u/After_Canary6047

I don't even know where to start. I'm 50 years old, sitting in my RV at an rv park, and I just blew up my entire life. Or maybe I finally saved it, honestly can't tell yet.

I met my wife online. She was in a different country and I actually flew there just to see who she was. I just wanted to know if she was real. She seemed real. Warm. Loving. She also has two kiddos, ages 4 and 7 back then. I fell for it completely.

Then came a sob story about being evicted as her ex was no longer paying the rent and she couldn’t afford it on her salary. Long story short I filed a K1 visa and brought her to America. From the very first night here she threatened to call the police on me over nothing. I told myself it was the stress of a new country. I made excuses for years.

Eight years now I am carrying everything alone. Every bill. Every mortgage payment. A house she demanded that I couldn't afford. Her two kids that she had abandoned in her country when she moved here, I helped bring them over too. I even paid for her ex-boyfriend to join us on vacation in Cancun for three weeks and had to sleep next to the guy. I paid for all of it. Because that’s what she asked of me.

She enrolled in nursing school three years ago without telling me. Didn't discuss it. Just signed up. That one decision destroyed my business, my finances, my credit, and honestly my will to function. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since because I've been carrying a sinking ship alone while she went to class. Worse than that, it’s like she has blinders on completely and the absolute and only thing she cares about is school and nursing. I mean 24/7 at the expense of everyone including the kids.

And through all of this, she is constantly screaming and yelling at everyone in the house, the kids, me, anyone in her path. The gaslighting that made me question my own sanity for years. The complete and total refusal to ever take accountability for anything. Not once. Not one single conversation in 8 years where she acknowledged being wrong about anything.

Every conflict somehow ended with it being my fault or deflected entirely. I genuinely cannot recall one moment of genuine accountability in nearly a decade. If I brought up a concern it was twisted, minimized, or turned back on me within minutes. I stopped bringing things up because it was pointless.

In January, she had me falsely arrested after she is the one that hit me. I had photos and thankfully my attorney got it dismissed. I later found court documents showing she had been involved with nefarious activities in her country before she ever met me online. She had actually told me the story herself once. When I confronted her with the documents she denied everything, even while looking at the actual court docs.

The final straw was her 14 year old daughter being sexually assaulted. My wife tried to cover it up because she was worried about her image as a mother. I called the police myself and took her for a rape kit. Three weeks later my wife was allowing the same dangerous behavior again like nothing happened. I packed my bags that night and left while she was asleep.

That was Mother's Day. I slept in a ball in the front seat of my truck.

This past week has been one of the most surreal experiences of my life. She went to a buffet on Mother's Day. Laughed on camera. Sent me a text with a nursing school award. Then when the reality started hitting and the love bombing started, including false accusations that I was cheating and that’s why I left.

Back in January after the false arrest, she promised therapy and never went. She had a 15 minute therapy intro call and immediately used it as a bargaining chip to try and get me to come home without even attending therapy.

I spent this weekend with my 4 year old son and my 12 year old stepson. We swam, went to the arcade, cooked together, laughed. When I dropped them off Monday morning my son and stepson didn't even want to go inside the house. My 4 year old didn't even want to hug his mother.

I'm exhausted. I'm broke. I'm heartbroken. I loved this woman and I gave everything I had for 8 years hoping she would become the partner I needed. She never did. She never was going to.

What kills me most isn't the financial devastation or even the false arrest. It's that I genuinely loved her kids. I took my stepdaughter for a rape kit when her own mother wouldn't protect her. Never even got a thank you. Not once in 8 years did I feel truly seen or valued.

This past week has been a rollercoaster of manipulation, love bombing, false cheating accusations, victim playing, gaslighting, lies, and performance after performance. I'm exhausted, broke, and heartbroken. I have tried everything imaginable to get her to understand why I left and simply does care. The only thing she cares about is who is going to drop off and pickup our son at daycare so she can see to her nursing. That’s literally it.

My questions for anyone who's been through this:

Did your partner ever genuinely change or was it always performance?

How long did it take before you stopped feeling responsible for their wellbeing?

For those with kids involved, how did you navigate co-parenting with someone like this?

And for anyone who rebuilt their life financially and emotionally after something like this, how did you start?

I always try my best to be a good man. I believe in doing right by people. I don't know how to reconcile being that person with the fact that I gave everything to someone who was running a calculated manipulation strategy from the moment she met me online.

Thanks in advance for your time. 

I don't even know where to start. I'm 50 years old, sitting in my RV at an rv park, and I just blew up my entire life. Or maybe I finally saved it, honestly can't tell yet.

I met my wife online. She was in a different country and I actually flew there just to see who she was. I just wanted to know if she was real. She seemed real. Warm. Loving. She also has two kiddos, ages 4 and 7 back then. I fell for it completely.

Then came a sob story about being evicted as her ex was no longer paying the rent and she couldn’t afford it on her salary. Long story short I filed a K1 visa and brought her to America. From the very first night here she threatened to call the police on me over nothing. I told myself it was the stress of a new country. I made excuses for years.

Eight years now I am carrying everything alone. Every bill. Every mortgage payment. A house she demanded that I couldn't afford. Her two kids that she had abandoned in her country when she moved here, I helped bring them over too. I even paid for her ex-boyfriend to join us on vacation in Cancun for three weeks and had to sleep next to the guy. I paid for all of it. Because that’s what she asked of me.

She enrolled in nursing school three years ago without telling me. Didn't discuss it. Just signed up. That one decision destroyed my business, my finances, my credit, and honestly my will to function. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since because I've been carrying a sinking ship alone while she went to class. Worse than that, it’s like she has blinders on completely and the absolute and only thing she cares about is school and nursing. I mean 24/7 at the expense of everyone including the kids.

And through all of this, she is constantly screaming and yelling at everyone in the house, the kids, me, anyone in her path. The gaslighting that made me question my own sanity for years. The complete and total refusal to ever take accountability for anything. Not once. Not one single conversation in 8 years where she acknowledged being wrong about anything.

Every conflict somehow ended with it being my fault or deflected entirely. I genuinely cannot recall one moment of genuine accountability in nearly a decade. If I brought up a concern it was twisted, minimized, or turned back on me within minutes. I stopped bringing things up because it was pointless.

In January, she had me falsely arrested after she is the one that hit me. I had photos and thankfully my attorney got it dismissed. I later found court documents showing she had been involved with nefarious activities in her country before she ever met me online. She had actually told me the story herself once. When I confronted her with the documents she denied everything, even while looking at the actual court docs.

The final straw was her 14 year old daughter being sexually assaulted. My wife tried to cover it up because she was worried about her image as a mother. I called the police myself and took her for a rape kit. Three weeks later my wife was allowing the same dangerous behavior again like nothing happened. I packed my bags that night and left while she was asleep.

That was Mother's Day. I slept in a ball in the front seat of my truck.

This past week has been one of the most surreal experiences of my life. She went to a buffet on Mother's Day. Laughed on camera. Sent me a text with a nursing school award. Then when the reality started hitting and the love bombing started, including false accusations that I was cheating and that’s why I left.

Back in January after the false arrest, she promised therapy and never went. She had a 15 minute therapy intro call and immediately used it as a bargaining chip to try and get me to come home without even attending therapy.

I spent this weekend with my 4 year old son and my 12 year old stepson. We swam, went to the arcade, cooked together, laughed. When I dropped them off Monday morning my son and stepson didn't even want to go inside the house. My 4 year old didn't even want to hug his mother.

I'm exhausted. I'm broke. I'm heartbroken. I loved this woman and I gave everything I had for 8 years hoping she would become the partner I needed. She never did. She never was going to.

What kills me most isn't the financial devastation or even the false arrest. It's that I genuinely loved her kids. I took my stepdaughter for a rape kit when her own mother wouldn't protect her. Never even got a thank you. Not once in 8 years did I feel truly seen or valued.

This past week has been a rollercoaster of manipulation, love bombing, false cheating accusations, victim playing, gaslighting, lies, and performance after performance. I'm exhausted, broke, and heartbroken. I have tried everything imaginable to get her to understand why I left and simply does care. The only thing she cares about is who is going to drop off and pickup our son at daycare so she can see to her nursing. That’s literally it.

My questions for anyone who's been through this:

Did your partner ever genuinely change or was it always performance?

How long did it take before you stopped feeling responsible for their wellbeing?

For those with kids involved, how did you navigate co-parenting with someone like this?

And for anyone who rebuilt their life financially and emotionally after something like this, how did you start?

I always try my best to be a good man. I believe in doing right by people. I don't know how to reconcile being that person with the fact that I gave everything to someone who was running a calculated manipulation strategy from the moment she met me online.

Thanks in advance for your time. 

I don't even know where to start. I'm 50 years old, sitting in my RV at an rv park, and I just blew up my entire life. Or maybe I finally saved it, honestly can't tell yet.

I met my wife online. She was in a different country and I actually flew there just to see who she was. I just wanted to know if she was real. She seemed real. Warm. Loving. She also has two kiddos, ages 4 and 7 back then. I fell for it completely.

Then came a sob story about being evicted as her ex was no longer paying the rent and she couldn’t afford it on her salary. Long story short I filed a K1 visa and brought her to America. From the very first night here she threatened to call the police on me over nothing. I told myself it was the stress of a new country. I made excuses for years.

Eight years now I am carrying everything alone. Every bill. Every mortgage payment. A house she demanded that I couldn't afford. Her two kids that she had abandoned in her country when she moved here, I helped bring them over too. I even paid for her ex-boyfriend to join us on vacation in Cancun for three weeks and had to sleep next to the guy. I paid for all of it. Because that’s what she asked of me.

She enrolled in nursing school three years ago without telling me. Didn't discuss it. Just signed up. That one decision destroyed my business, my finances, my credit, and honestly my will to function. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since because I've been carrying a sinking ship alone while she went to class. Worse than that, it’s like she has blinders on completely and the absolute and only thing she cares about is school and nursing. I mean 24/7 at the expense of everyone including the kids.

And through all of this, she is constantly screaming and yelling at everyone in the house, the kids, me, anyone in her path. The gaslighting that made me question my own sanity for years. The complete and total refusal to ever take accountability for anything. Not once. Not one single conversation in 8 years where she acknowledged being wrong about anything.

Every conflict somehow ended with it being my fault or deflected entirely. I genuinely cannot recall one moment of genuine accountability in nearly a decade. If I brought up a concern it was twisted, minimized, or turned back on me within minutes. I stopped bringing things up because it was pointless.

In January, she had me falsely arrested after she is the one that hit me. I had photos and thankfully my attorney got it dismissed. I later found court documents showing she had been involved with nefarious activities in her country before she ever met me online. She had actually told me the story herself once. When I confronted her with the documents she denied everything, even while looking at the actual court docs.

The final straw was her 14 year old daughter being sexually assaulted. My wife tried to cover it up because she was worried about her image as a mother. I called the police myself and took her for a rape kit. Three weeks later my wife was allowing the same dangerous behavior again like nothing happened. I packed my bags that night and left while she was asleep.

That was Mother's Day. I slept in a ball in the front seat of my truck.

This past week has been one of the most surreal experiences of my life. She went to a buffet on Mother's Day. Laughed on camera. Sent me a text with a nursing school award. Then when the reality started hitting and the love bombing started, including false accusations that I was cheating and that’s why I left.

Back in January after the false arrest, she promised therapy and never went. She had a 15 minute therapy intro call and immediately used it as a bargaining chip to try and get me to come home without even attending therapy.

I spent this weekend with my 4 year old son and my 12 year old stepson. We swam, went to the arcade, cooked together, laughed. When I dropped them off Monday morning my son and stepson didn't even want to go inside the house. My 4 year old didn't even want to hug his mother.

I'm exhausted. I'm broke. I'm heartbroken. I loved this woman and I gave everything I had for 8 years hoping she would become the partner I needed. She never did. She never was going to.

What kills me most isn't the financial devastation or even the false arrest. It's that I genuinely loved her kids. I took my stepdaughter for a rape kit when her own mother wouldn't protect her. Never even got a thank you. Not once in 8 years did I feel truly seen or valued.

This past week has been a rollercoaster of manipulation, love bombing, false cheating accusations, victim playing, gaslighting, lies, and performance after performance. I'm exhausted, broke, and heartbroken. I have tried everything imaginable to get her to understand why I left and simply does care. The only thing she cares about is who is going to drop off and pickup our son at daycare so she can see to her nursing. That’s literally it.

My questions for anyone who's been through this:

Did your partner ever genuinely change or was it always performance?

How long did it take before you stopped feeling responsible for their wellbeing?

For those with kids involved, how did you navigate co-parenting with someone like this?

And for anyone who rebuilt their life financially and emotionally after something like this, how did you start?

I always try my best to be a good man. I believe in doing right by people. I don't know how to reconcile being that person with the fact that I gave everything to someone who was running a calculated manipulation strategy from the moment she met me online.

Thanks in advance for your time. 

I don't even know where to start. I'm 50 years old, sitting in my RV at an rv park, and I just blew up my entire life. Or maybe I finally saved it, honestly can't tell yet.

I met my wife online. She was in a different country and I actually flew there just to see who she was. I just wanted to know if she was real. She seemed real. Warm. Loving. She also has two kiddos, ages 4 and 7 back then. I fell for it completely.

Then came a sob story about being evicted as her ex was no longer paying the rent and she couldn’t afford it on her salary. Long story short I filed a K1 visa and brought her to America. From the very first night here she threatened to call the police on me over nothing. I told myself it was the stress of a new country. I made excuses for years.

Eight years now I am carrying everything alone. Every bill. Every mortgage payment. A house she demanded that I couldn't afford. Her two kids that she had abandoned in her country when she moved here, I helped bring them over too. I even paid for her ex-boyfriend to join us on vacation in Cancun for three weeks and had to sleep next to the guy. I paid for all of it. Because that’s what she asked of me.

She enrolled in nursing school three years ago without telling me. Didn't discuss it. Just signed up. That one decision destroyed my business, my finances, my credit, and honestly my will to function. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since because I've been carrying a sinking ship alone while she went to class. Worse than that, it’s like she has blinders on completely and the absolute and only thing she cares about is school and nursing. I mean 24/7 at the expense of everyone including the kids.

And through all of this, she is constantly screaming and yelling at everyone in the house, the kids, me, anyone in her path. The gaslighting that made me question my own sanity for years. The complete and total refusal to ever take accountability for anything. Not once. Not one single conversation in 8 years where she acknowledged being wrong about anything.

Every conflict somehow ended with it being my fault or deflected entirely. I genuinely cannot recall one moment of genuine accountability in nearly a decade. If I brought up a concern it was twisted, minimized, or turned back on me within minutes. I stopped bringing things up because it was pointless.

In January, she had me falsely arrested after she is the one that hit me. I had photos and thankfully my attorney got it dismissed. I later found court documents showing she had been involved with nefarious activities in her country before she ever met me online. She had actually told me the story herself once. When I confronted her with the documents she denied everything, even while looking at the actual court docs.

The final straw was her 14 year old daughter being sexually assaulted. My wife tried to cover it up because she was worried about her image as a mother. I called the police myself and took her for a rape kit. Three weeks later my wife was allowing the same dangerous behavior again like nothing happened. I packed my bags that night and left while she was asleep.

That was Mother's Day. I slept in a ball in the front seat of my truck.

This past week has been one of the most surreal experiences of my life. She went to a buffet on Mother's Day. Laughed on camera. Sent me a text with a nursing school award. Then when the reality started hitting and the love bombing started, including false accusations that I was cheating and that’s why I left.

Back in January after the false arrest, she promised therapy and never went. She had a 15 minute therapy intro call and immediately used it as a bargaining chip to try and get me to come home without even attending therapy.

I spent this weekend with my 4 year old son and my 12 year old stepson. We swam, went to the arcade, cooked together, laughed. When I dropped them off Monday morning my son and stepson didn't even want to go inside the house. My 4 year old didn't even want to hug his mother.

I'm exhausted. I'm broke. I'm heartbroken. I loved this woman and I gave everything I had for 8 years hoping she would become the partner I needed. She never did. She never was going to.

What kills me most isn't the financial devastation or even the false arrest. It's that I genuinely loved her kids. I took my stepdaughter for a rape kit when her own mother wouldn't protect her. Never even got a thank you. Not once in 8 years did I feel truly seen or valued.

This past week has been a rollercoaster of manipulation, love bombing, false cheating accusations, victim playing, gaslighting, lies, and performance after performance. I'm exhausted, broke, and heartbroken. I have tried everything imaginable to get her to understand why I left and simply does care. The only thing she cares about is who is going to drop off and pickup our son at daycare so she can see to her nursing. That’s literally it.

My questions for anyone who's been through this:

Did your partner ever genuinely change or was it always performance?

How long did it take before you stopped feeling responsible for their wellbeing?

For those with kids involved, how did you navigate co-parenting with someone like this?

And for anyone who rebuilt their life financially and emotionally after something like this, how did you start?

I always try my best to be a good man. I believe in doing right by people. I don't know how to reconcile being that person with the fact that I gave everything to someone who was running a calculated manipulation strategy from the moment she met me online.

Thanks in advance for your time.