nung brand. Confirmed, kanya nga.

Edit: For additional context, nakuha niya as model si Lei Leal, Jersey Obispo and couple KeithJuan. So safe to say may pera na siguro talaga no? Haha