u/Aggravating-Rice-536

Recently, gw ngerasa gampang banget putus asa buat ngelakuin sesuatu yang produktif. Even a single mood reducing word could be a great wall that stop my steps.

I know that my mental health not really at a good state, but clearly it can't be a strong reason to not stay productive. Gw masih nganggur sejak tahun lalu (atau bbrp bulan lalu?) akhirnya kicked out from a job pdhl baru satu bulan (gw pernah curhat itu juga di sini, and the reason was reasonable). Penghalang terbesar lebih ke mindset yg susah diubah, kayak minim perasaan buat berubah, mungkin gw terlalu comfy ama state yg skrg? Sampe gw sadar tabungan gw dah tipis hehe.

For the productive stuff, gw bahkan ga kepikiran buat hunting jobs. Sekalinya kepikiran, trus lupa (literally gone of my head), seakan otak gw nganggep itu ga penting. Bahkan ngetik cv aja kayak disuruh revisi skripsi setebal buku sejarah. Dan meme job application become scarier, literally my head going numb and the heart become a heavy metal drum. I screwed

The other wall is that i am struggling in my own faith, yes i believe in god, but kinda far from him and not too obedient as a servant. Ortu gw yg kadang gw liat terlalu menyangkut-pautkan segala hal ke agama (that influence the way i think tho, sometimes), even biased on some religion figure, they pushed me to do daily 5 per day praying which i have to do as i believe in the god but i don't, without really knowing why (sometimes i feel its not helping me, and sometimes it brings back an old trauma). Yeah i've confess that this one is a personal thing, they pretend to say yes today then keep pushing on another day. Maybe i have to try to live by myself?

As a grown ass dude, 24 yo, sometimes i forgotten that im not a teen anymore. Throwing tantrum even not that dramatic, lock myself in my room after lose an argument, jilat ludah sendiri, use emotional over logic, etc. Those things which if i wonder my dad rough enough, he's gonna ground me.

What way i can choose to change this static living life? Any suggestions, online slap, advices please...

Thanks anyway