Is this polyamory or just monogamy with managed exceptions?
Hi everyone,
I’ve been poly for 9 years myself and honestly I’ve never encountered a dynamic quite like this before, which is why I’m curious how other people here would interpret it.
A friend of mine started dating a girl who already had a nesting partner (NP).
Already in the beginning issues already started to surface because the NP apparently became uncomfortable with the new connection and wanted to do this whole “vessel repair/protection” thing. From the outside, it honestly already gave me the feeling that the NP was extremely emotionally unstable and that this would probably continue creating problems later on.
And that’s exactly what happened…
As the connection between my friend and this girl progressed, the whole dynamic started to feel very controlled by the NP’s emotional reactions.
Suddenly there were restrictions around communication, emotional closeness and spontaneity. Things that normally feel natural in a relationship suddenly felt weirdly complicated. Calls apparently depended on whether the NP was around. Meeting at the girl’s home were prohibited.
The deeper the connection became, the more controlling the whole thing started to feel.
So every time insecurity appeared, the outside relationship suddenly had to emotionally shrink.
Like the outside relationship was only acceptable as long as it stayed “safe”.
So I’m genuinely curious what other people think:
-Is this actually polyamory or just monogamy with managed exceptions?
-And where is the line between healthy boundaries and emotional control in situations like this?
(To me the NP comes across as very controlling, territorial, insecure and self-centered. It seems like she is supervising the relationship in the background the entire time instead of allowing her partner to have an independent relationship the same way she herself does.
The contradictory part is that the NP herself has another relationship and apparently was even the person who introduced the idea of polyamory. Yet she still seems unable to emotionally tolerate her partner forming a deeper connection with someone else.)
I honestly feel very bad for my friend and her, as they really had a good connection, which I feel was sabotaged by the girls NP…