Should I just tell my children that grandma is not a good person?
I mostly keep my children in the dark about how I feel about my mother.
However, whenever she is present (unfortunately, can't completely be avoided) she always tries to give my children snacks and junk food. She doesn't even ask. She just tells them they can have it. And when they go near her, they now expect it.
I am okay with my children having it under my discretion occasionally, just not all the time and certainly without passing it by me first.
My oldest are five and three and my youngest is one so wouldn't understand anyway.
What annoyed me in particular was when I told them no, grandma shouted, "That's okay, your mom will bring it later."
I am going to tell them they need my permission or mom's permission to take food, but I wonder if I should tell them about grandma? I try not to poison the well, but she is literally trying to poison my children against me and I am sick of it. I also need to be careful to say it in a way where they won't repeat it to her.
I also do not deprive my children. They get small portions of fun snacks once a day. But her occasional snacks are overkill with what I already gave them. I'd even be okay if it was given to them at a later time at my discretion, but I feel she wants it to be associated directly with her.
(Funnily enough, she gets offended when you call actual junk food "junk food" and tries to rationalize how it "actually isn't that bad" while she feeds my nieces Ramen and other junk for ALL their meals.)
Talking to her directly won't accomplish anything and will likely just lead to me exploding because I can't handle being around her. So I need to avoid her. But I am going to be the "bad guy" anyway when all I am doing is trying to watch out for my kids.