bully boyfriend 16M 16 F
i just genuinely wanted to rant here since i gen have no friends other than my one friend and my boyfriend and i just want to pour out everything ive been feeling bc ive been scared to tell either of them.
Today me and my boyfriends decided to play valorant and when my aim was genuinely ass he gen just didnt say " keep going, u got this" or any encouragement. I feel like evrytime i play with him (im a lvl 26 player and hes level 339) i always just get shitted on. this is genuinely the first time i played this game and still getting used to the mechanics, i try my best to impress him when we game but nothing ever seems to be enough. I feel so drained queuing with him in unrated cus all i get are no, not words of affirmation or encouragement but foul comments and bullying.
The worst part is his anger issues. If i say something or does someting he doesnt like he straight up ignores me, but when i try expressing what i dont like he treats me as if its a joke. I want to go so bad but before this relationship we were best friends for 3 years which hurts the most. How could my own boyfriend treat me as if im disposable? Am i that forgettable?
Anyway, after that unrated game or rather during it, i got so discouraged that i tried my hardest but still, no kills. The other team was so good too, i got so nervous shooting that it led me to bottom frag still w 0 kills. I feel as if im such an embarrasment to my bf. He even goes on to say im weak in not just the team chat but to everyone, even people on the enemy team. that made my heart ache so much to the point i questioned myself if im even worth it to love anymore as a gf, i started relapsing during the game. I hate myself so much. I need to leave but i ccant find a way how, every day i pray for him to change, to be sweeter but he doesnt.