u/Afterguard

I think I may be experiencing misophonia for the first time in my life, and what makes this especially confusing is that the trigger is not a “typical” unpleasant sound, but the voice of a coworker.

This coworker has honestly become one of the main reasons why I’m considering leaving my job. And the strangest part is that, until now, I had never experienced this kind of intolerance toward a person’s voice, or toward sounds that most people would consider completely normal.

He comes from another region of my country and has a very recognizable accent. Since I was younger, certain accents or speech patterns have sometimes triggered ASMR in me, and it was usually something really pleasant. But this experience feels completely different.

At first, I thought I was experiencing the same kind of ASMR response, but over time I realized it was becoming invasive, persistent, and mentally overwhelming. His voice completely hijacks my attention to the point where I can barely focus on what I’m doing.

I’ll try to describe the specific things that trigger me, because I’m curious if anyone else experiences something similar.

The first thing is the nasal quality of his voice. It’s extremely nasal, and for some reason my brain becomes obsessed with the fact that he sounds slighlty congested even though he clearly isn’t sick. He’s not coughing, he’s not dealing with a cold, yet his voice constantly sounds almost blocked or stuffy. My mind gets trapped in this strange contradiction every time he speaks.

Then there’s his breathing. He breathes very loudly, with mouth and saliva sounds that feel incredibly intrusive to me. Most people either don’t make those noises or make them much more subtly. He also sighs deeply all the time, even when he’s not speaking, almost as if he’s permanently exhausted or preparing himself to talk. I hate because my brains is like "there's not reason to make such noises... why does he?"

And that’s another huge trigger: his voice constantly sounds tired. Not just nasal, but weary, breathless, drained, bored. Sometimes it even sounds artificially calm or artificially gentle, as if he’s forcing a soft tone of voice. The strange thing is that he sounds completely exhausted while still talking normally, joking normally, behaving like a healthy person with normal energy levels. That contrast drives my brain insane. He sounds as if he can barely stay awake, yet he keeps talking continuously like nothing is wrong.

The rhythm of his speech also affects me a lot. Before speaking, he takes these very deep inhalations, then says entire sentences while sounding almost like he’s holding his breath, only to release all the air afterward in long sighs or heavy exhalations. The result is this strange mix of whining intonation, breathlessness, sighing, and low-energy delivery that creates an overwhelming feeling of fatigue and negativity in me.

Another trigger is the pronunciation of certain consonants. I know it’s simply part of his regional accent, but my brain reacts to it as if certain sounds are being pronounced “incorrectly,” even though rationally I know they aren’t. My attention locks onto those sounds immediately and I can’t stop noticing them.

The worst part is that, because of how emotionally intense this reaction has become, it sometimes genuinely feels as if he’s doing it on purpose. Rationally, I know that makes no sense. He has absolutely no idea what effect his voice has on me, and he couldn’t possibly know. But my brain interprets the way he stretches words, sighs, breathes, and emphasizes certain sounds as something intentional, almost aggressive.

Sometimes it no longer feels like he’s talking in order to communicate. It feels as if he’s talking in order to mentally wear me down or crush me internally. I know that sounds irrational, but that’s honestly how powerful the reaction feels in the moment.

It also doesn’t help that we already have a bad relationship for unrelated reasons, which probably amplifies everything even more.