u/AffectionateRange136

Ok so before I talk about what I came here to do, I kind of want to inform the readers of this post that this is going to be based on how to (maybe) end or save a friendship. I'm not sure what to label this post (sorry), so it might come off as a rant a little bit. Please ignore the pacing, organizing, grammer, and spelling mistakes-I wrote this at 3am and Im just freewriting without going back.
I'm going to label the friends as Book, Pen, and Marker so its not as confusing.

Basically me and my friend(s) are having a fallout because of something 'petty'? (Well at least in my opinion it is something petty).
A few days ago after last period (PE), Pen was talking with our friends that they had got denied access to a program in our school, and I wanted to butt into the conversation because I was just so energized after PE. I said something along the lines of "yeah I kind of figured since the program requires a good grade to get accpeted on, and I mean like straight As which you dont have." (looking back at it, I really wish I couldve just stayed quiet there). After I said that, the friends around kind of just laughed it off. Small little break from the story but, my friendgroup is really brutal with words, well, at least with me since they alwasy leave rude remarks or jokes about my looks, habitis, or personality in front of me.

So, after I got home, I was kind of just chilling on my bed when I got a phone call from Book. (The call was just a noticification thing to make me respond to their dms quicker since my notifications were jammed). I then got to dms, assuming that they wanted to like talk about a thing I wanted to talk to her about (just some school people doing weird activities that I couldnt discuss in school), but instead, they hit me with an "Idc" or "That's straight up rude". AND MIND YOU, THIS IS THE SAME GIRL WHO MAKES A LIVING OUT OF MOCKING ME AND MAKING FUN OF MY LOOKS AND STUFF. ALSO THE SAME GIRL WHO WOULD PURPOSLY LEAVE ME OUT AN TALK BEHIND MY BACK WHILE IM LOOKING AS A 'JOKE' AND THEN RUNNIGN AWAY WHEN I WALKED UP TO THEM AND WANTED TO CONFRONT THEM ABOUT IT.

she then sent this into chat/dms:

"u have no place saying that"
"actually insane."
"I cant believe u bro"

after a while of me and her "fighitng", I kind of just fell asleep because I was sleep deprived at that point because I didnt sleep the night before for homework reasons "final math exam + grades are closing soon bc the school year is coming to a close"

i like dont know. I know what i said was wrong but its insanly small compared to what they say DAILY to me. Also about Pen - they also fall under the same line as Book when it comes to insulting me. And if it helps more to visulize, Pen is one of those wannabe 'abg' with the rude personalities.
Also I forgot to mention but they always send these ugly clips of me in chat like every sec when its not even the topic. I tell them to stop and they tell me to "chill out, its not a big deal." As if I'm not judged by them constantly about my looks enough.

When its the next day during school, I've figured that both Book and Pen were ignoring me becuase Pen always asks waht my schedule is and Book always sits in this one lunchtable with me, but as you can probably tell, Pen didnt ask and Book didnt seat themselves at the usual lunchtable. I kind of just talked to Marker the whole time which made me realize that Marker was a genuine great friend and im so stupid for nto realizing beforehand.

I don't relly know how to explain this part, but this is how the messages went:

Book: "Im like not tryna scold u but i just wanna let u know that making fun of their grades is not like idk. I wont make remarks and u can lmk if i do but otherwise this is just annoying"

Me: "ok so first of all, yes, you are scolding me. Second, I meant it as a small joke and its kind of friendly fire too. now i know what i did was wrong and im sorry, but that genuinely does not give you the right to be all moody and ruin my day. I never even meant for my remark to be rude."

Book: "It genuinely concerns me that this is your apology. Why are you even victimizing yourself? This is so ironic and you literally are JOKING in your own apology. If that was a joke and we are made at YOU then you should've apologized when I, MYSELF, talked to you.

If you genuinely cared you would've apologized WITHOUT victimizing, being submissive, and just trying to justify yourself. This does give me a right to talk to you. I was not moody.

Yes we strongly reacted, and yes we did give ourselves space from you. But the way you dealt with it as well, sharing your perspective of us overreacting was just insane. Like yes, I explained the story to some people but saying you're glad they didn't get into [program] was just ridiculous.

You are NOT the victim. You do NOT get to say something so ignorant and expect it to be taken as a real apology.

Because I feel that yes we did something wrong, if you got to this point this is my apology. I take full accountability for taking it too far and only felt to justify us. However, I will continue to space myself due to the lack of empathy from you.

I will not take your apology. I'm not even the one who needs the apology. I want you to get as much time as you want. Once you do, go up to [Pen] and apologize for what you said. And I do NOT want or need any justification. Take accountability and apologize. Not because i told you to, but because you truly feel sorry.

Congrats if you made it this far. It seems stupid that we are taking this far but it seems necessary. Just know that I will be the bigger person and I do understand what you feel like. I'm sorry if we hurt you in any way.

[Pen] does not about this msg. Apologize in PERSON. I will talk to you in person if [Pen] lets me know.

I guess this is dramatic but here's my last message. enjoy! and gl"

Well yes, I do admit that I made a horrible apology and i took light of the moment, I dont know if I was victumizing myself. I did say something about "moody and ruin my day", and yes, I do regret saying that, but as again, I hate arguments and I also suck at arguments. (I just be saying wtv on my mind).

I dont know. In general, I suck at words and I always try to dodge arguments because of this.
This is also the same reason why I never try to make a huge deal out of any rude remark Pen or Book gives me. I just dont want to risk an aruguemtn occuring and a fallout.
I ALWAYS lose arguemtns because of my poor word choice and I most likley say whatevers at the top of my mind.
This is the first time im asking for help, and please, help.
I despretely need help on choosing what to saying next, how I should react, etc.
I just reeally wnat to stop being friends with them. im so sick and tired of the "double standarding" and insanely rude remarks about my looks.

Thanks for coming this far. Sorry about how long this post it.