r/adviceph

Problem/Goal:

I'm trying to better understand how Filipino men think when it comes to dating Black women. Specifically, I'm curious about what would stop a Filipino man from approaching a Black woman he genuinely finds attractive.

Context:

I'm a Black woman who's been living in the Philippines for almost 10 years.

One of the reasons I'm asking is because, from what I've observed, it's much more common to hear about foreign men dating or marrying Filipinas than it is to hear about Filipino men dating or marrying foreign women—especially Black women.

That doesn't mean it never happens. It's just something I've noticed over the years, and it made me curious.

I've never had a serious relationship with a Filipino man. I briefly dated one for about a month, but it didn't work out because of cultural differences, language barrier and he was significantly younger.

I've also tried Facebook Dating and received plenty of matches and messages from Filipino men. However, I've often wondered whether they were genuinely interested in me as a potential partner or whether it was simply curiosity because I'm different.

I know lighter skin has long been a common beauty standard in the Philippines, and I'm not trying to accuse anyone of being racist or start an argument. I'm simply interested in hearing honest perspectives.

So if you're a Filipino man and you saw a Black woman you genuinely found attractive, what would go through your mind? Would you approach her? If not, what's stopping you?

Is it because:

You assume she wouldn't be interested in Filipino men?

You're worried about the language or cultural differences?

You'd feel intimidated because she's Black or a foreigner?

Or is it simply that Black women aren't your preference?

If you've approached or dated a Black woman before, I'd also love to hear about your experience.

Previous Attempts:

I've tried meeting Filipino men through Facebook Dating and have received quite a few matches, but it's hard to tell whether the interest is genuine or just curiosity. Rather than making assumptions, I thought I'd ask Filipino men directly and hear your honest perspectives.

Problem/Goal: 100 pesos everyday allowance for food and other expenses

Context: M19, 5'9 and 48 kilos. Hiwalay mom and dad ko. Sa tatay ko ako nakatira. May partner dad ko and dun sya umuuwi lagi sa partner nya so wala sya lagi sa bahay. Allergic pala ako sa itlog if that helps.

Dati nung 2021 to 2024 ang iniiwan sa amin ng sister ko na pera, 150 ang iniiwan sa amin, hati na kami dun and 80 pesos ang ulam sa kanto, dalwang pirasong karne ang nandoon and kulang pa un if lunch and dinner kami kakain. Pinapagalitan kami kapag de lata, frozen food, instant noodles ang binibili namin, nilelecture kami about sa mga kidney disease. Never din kami tinuruan magluto, maglinis ng bahay, mag-ayos ng sarili, gumamit ng deo and other hygiene stuff. Nagmukha lang akong malinis gawa ng people think na people with maputing skin ay malinis haha.

Then pinalayas yung ate ko nung 2024 pagkagraduate niya kasi di pinili ni ate yung tatay ko isama sa graduation, so I live alone na most of the time. then simula nun 100 na ang iniiwan sa akin na pera pag nasa bahay lang. Bumibili na lang ako ng de lata or frozen food, and piniprito ko na lang para mapagkasya pero pinapagalitan talaga ako. Hanggang sa umabot sa point na I developed anoxeric tendencies, I always felt fat and bloated kahit kunti lang kainin ko. Lagi ako nagfafast noon, umaabot ng 2 weeks fasting and doon ako nagkakaroon ng savings kasi di ko nagagastos yung budget for food.

This year, I'm trying my best to eat more para tumaba pero ang unti lang kasi ng pagkain na mabibili sa 100. I would rather not eat than eat few kasi I will end up wanting more. Inopen up ko na kay daddy na kulang talaga yung 100 for everyday pero sinasabihan niya lang ako na napakagastos ko at i-budget ko raw.

Sobrang unhealthy ng relationship ko sa pagkain because of this. Nagsusuka ako kahit champorado lang kainin ko. Nakakain pa rin naman ako nang marami pag may handaan sa mother's side ko. Pero grabe yung guilt ko after.

I don't think my mom needs to share para sa expenses. Dapat si dad ang mag-take ng full responsibility sa akin. 18 years kami inalagaan ng sibling ko, sibce older sya, 13 years lang ako, and sa laki ng time na yun ay ang laki na ng improve sana ng career niya, and yung mom ko kakasimula pa lang niya mag-work nung naghiwalay sila.

My dad earns around 700 to 2k per day, ave 800 pala if that helps.

Previous Attempts: I told my dad na kulang talaga pero sinabihan lang ako na magastos at i-budget ung pera. Sinasabi niya marami raw gastusin sa bahay and the usual rant ng mga magulang.

Problem/Goal: Na Off/ Naki pag hiwalay si BF after namin mag share ng kinks kahapon

Throw away account pala to kasi marami friends ko alam main reddit account ko

Context: Me (F24) and BF (29) magkasama kahapon and while chilling and kwentuhan napunta kami sa topics about kinks since fresh pa lang RS namin (going 4months na sana).

We did share naman and was honest sa previous experiences namin and body counts and tanggap ko naman at siya rin daw mga past namin

So eto na nga naabot kami sa kinks, i was the one initiated it as a sign of lambing also to explore more about us, soo ayun na kwento nya sakanya, outdoor,beach, forest livemaking etc² not so wild naman

Nung siya naman nag ask saakin, i honestly said na gusto ko maka pag try ng threesome or gangbang with 4 guys, since fantasy ko nga yun and i was being honest, he laughed at it naman and parang wala lang sakanya tho oarang he brushed it off lang like parang wala lang sa kanya soo nag move on yung topic to another one and until the night came and hinatid nya na ako pauwi.

Kanina umaga napansin ko na hindi na sha nag good morning message so ako na umuna, no replies so i ttied to call hindi sinagot, then nung nag hapon nag chat na sha, saying in short,

Hindi nya daw expect na ganun ang fantasies ko and nag iba daw paningin nya saakin, he is scared baka daw maulit yung nangyari sa past nya (3 exes cheated) and baka hindi ko daw ma control sarili ko if the opportunity comes (eto din na share ko sakanya before about my ONS na di ko na control) also he said na unfair daw sa part ko na hindi nya mabigay yung thing na gusto so it's better for me to find someone DAW na sasakay sa trip ko

I was shocked until now about it, i know pangit yung past ko and i was honest naman dun pero nag backfire ehh

Gusto and love ko talaga sha, i wanna fight pero di ko alam ano magagawa ko hirap kasi i defend, i hope my ma-advice kayo saakin please 🙏🙏

Previous Attempts: wala pa, i wanna hear thoughts from other people, i can't share with my friends din since close friends ko di nila alam hidden secrets ko.

Thanks in advance

Problem/Goal: Honestly, I don't really expect to have a girlfriend anymore. I'm used to being alone and I'm not actively looking anymore.

But then I met this girl. Funny, smart, and so beautiful. We just clicked so quickly. We both like trips, love arcades, coffee dates, museums, rides, and we just get vibes easily. Same goals in life.

After 2 weeks of getting to know each other, I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, and she happily said yes. She's the more clingy and touchy of the two of us, she always touches my ass 😂

Now, I'm just a little bit new because I've been single for so long. Hahaha.

Should we just continue what we're doing now? Any tips or advice for new relationships after being single for so long?

Problem/Goal: I (F23) and my BF (M27) is living together. For context yung jowa ko is my dalawang anak from 2 different baby mommy din. Which is not an issue to me at all even before we live together.

I handle almost 90% of our living expenses. Rent, grocery, electricity, water, wifi and even buying other stuff sa bahay. I am living paycheck to paycheck dahil sa handle ko lahat ng gastusin namin kasi nga iniintindi ko yung sitwasyon nya dahil may kailangan syang sustensuhan plus yung work nya is one of those motorcycle rider. Tumutulong lang sya sa gastusin sakin pag talagang sobrang piga na yung pera ko like zero out na talaga ako. Ever since ive been with him ive been living paycheck to paycheck.

He doesnt offer to split the bills and i dont have the guts to ask him kasi nga naiisip ko yung responsibilidad nya din as tatay. Im so tired of this set up and mag iisang taon pa lang kami. Nakakadrain sya financially and mentally kasi walang napupuntang pera sakin para sa sarili ko.

Ang compromise na inoffer nya sakin para malessen ang gastos namin is tumira kami sa bahay nila with his family. I dont have any issue with his family pero I dont like the set up kasi unang una gusto ko ng privacy and gusto ko makakilos ng walang iniisip and ako sa sarili ko kaya ko mabuhay ng hindi tumitira sa kanila. Ang gusto ko lang is sana tumulong sya.

We are happy and in a good relationship especially he help me a lot on my grieving process when i lost my mom. Kaya idk what to do.

Context: I even help him with his personal expenses for his child and other stuff

Previous attempt: None

Problem/Goal: trying to find out what steps to take next.

Context: hello po, incoming college student na po. my passion has always been teaching, studying, driving and cars po. currently im a stand in as a volunteer/non-volunteer tutor (naka depende sa program i join) and i currently have a shell project car.

TLDR: should i drop my Bachelor Science program and shift over to TESDA or should i stay?

anyways i did get accepted to the university i applied to, i received one of the highest marks and i plan to study masters and then PhD na agad pagtapos ng masters ko, i know i can make it. my course would be aligning with one of my passions in which teaching and studying.

pero with TESDA, i can express and dive deeper into my other hobby that i enjoy the most—working on things. my academic side only came with years of pressure from my parents but i just came to love it, my love for engines came from my own findings after i watched my tito disassemble an engine.

so im very torn in where to go. and im also aware of the plenty of romantic approaches i may get sa college, my crush goes to the same state u nga and if ever man our classes start i would see her more and more. pero with tesda mga trentahin at mga pamilyado sabay ko malamng respeto nalang haha.

Prev Att. :None🥹

Problem/Goal: Overthinking lang ba ako sa jowa ko or selfish lang ako na hindi ko narin ma explain

Context:

Sorry if ang gulo first time mag post sa reddit T-T

Im M(24) and my Girlfriend of 6 years (23) we recently just turned 6 years this month and recently I have been off lang talaga for the past few months or so.

I have been with her through ups and downs well for me I really don’t have problems in life naman since my family is toxic I just didn’t give a fuck about my family side that much anymore (anyways I digress)

Don’t get me wrong I really love my girlfriend i give her compliments, take her out on a date, spoils her basically do everything what a good boyfriend should do, but recently there’s this one thing in my head that’s been bothering me, di na kasi siya mejo touchy sakin unlike before and our sex life is also going downhill by the month and that’s been bothering me, like is she not sexually attracted to me anymore? Did she found someone new na mas attracted sakin or I don’t know, I work out a lot but hey if you offer me a cookie i’d eat it a type of guy.

Naguguluhan lang ako and I opened it up sakanya kahapon why are we not doing it as much as we used to and she said she doesn’t know why and dedma when i suggested to try winkbars (aphrodisiac brownies) I wanted to give it a spice manlang since first girlfriend ko siya I haven’t unlocked this chapter on my book so I dunno if nag ooverthink lang ako or maybe she is not sexually attracted to me anymore but she says she loves me naman and she’ll always support me kung anong gusto ko.

Ow and btw she works na pala and i completely understand if she is not in the mood all the time kasi pagod siya that’s why I always give her her favorite drink para manlang mawala stress niya and pagod niya. Im 24 and still studying because i took a gap year for 2 years so yes. Need help or advice since love ko siya but i just don’t know why she won’t do it with me anymore like she used to and she is not as touchy and clingy as before has she found another guy na or is this a ticking time bomb baka sawa na siya sakin or maybe selfish lang ako.

Hopefully di magulo story ko talon nalang ako pag di nyo naintindihan feel free to ask questions and help me be better and my relationship with my girlfriend. :)))

Problem/Goal: I left my disabled 89 year old grandma alone.

Context: I’m a 21 year old only child. My parents basically neglected me and left me with my grandmother when I was 14. Since then, I’ve been the one taking care of her while trying to finish school and build a life for myself.

The problem is that my grandmother has always been very controlling, critical, and manipulative. I’ve seen posts here about people cutting off toxic parents, and honestly, a lot of those stories remind me of my situation.

One example is when I introduced my boyfriend to her. Instead of being welcoming, she mocked him for being a street vendor. I was so embarrassed because I know how hardworking he is. He works honestly and does his best every day.

I do online selling and affiliate marketing and earn around ₱30,000 to ₱35,000 a month. I also pay the household bills. I never had a problem helping with her maintenance medicines, but she constantly demands more. She would interrupt my live selling sessions and tell me to cook and serve food whenever her friends came over to gamble at the house. She would even call my work "walang kwenta" and say it was useless.

This has been going on for years.

The final straw happened when my boyfriend and I cooked some meat from the fridge. I was the one who bought all the groceries, but she got angry and claimed everything in the fridge belonged to her and that we had no right to cook it.

That was when I finally snapped.

For context, she cannot really walk without assistance and uses a cane. I have been helping her with almost everything since I was 16. For the last seven years, I have felt like all she does is control me, criticize me, and treat me like an investment rather than a grandchild.

I am still in college and only have one year left before graduation. I have worked hard to support myself and continue my education. The truth is that I do not need her financially or practically. The only reason I stayed for so long was because I cared about her and knew she only had me.

Two weeks ago, after another argument, I told her I was tired of everything and left. We have not spoken since. She has not called, and I have not reached out either.

Huge part of me feels guilty because she is 89 years old and needs help. But another part of me feels like I have spent years sacrificing my own peace and happiness.

Problem/Goal: Hi everyone. I could really use some advice because I feel like I'm carrying a big financial decision for my family.

For context, I'm 22 years old. My mom is 50, and my dad is 53. My mom and I both work in BGC, while my dad works as a janitor in our hometown. We also don't own a house or any land.

A few weeks ago, I made an Excel sheet listing all of our family's income, expenses, and loans because I wanted to know where our money was going. I knew we had debt, but I didn't realize how much until I saw everything in one place.

Our total family debt is ₱180,624.58.

Most of the loans were taken out by my mom over the years. It wasn't because of one big purchase. It was a combination of emergencies, living paycheck to paycheck, and honestly, some impulse spending. My dad and I weren't aware that the debt had already reached this amount.

After seeing everything, I sat down with my parents and had a serious conversation. I told them we had to stop relying on loans and start paying off what we already owe. Thankfully, they agreed, and we're now trying to be more disciplined with our spending.

Here are our numbers:

Monthly income
Me: ₱38,000 net + ₱3,000 allowance
Mom: ₱33,000 net + ₱3,000 allowance
Dad: ₱16,000

Total monthly income: ₱93,000

Monthly expenses: ₱56,899

This already includes rent (house + dorm in Taguig), groceries, utilities, medicines, transportation/allowances, and other recurring expenses.

After expenses, we're left with around ₱36,101 every month.

Based on my computations, if we dedicate that remaining amount to debt repayment, we could finish paying everything in around 6-8 months.

Now here's where I'm conflicted.

My aunt recently offered to sell us her 100 sqm lot for ₱100,000 (₱1000/sqm). From what I know, that's significantly below market value. She's also willing to let us pay in installments, so I don't have to use my ₱90k emergency fund.

Part of me feels like this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity since we've never owned land before.
But another part of me thinks we should focus on becoming completely debt-free first before taking on another financial commitment, even if it's just an installment.

If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you secure the lot now while continuing to pay off the loans? Or would you ignore the opportunity for now and put every extra peso toward eliminating the debt first?

I'm open to any advice or criticism. I just want to make the best decision for my family's future.

Thank you to anyone who takes time to read this.

———————-
EDIT: Additional context about the lot

My aunt currently owns a 251 sqm property with a clean title. She's offering to sell 100 sqm to us because she wants to help us finally have land of our own where we can build our own house someday.

My other aunt also lives right beside the property, so I'm not too worried about the location or legitimacy of the lot. It's in a good area as well, close to hospitals, schools, markets, and other essentials.

I've been reading all of your comments, and I really appreciate everyone who's taking the time to share their advice and different perspectives. It's helping me think through this decision more objectively. Thank you so much.

Problem/Goal: Please help ano dapat kong gawin 🥲 Ginagawang buy and sell meet up place ang tapat ng bahay namin ng mga Dr\*g pusher at users.

Context: Nagsimula sya dito sa katapat na bahay namin (bahay ng friend ko) 3 lang sila sa bahay sya, yung nanay at yung bunso nila. Laging wala yung nanay dahil sa trabaho, yung friend ko naman ay bumukod na mula nung sinaksak sya nung bunso nila. Yung bunso ay may history na ng pag nanakaw at laging pinapatawag sa brgy. Nung teenager palang. Fast forward nitong January napapansin namin na kung sino sinong pumapasok sa bahay nila at tingin ko ginagawa syang dr\*g den at don sila nag pot session. Ngayon sobrang dami na napunta sa block namin na mga hindi talaga taga block namin. Ngayon namomroblema ako dahil magkatapat lang ang bahay namin lagi silang natambay sa harapan ng bahay lately nakikita kong nag rerepack, nag aabutan at nag bebentahan.

Attempt: Humingi na ko ng tulong sa block leader namin since katabing bahay lang namin sya at nag send na din ako ng mga vid kuha ng cctv namin. Sabi pag sabihan ko daw agad na wag na tumambay sa harap namin utos niya (malakas kasi ang kapit sa brgy. at kilalang kilala din sya sa brgy. Namin). Kaso andami padin nag lagay na din ako ng signage sa labas na bawal tumambay

Please help ano dapat ko gawin 🥲

Problem/Goal:

I can't decided kung ayain ko ng sex partner ko o mag masturbate nalang ako. I always feel preasured everytime we're intimate.

Context:

Alam ko ang sagot ng karamihan dito ay makipag-sex sa partner. Pero kasi ang gusto ko lang mag release at distress. Huwag niyo akong husgahan dahil mahal na mahal ko ang partner ko. Sa tuwing nag s-sex kami, I always make sure na mag enjoy siya at mag-cum. Pero minsan nakakapagod na bilang lalaki responsibility mo na kailangan mag enjoy at mag cum din partner mo before you or sabay kayo para hindi unfair sa partner mo at hindi ka ma-guilty.

I envy those men na they can have sex with their partner without worrying kung na ppleasure ba partner nila or mag cum din ba. I always feel preasured that everytime I have sex with my partner kailangan hindi lang ako sa pleasure ko mag focus, kailangan isipin ko rin yung sa kanya. Dahil dito madalas ako ang hindi makapag enjoy kasi yung utak ko ang daming kailangang isipin. And I have to always hold my cum kapag malapit na ako at siya hindi pa. It took me alot of masturbation to train myself para i-hold ang cum ng matagal or ilang beses just to make sure na hindi ako mauuna samin ng partner ko. Kaya minsan mas na i-enjoy ko pa ang mag masturbate nalang.

Ang sarap sa feeling na wala na akong ibang taong iisipin at hindi ako na ppreasure na i-enjoy yung sarili ko until makapag release ako, and that I don't always have to hold my cum na pwede ko siyang i-release anyime I feel like it.

I'm sure hindi lang ako nag nakakaramdam ng ganito. Adult women and men, what are your thought?

Problem/Goal: Pinag hihiwalay kami ni boyfriend because hindi kami same yoke, non-denominational evangelism church. And she's asking me na to find options WHILE in a relationship.

Context: Nasa puder pako nila, I have work but I also have school na ako gumagastos (It's a private uni so super mahal ng tuition, I'm not a scholar) pa graduate naman na ko.

LDR kami ni BF, he's from Cavite, bawal din kami mag date in private because baka daw may something sexual ganon na mangyari, madalang sya pumupunta dito sa bahay kasi super layo nga. It's been MONTHS since I've seen him.

Year prior, she told me na she wanted me to end up with a man with the same faith, same church. Then I met Vince (not his real name) He's a provider, heck, lahat ng sahod nya sakin derecho. Doesn't have any kind of bisyo, doesn't watch corn, respectful, and always refers our future with "we" not "me". Only thing is, he's from another denomination.

Then sinunod ni Vince yon, one month nagstay sya dito to get him evangelized, and it was successful. Nakita panga nung mentor nya na "He's fit to be a pastor". Before sya umuwi, binilinan sya na ituloy yung church nya sa Cavite. Pero super busy nya sa work, he can't allocate a time for church every Sunday, freelance kasi sya. So ang ginawa nya, nag online cuurch sya, sabi ni mom hindi daw sapat yun, dapat physically nandun sya sa church. Tapos need daw bago sya ulit makabalik samin, need nya mag Leadership Training program that we have in the church, it's an intensive training for up and coming youth leaders. Even I hindi kopa nagagawa yun kasi nga time constraining.

Nawalan ng gana si Vince, he thinks na he's being forced to do these things just to gain her approval of our relationship.

Nag iisolate din ako sa kwarto kasi I don't want to be asked if "ano naba status, nacchurch paba si Vince?" wala ako masagot.

Last week lang. Nagkausap yung youth mentor nya and yung mom ko, sabi ni youth mentor "wag mona papuntahin si Vince sainyo, maiiyak ako pag nagkatuluyan sila"

Eto namang si mom sagot nya sakanya, "Akala ko judgemental lang ako, tama pala confirmations ko, feeling ko may supressed emotions sya na baka sa kalaunan sakin ibubuhos" In a way na baka bugbogin nya ako or something.

NEVER did Vince hit me, sabi ko kasi sakanya na kahit once nyako paluin out of anger or magdabog hihiwalayan ko talaga sha. He never did show any violent nature.

ETO PA, dagdag ni youth leader, "ganda ganda ni Celine (not my real name) tapos mapupunta lang sya sa ganon?" Implying about his face being unnatractive. Tf?

Diba? Ang sudden?

Ngayon, nasa kwarto ako ngayon writing this. Nag chat kami kanina ni Vince, sinabi ko sakanya na ipaghihiwalay daw kami.

Sagot nya, "Ano tayo, bata? Anong pake nya sa relasyon natin?"

"Dadating din tayo sa point na yan, pero I have priorities pa, nagpapayaman pako para saatin"

Oh, another thing, sa bahay pala namin, nangungupahan lang kami ng fam ko. We have two apartments nandito ako sa 2nd unit and ang binabayaran kolang here is kuryente. Sagot nila food ko and upa.

Please please please. Need your kind words, I'm really not in a good mood. I would appreciate any comments here. Share your thoughts if this is okay, thank you for reading this.

I will share updates with you if something comes up.

Problem/Goal: me and husband is under maintenance medicine, sya for sugar, cholesterol and i believe kidney kasi ung sugar is nasa ihi na and sakin is for cholesterol. So we will have our next laboratory in the next 2 weeks but last night he went out while i am sleeping and nag inom with tropahan na kapitbahay.

This is not the first time it happened na pinag awayan namin but last night hit me hard kasi i reminded him magpapalab na tayo soon so if iinom sya parang useless.

So sabi ko once maubos ung medication hindi na ko bbli kasi sayang lang din naman and we will not have our laboratory and checkup with hmo naman pero ofcourse pamasahe and pagod wag nalang if ganun din na iinom sya.

Napuno na tlaga ako and now we are not talking and it seems like ako pa ung mali kasi oa daw reaction ko.

Bukas i am scheduled to buy medicine for 2 weeks kasi baka mag iba na medication namin check up.

I went here probably for validation, kasi ayoko tlagang bilhan sya pero deep inside ewan parang gusto na ewan.

Previous Attempt: i expressed my thoughts and feelings na ayokong nag iinom sya pero i get dismissed as being oa na reaction.

Problem/Goal: My bestfriend just admitted that shes been having an affair with her boss for 1yr and 7mos and shes now pregnant. Her boss is a married man with 2 kids. Hindi ko alam ano ang next step na dapat kong gawin or sabihin kasi bunga rin ako ng affair and shes fully aware of how i felt growing up as an illegitimate child.

Context: I know that my bestfriend is seeing someone pero madalas lang niya sinasabi is maniligaw palang. Never ko rin naman siya tinanong or kinulit na sino ba yung lalaking yun kasi matatanda na kami (35yrs old), and I know naman ipapakilala niya rin sakin kapag naging sila kasi thats how we are as friends. I have so much trust in her na wala naman siyang itatagong sikreto sakin. Pero hindi pala. Ngayon nagkita kami kasi may sasabihin siya and ayon nga inopen na niya sakin nabuntis siya ng boss niya and yan yung 'manliligaw' na sinasabi niya. Hindi pa raw alam ng boss niya na buntis siya pero nainlove raw siya sa boss niya kasi maalaga raw and nireregaluhan siya ng kung anu ano basta spoiled gf ang dating niya. Lagi rin daw nag oopen up yung boss niya na ang nagger daw ng wife niya and ang nakakapagbigay raw ng peace is yung bff ko. Marami pa siyang sinabi na reasons kung bakit niya ginawa yun pero parang na state of shock ako kasi maliban sa tinago niya ito sakin, alam na alam niya na naging kabit ang nanay ko at ang hirap hirap ng naging buhay ko. Alam niya ano naramdaman kong growing up na hindi kasama ang tatay ko. Alam niya rin kung pano ako ituring ng half sister ko na galit na galit sakin dahil ako raw ang rason bakit nasira ang pamilya nila. Anak ako ng isang kabit and i will never be proud of it. Alam na alam yan ng bestfriend ko pero ito siya ngayon, isang kabit at nagpabuntis pa. Nagwalk out ako sa catch up session namin kasi sobrang hindi ako naging ok. Ngayon nagtext siya sakin and nagsosorry siya and ano raw ba dapat niyang gawin. Ano ba dapat gawin ng isang kabit kasi alam kong sorry will never be enough. Mapapatawad pa ba ng mga tao ang mga kabit? or forever sila dapat magdusa hanggang kamatayan?

Previous attempts: none. hindi ko na alam.

PLEASE DON'T POST THIS IN OTHER APPS. PLEASE PO.

Problem/goal:
Hi! I'm a 27-year-old single mom, and I've been talking to this guy (37M). We've gone out twice so far. Honestly, he doesn't look his age at all. He's everything I would consider my standard, and he really connects with me emotionally. We have great conversations, and we seem to click in almost every way.
As a single mom, I'm not looking for someone to be a father to my child. My ex and I are on good terms, and we have a healthy co-parenting relationship. I'm open to being in a relationship again, but because of my failed relationship with my child's father, I've built a lot of emotional walls. That's why I keep wondering if this guy is being genuine with me.

One time, we were joking around, and I said, "Why don't you just make things official with me? Haha."

He replied:
"We'll get there, maybe. At my age, I want my next relationship to be the one, you know what I mean? That's why I want to take things slow and smooth. You're still young, and maybe there are still things you want to explore or someone else you might be looking for. I don't want to make you feel trapped. But I have to admit, you're special to me, and I like you."

To be honest, I'm scared of falling for him. I don't know if I should continue getting to know him or if I should start distancing myself before I become too emotionally attached.
Am I overthinking this because of my past, or do you think it's wise to be cautious?

Problem/Goal: I work at a firm, and there's a male coworker around my age who is already in a relationship. We're casual and comfortable with each other, and I've always treated him as a friend.

One night, another coworker invited us out for drinks as a group, but I didn't end up joining. A close workmate of mine did go, and later told me that this coworker kept insisting that he ask me to come. He also asked about my relationship status.
My workmate also told me that the group was joking and planning that if I showed up, I would have to sit beside him.

It never crossed my mind that he might be interested in me, so I was surprised when my workmate told me about all of this.
What do you guys think?

Problem/Goal: I am torn between getting myself employed or be self-employed.

Hello! So I am 22F soon to graduate, getting my degree online at UPOU (basically an online school), and currenly managing my minimart business (200k+ worth) that profits a maximum of 1500 per day.

However super draining na siya kasi mag isa ko lang siya pinapatakbo 15 hours per day. Naisipan ko atleast if employee lang ako, hindi masyadong malaki responsibilities ko. I tried hiring a helper pero ang kakati ng kamay, nananakawan ako so I decided going solo. Maraming nagsasabing sayang naman daw napundar ko and alam ko naman yun eh. My original goal naman talaga was finishing my degree and focus sa business full time after graduating. But rn I'm so burnout.

Need advice 😭

Problem/Goal:

First of all, I'm a 22 years old male and I smoke cigarettes, but I don't do it on my neighborhood.

I'm tired of hiding it and I felt cornered finding a good spot to smoke, so I let the world know that I am smoking now.

A few months back, someone I know saw me smoking in the streets and at first I hesitated, but I let her saw me take a hit. Immediately the next day, I took a picture of myself smoking and posted it on Instagram for everyone to see. I hate that it would spread by other people, so I did it myself.

Last night, I brought alcohol for me and my Dad to enjoy. They are rarely active in social media, even though I posted pictures they are completely clueless about it. (My siblings even saw it)

I told him I'll just go outside and get some air, and minutes after that, lo' and behold, he saw me and It felt to me like he was hurt that I am smoking.

Context:

My father was an Ex-smoker. I am proud of his progress, he was not smoking until now.

But back then, he will smoke even tho my siblings and I were there, he didn't care, my mom even told him to stop it while were inside. Years passed by and it's been so long that I completely forgot about it.

But I remembered that I despised him, told myself that I will never do that.

But here we are, when I finally realized and remembered, I thought to myself "Holy shit, I'm just like my Father." But I know for a fact that I'm better, I have rules, I have standards. Di ako nabili ng Tingi, per pack ako and d ako mag iismoke malapit sa mga bata, madalas pag mag isa lang ako sa isang lugar or dadayo pako sa mga park or grassy area para lang mag smoke. Binubulsa ko din ung mga Cigarette butts ko, iniipon ko sya.

I know he's concerned about me, and I appreciate him, he said "kapag hindi ka tumigil baka mag yosi nalang din ako" I was heartbroken.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko, Cigarettes help me be a better person. Even before hindi talaga ako mabait, basta basta ko sinasabi ung nasa isip ko pag may nakakainis na tao, pero pag nagyoyosi ako nakalma lahat, natahimik ung utak ko. Nakakausap ko lahat ng customers ng maayos and such, hindi nainit ulo ko agad compared sa dati na hindi pako nakaka try.

Further Questions:

I don't want my father to go back to Cigarettes, but I don't want to break up with my precious either.

I know it's bad for me, but I'm far more dangerous without something that calms me down. My ex left me months ago and It became my coping mechanism. Tuwing nakikita ko sya sa college, sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko, na parang na sheer heart attack ako (Queen lol). Cigarettes made it all disappear. Also mas nakafocus ako with it, medyo nag improve ung pagsulat ko ng poems and stuff.

What should I do? Should I buy Zyn?

Kase sabi nya Cigarettes eh, eh hindi yon lol

Masunurin ako, to the point na minsan inaabuso ako ng mga tao, that's why I chose to be alone and not have friends.

I'm sad about this, and my freedom was farther than I anticipated.

Thanks for reading.

Problem/goal: Hi! I want to do something I’ve never done before on my birthday. Not sure if this is the right sub though…

Pero gusto ko lang po magtanong kung may recommendations po kayo ng solo activities I can do for my birthday? Around Metro Manila lang po sana kasi it's my birthday in a few days at sakto naman na day off ko kaya naisip ko why not gumala? Haha. Tsaka na-inspire din ako ng mga nagpo-post sa SoloActivitiesPH na sub.

I'm pretty introverted myself kaya 10/10 mae-enjoy ko yung alone time na ito. Salamat po! 🙂

Previous attempts: None

Problem/Goal: I've been seeing this girl for 21 days straight. Same spot, same time.

Hello! Sorry for late update. I'm the one who posted the about the girl na nakakasalubong ko for 2 weeks straight. Here's the story 👇👇👇

Context: Binasa ko lahat ng comments nyo and lakas loob ko sya inapproach ng unti unti. So Monday came, around 7:10am nakasalubong ko ulit sya. I just nod, and she nods back to. Tuesday, pagka nod ko sinabayan ko ng fist bump pag cross namin. Trying to be a cool guy here, not a creep one. Kumbaga maging comfy muna ang situation and introduce myself as bro. Wednesday, nod fist bump and i asked her "kumusta" and she replied the same na parang matagal na kami magkakilala hahaha. Thursday came, same location nagkasalubong kami. We had a small talk. I asked her saan sya nagwowork and what's her job. I will not put into details. We both love cats because i picked up an orange cat roaming around. I dont want to make it weird so after minute of chit-chat, nagpaalam na ko. Friday came. Nagkasalubong ulit kami, and we sat down. There we talked about ourselves. Pareho kaming kakasimula lang magwork. Kwentuhan about work lang, then napunta sa current na pinagkakaabalahan at goals. Then we exchanged instagram. So far hanggang dun pa lang. I want to date her tbh pero di ko alam paano sisimulan kasi parang maaga pa.

Nasa comsec yung link ng part one