Why do I feel so alone in a relationship with someone I love?
Need some honest advice because right now I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if my concerns are valid.
I've been with my girlfriend for around 2 years and I love her a lot. This is not a case where I don't care about her anymore. The problem is that I feel emotionally exhausted.
One of the biggest issues is her health. She was overweight when we started dating and honestly I never made a big deal out of it. But later she got diagnosed with diabetes. Since then I've been worried about her future health. Not because of looks, but because I want us to have a healthy future together.
The problem is she keeps making promises. She'll say she'll start walking daily, take her health seriously, be more disciplined etc. Then she'll walk for one day and skip the next 5-6 days. This has been happening for a long time. I've tried motivating her, walking with her, encouraging her, explaining my concerns calmly, but nothing stays consistent. At some point it stops feeling like a health issue and starts feeling like my concerns don't matter.
The second issue is arguments. I've told her many times that shouting is something I cannot tolerate. When she's angry her voice goes up and despite multiple conversations it keeps happening.
I've also told her exactly what I need during conflicts. I literally wrote her a Valentine's letter saying if we're fighting, just hug me, sit with me, reassure me, don't leave me alone. Once I cool down we can talk normally. Instead, whenever things get difficult, she tends to withdraw or leave the situation. I end up sitting alone feeling miserable, overthinking everything and wondering how the person I love can just walk away when I'm clearly hurting.
Recently I sent her a long message explaining how I feel taken for granted, how repeated broken promises have affected me, and how I feel like I'm the only one seriously thinking about our future. I wasn't abusive or insulting. I was hurt but I was trying to communicate honestly.
Her response was an apology and saying she'll try, but she also said she wants to spend her birthday alone. That hit me very hard because for the last 2 weeks I had been thinking about her birthday, what to do for her, how to make her feel special, etc.
The truth is I know I'm very attached to her. I think she also knows that no matter how upset I get, I usually come back. That's the part making me hate myself lately. Sometimes I feel like I've lost credibility in my own words because even after reaching my limit, I stay.
So I want honest opinions:
Am I wrong for being concerned about my partner's health after a diabetes diagnosis?
Is it unreasonable to expect a partner to stay and work through conflicts instead of leaving?
Am I trying too hard to change someone who doesn't want to change?
Or am I expecting too much from a relationship?
Please be brutally honest. I can take criticism if I'm wrong