u/AgGirl2223

Hello,
I am an ophthalmologist working in a European country, and I completed my residency about four years ago.
During my residency, I really enjoyed performing cataract surgery under the supervision of senior colleagues. I found the surgical aspect of ophthalmology very rewarding, and I had hoped to continue developing my surgical skills after finishing my training.
Unfortunately, shortly after completing residency, I had two babies very close in age . At that time, I received a very brief period of surgical coaching from another ophthalmologist at my hospital. I then had two cases of posterior capsule rupture, and after that, no one was really willing to supervise or coach me anymore. As a result, I gradually stepped away from cataract surgery and eventually stopped trying to pursue it.
Last year, I also became ill and had to undergo several surgeries myself. I am still not completely recovered. Despite everything, I have continued working throughout this period, but I have become increasingly frustrated with my professional situation. I currently refer essentially all surgical cases, which is particularly frustrating because, as a general ophthalmologist, I had really wanted to continue performing cataract surgery.
I am also wondering whether there may be an issue with my binocular vision. I had strabismus treatment/occlusion during childhood and have anisometropia. This never really bothered me during residency, but when I started operating, I noticed that I sometimes struggled to accurately judge depth and distances. I wonder whether this could be contributing to my difficulties in surgery.
I am still young and I have to admit that I often find myself thinking that I cannot imagine continuing like this for many more years, doing only medical ophthalmology. I feel that I have lost an important part of what made me enjoy ophthalmology in the first place.
Unfortunately, I also sometimes feel that my current situation may be convenient for the other ophthalmologists in my workplace, because they receive more surgical cases as a result. This makes it even harder for me to know whether I am genuinely not suited to surgery or whether I simply have not been given the opportunity and support needed to regain my skills.
There is no surgical fellowship available in the country where I currently live. I would be willing to go abroad for a fellowship or additional surgical training, but I honestly do not know how to approach this or where to start.
I am wondering:
Should I try to return to cataract surgery and give myself another chance, perhaps with proper supervision and structured training?
Or should I accept that surgery may not be the right path for me and move on?
Would it make sense to pursue a cataract surgery fellowship abroad?
Could I realistically consider returning to residency/assistant training for a period of time in order to gain more exposure to surgical cases and pathology?
Should I have my binocular vision assessed to determine whether it could be contributing to my difficulties with depth perception?
How can I rebuild my confidence after having had complications early in my independent surgical experience?
I also sometimes feel inadequate because I do not have a subspecialty. I know this may not be rational, but I sometimes feel that I am not particularly useful or that I have not developed a clear professional identity.
I feel quite lost at the moment and would really appreciate an honest perspective from ophthalmologists who may have experienced something similar.
If you were in my position, what would you do? Would you try again, seek additional training abroad, return to a more supervised surgical position, or let cataract surgery go?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.