A big burden lifted. Finally told my boss about my agoraphobia kinda
I work at a very small company. No HR or disability services or anything like that. My agoraphobia occasionally affects my job, like when i need to visit other companys or drive to clients houses. 98% of the time I'm just at my desk and able to do my work just fine. I was told I was being sent on a trip to Europe for a large conference, it was all very last minute. I've been on two small out of state work trips, It was very hard for me but i managed. This is too much for me. I can only handle large travel if im with my family. Fancy work dinners, public transport, language barrier, I know this is something I am not ready for no matter how much I have improved from being practically house bound as a teenager.
My boss is old fashioned and I wasn't sure how this conversation would go, I have been stressed for days on how to tell him this. But i did it, I was shaking but I managed to not cry or be too emotional, I thanked him for the opportunity and expressed that I didn't want to seem ungrateful and that I dont want to act in a way that would embarrass the company. I gave solutions on how I can be an asset from here. He was extremely receptive and kind. I didn't explain agorapohbia, he's older and a macho type so mental health probably isn't something he would understand completely but I explained that I have an anxiety disorder.
I feel more free. I can breathe again. Rn I have a headache from stress and adrenaline. But I'm going to treat myself to a beer and a movie when I get home tonight. I know this isn't the "I was scared but still went on the trip" kind of win, but rn I know my limitations and know what I can handle at the moment. I'm going to focus on getting better and hopefully going on the trip next year. Cheers