u/Agent-gentille

Coucou,

Je ne sais pas si poster ici va aider mais je voulais tout de même tenter ma chance.

Je un étudiant belge à la recherche d’une alternance à Paris ou dans les alentours.

Je cherche depuis février, que ce soit sur LinkedIn ou spam les offres sur les job board. Pour le moment j’ai que des refus, je voulais poster pour voir si vous sauriez m’aider.

Ca paraît un peu culotté je sais, certain d’entre vous recherche aussi une alternance.

Vous avez des conseils ou même des connaissances qui pourrait être à la recherche d’un alternant ?

Bonne journée à vous :)

I am writing this without a real goal, I just want to rant.

At the end of February my (F21) girlfriend (ex I guess now, still difficult to say and write) broke up with me (M22) after almost 4 years. I had spent the last 3 years of my life in university, but i had 2 subjects i just couldn't pass, i had good grades for the rest, just those two. When I entered university, a new law was passed in my country to "cut costs", a student must pass all subjects of each year in 2 years or less. Those two subjects were from 1st and 2nd year, in the end of my 3rd year, i did not pass them either, so, they said that I either pay a full tuition (most of the cost of studies are paid for by the government) which was 8-9k for the 10 last credit, I did not have that kind of money, so they kicked me.

This hit hard, I had lost my appetite, my motivation was gone and I was scared. My ex was supportive but she also had doubts about what would happen. (We were in a long distance relationship, me in Belgium, her in France.) She is currently in 4th year dentistry, which is a very competitive domain and I was super proud of her for doing to much and still having time for me. I decided, after a long talk with my parents, to take a year for myself, find a job, work on my Microsoft office skills... it was difficult, i felt like i was falling apart and I had no futur. My ex was getting sort of distant at the time, i always send the good morning text, even when she was in china with her family (6h ahead of me) and i felt like the conversation was sometimes forced but it was okay when we saw each other.

I had also planned a trip to china alone (which i am foing now) for 25 days. My motivation was her and i was excited to be able to dhare all my experiences and photos with her. In February, she broke up with me, i was sort of expecting it, the reason was obvious, we were 4 years apart in our studies, she felt like i had been left behind in thei "race of life" and she didn't want to continue with me, which i understand. We saw each other a few times after that, as i was planning on moving to her city to start over in my studies, but even now its not confirmed since i need to get a internship position in a company so they help paying for my studies.

(Sorry the passing of this story is all over the place, i am just typing while i think)

I am now 10 days into my china trip and i feel so alone, i had planned a few activities and restaurant but it's difficult to get up in the morning and get going, i still send pictures to my ex and we have nice conversations, but it's just not the same, she says she is still talking to me so much because of the trip, and once i get back, it will be less frequent.

I am not good at talking about my feelings, to family or friends, they feel close but distant at the same time. I still have 15 days to go, and not one day i have not thought about wanting to go home.

I have also been getting thoughts of death more often, just end it and the loneliness will be over, I know, for now, that i do not want to end it, the thoughts are just present.

She wants to go no contact in july, which I am dreading, while still keeping the thought of going to study in her city. Even now, 8 months after the end of my university life and 2 months after the breakup, i have less motivation, more often that not the loss of appetite, i feel like throwing up when i eat but i am also very hungry at the same time. I have not seen a therapist yet, i kind of want to after my trip, but it's syill 15 days from now.

I know I am not alone, my mother has been very supportive, she knows what its like to be left and end a relationship, but she has to work most ofnthe day out i dont want to bother her too much.

I still have hope in my heart of getting back together with my ex, but day by day, it just gets more painful. I have a difficult time crying also, so i feel like the stress and feeling are just piling up.

Sorry that was long, thank you for reading to the end :)

I hope the best for each and everyone of you, since I imagine you are on this subreddit for a reason.