Help! My best friend is ghosting me :-(
I (39F) am unsure what to do… one of my best friends (40sF) has been different the past 6-8 months. We have known each other for 10+ years and she is one of the most caring people I know. She is also one of only two good long-term friend I have. We got a closer over the last few years. I noticed her slowly showing signs of depression and she had a lot of stress in her job and personal relationships but she always seemed to bounce back.
For about the last 6-8 months she has slowly been pulling away from me. I saw her briefly in March and before that it was early Dec. I’ve reached out over and over inviting her to do various things but she always declines saying she has something else planned. When she was at least responding to text she would give little signs of depression, saying she is so tired after work and on the weekends she doesn’t want to leave her bed and has to force herself out of the house. I went to drop something off to her a few months back and straight up asked her if she was mad at me. I have my own abandonment issues and social anxiety where I can over analyze things (which is what I fear I am doing now). But she said “it’s not you it’s me” and I said ok well I’m here for you when you’re ready. Again, small statements that concern me, like “I’m not a good person, I don’t know why you think I am”. She is a good person, one of the most sweetest kindest people I know. That’s what makes this so concerning, this behavior is completely out of character for her and seemingly out of nowhere as we didn’t get into a fight.
After trying again and getting declined by her again, I finally told her that her pushing me away was starting to hurt and saying I was worried about her etc…. It’s been days and NOTHING, no response. I’m devastated! Cried five times yesterday and could barely sleep last night. But I’m not sure what to do. It’s like two sides of my brain are at war… one side saying this isn’t about you, stop making it about you. The other side is worried about her and saying what if she is depressed and needs your help I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to her.
Again this is out of character for her. A long time friend of hers did this to her and she cried on my shoulder the way I am crying now so I can’t fathom that she would do the same to me knowing how much it hurt her. Then I cycle back to it’s not about me! Ugh sorry if this sounds scattered, that’s how my internal monologue is right now. Some people have said to force my way in and go over to her house but something just doesn’t feel right about doing that. Do I just do nothing and give her space? Or I’ve thought about reaching out to her one of her adult children that I’ve known for quite some time to make sure that she’s OK. Is that weird? Is that a stalker level of concern? Lol. I don’t know if that’s crossing a line, it’s not really her children’s responsibility or business to know about or fix our friendship. I just really need some advice! Thank you!