AITAH for not liking my sisters wife?
My wife and I have been together for 8 years, and from the very beginning I’ve had problems with her sister. She’s two years younger and has always treated my wife like her personal assistant. My wife had to cook for her, drive her everywhere, and constantly adapt to whatever she wanted. If she wanted something, everyone had to follow along. She couldn’t stay home alone at 20 years old causing my wife to miss birthday parties and friend group holidays, constantly checked where my wife was calling her constantly asking when she’d be back, and if she didn’t get her way she would cry, scream, slam doors, or break things.
She behaves the same way toward her parents. At the same time, my wife seems to accept a lot of this behavior and says it doesn’t really bother her. For me, though, it has always been extremely exhausting. There were even times when I considered ending the relationship because it felt less like dating a partner and more like taking on responsibility for someone else’s child.
Things improved a bit after we moved to another city, but whenever her sister visits us, all the frustration immediately comes back. She leaves her things everywhere, expects everyone to follow her plans, but refuses to do any research herself and then rejects everyone else’s suggestions. During her last visit, I eventually just stayed in my room because I genuinely didn’t know how else to handle it. It felt childish, but also like the only option. I work from home.
I’ve talked to my wife about this many times over the years. She always says she’ll talk to her sister or parents, but nothing really changes. Her sister still calls her multiple times a day. Whenever I’ve tried addressing things directly, it usually ended in screaming.
At this point I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m too sensitive or too protective of my wife. I never had siblings, so maybe there’s some dynamic I just don’t understand. But at the same time, the whole situation has become emotionally exhausting for me, especially during visits or holidays.