I think I left one narcissist for another.
So I only recently heard the term "clingy narcissist", and I'm pretty sure I have one. I left a violent abusive ex, and moved halfway across the country to be with this man. On paper he seems perfect. He has his own place, he's held a job for a long time, he has kids, his friends think highly of him. He's divorced, his ex cheated.
Side note, it's important when getting into a new relationship, that when that person starts shit talking their ex, that you get the other side of the story too. Always ask WHY. yeah she cheated, but WHY? why was she unhappy?
So I move here and it's rough for me from the start. He said all I had to do was move and he'd take care of me 🙄. I don't like being taken care of. I want to be self sufficient, mostly because I have wonderful taste in men, and need to be able to support myself. I'm autistic, and conventional jobs aren't working out anymore. I try. I really do. I just can't conform the way I used to. No matter where I work lately I am absolutely miserable. So I had started door dashing. I really like it, and I'm not answering to anyone, so I think I've found something for the foreseeable future. Or so I thought.
I got into an accident one night doordashing, and fucked up the car. Nothing too bad. That was last fall. The car is still broken. Meanwhile the whole time, I've been having to deal with him being a complete tightwad because he's "saving to fix the car". Or so he says. According to him, the car isn't fixed because of financial reasons and he's been saving up to fix it. Well he's been "saving" for months. No phone calls to shops to price repairs and parts, nothing. Meanwhile he's fine. Yes getting rides to work everyday. I'm having to take the bus or ubers to job interviews. I found a job and struggled with it til I couldn't anymore and I left it. In that time I'd received a settlement, so now I can help pay for repairs. What's the plan?
He's not a big talker so we don't really discuss the car at all. I'm tired of waiting around for him, and I order the part. While I'm waiting on the part, I find out that he's had multiple offers for help repairing the car, for months now. His mom even offered him money to fix it.
The whole time there was multiple solutions. I'm clearly visibly struggling,and miserable,and there was a solution the whole time, and he just ignored it.
I'm sure to everyone on the outside, I look like a loser who can't keep a job, but I am willing to work. The whole time him saying he was saving up and soon he's get the car fixed, and it's all just the money. So when my settlement came, I ordered the part. The $40 part. It wasn't about the money..
I feel like I've been basically held hostage. If the car doesn't get fixed, then I'm not working and I can't become independent and self sufficient, if I can't get the car fixed. So I'm continually reliant on him, and he'll continue to be the good guy, who is paying for everything and is just too busy to get the car fixed.
There's other things too. Me and my were both without a phone. We kind of need them to even find jobs, and I don't think it's to much to ask from someone who promised he'd take care of me. He said he would as soon as he got the car fixed. 🙄 So I was supposed to go without a form of communication? Seems like isolation to me. My son still doesn't have a phone and I barely keep mine on..
I spent my entire settlement on back bills and stuff for the house. And the stuff to fix the car..I don't even have enough to leave with if I could. I just feel like he's been very financially abusive. I feel like he's trying to isolate me and take away my independence, all while pretending to be a good guy, because he's paying for everything after all. I should be more grateful.
Sorry I know this is a bunch of random gibberish. I've been with him a year now, and I started getting this feeling a few months in. Now I'm stuck halfway across the country, with no family or support system and I think that's exactly how he wanted it. He just wanted someone he could come home and fuck, that would cook and clean and bow down to him, and I'm not that person . Never did I think he's leave his car broken for over half a year, as a way to control me, but I think he did..he's one of those people where if it doesn't bother him, he will never see to it. So since he's got transportation to and from work, and I make it work getting the groceries delivered, so there's no real need for HIM to fix the car.
Normally if gaslight myself and think it's just me, but his attitude got different when I started working on the car. That car is currently my only way out. I need his car to work to save to get one myself.
I can't believe I fell for this again, but I thought that because he wasn't violent,he was great. I'm starting to see why is ex was unhappy...