AITA for asking my partner to go back to work as he works on his online business attempts
My partner is thinking I am but I’m not that sure so let’s put this into Reddit users hands 😅
Background: When my partner and I started dating, I was a single mom, with a good job so was able to support me and my son without issues. He was working in IT and I loved our conversations around work and work ethic.
During the past years we had a second boy together. He lost his job then found another one in IT where he was treated v badly and was forced to leave when they changed his role from remote to in office (office was far away and travelling costs would have eaten all his salary). I’ve always been the breadwinner as my job pays more and that’s fine but he’s always helped with small expenses and groceries.
After leaving his latest role, he said he didn’t want to go back and work for a corporate due to his previous past experiences and because he doesn’t want to “work to make someone else rich”, and asked me to sustain all our family living costs for 3-4 months while he gave it a shot at turning his video editing hobby into a career but also set up an online business. I agreed to that, on the premise he’d look at jobs if that didn’t work out within a few months.
It’s been almost 10 months and the video editing didn’t take off, and the online business is not yet live. He did put in lots of hours and hard work but it’s not working.
Now due to living costs going up and my salary staying the same, I’m really struggling. I’ve asked him to help me out - he said he’s looking for video editing jobs. I’ve asked him to broaden the search to IT remote jobs as I do need help (paying for two infant schools, all bills, car payments, groceries etc - I’ve stopped all kind of shopping years ago, cancelled subs and started going to a cheaper supermarket as well).
He says I only value him for how much he makes - yet I am fine with whatever job he’d find, if he was to be a shop assistant or a bartender or whatever, I’d support him. I’m not after gifts at all, I don’t expect him to cover all costs like I’m doing now - just help me out. Even a part time position so he can keep developing his ideas on the side.
I’m so stressed and exhausted.
He says I’m being selfish, I’m only thinking about the kids and not him (as a mom, I do love my kids and if they need attention, I prioritise them cos they’re little - and him being always at the laptop means I’m either working or cooking or doing chores or staying with the kids), that I don’t support him as I should and don’t believe in his capabilities (I do see his hard work, but also the lack of results - as a person, I’m not one to flood you with caring words, I’m honest and blunt, I’m the one who tells you to “do something about it” instead of complaining). He says I should be grateful he stayed even when I had a child (!) and that he puts up with my family (I see my parents and siblings usually every 3 weeks I’d say, he doesn’t like them so doesn’t join me often which is totally fine). I get along with his so no issue there.
He thinks I’m ungrateful as he is spending so much time building this online business that will support our family one day, and said “go ask people” so here I am.