Is it wrong to not want bfs daughter getting into my personal belongings?
My bf and I live together and he has his daughter every other weekend, and split holidays and summers. She's 10 years old.
Recently I was reorganizing my bathroom cabinet because I bought a new organizer with drawers and stuff. I laid out all my things (everything from hair accessories, dental stuff, makeup, skin care, etc.) on my bed. I stopped when everybody woke up to go make breakfast. As I'm cooking bfs daughter comes into the kitchen to tell me she organized my stuff by brand and put some of it away for me. I have a problem disciplining her so I think this part is on me, I could have told her not to do that but I just said oh ok, I'm going to put all of those things away when I'm done cooking, thank you though. She was excited and had already done it so I felt very awkward.
She comes back a few minutes later with an eyeshadow kit, opened and pointing out to me the one that she likes. I said yeah I like that one too, you just have to keep it closed so we don't accidentally touch it with dirty fingers, or drop it.
We have had issues in the past with her getting into things that aren't hers. The way the kitchen is set up, bf had a cabinet for him and his daughter and I have a cabinet for me and my son (adult age, starting college this fall). She is so comfortable in my home (which I love, to a point) that she will just open up my cabinet (she knows the difference between the two) and take something out, asking if she can have it. She'll then want to go ask my son if she can have it because it's usually his snacks that she finds.
I used to buy stuff for her when I grocery shopped, however every week I send my bf a bill for his portion of the food, and when I was buying things for her he would complain the bill was too high. So I said fine, buy her lunches and snacks yourself. I should add that she is very picky and won't eat about 90% of anything I would normally cook. I used to buy quick things i know she likes because of this. Now she never has anything when she gets here so she starts rummaging through my stuff. My bf will come ask can she have these chips? And i say sure, but this is why i used to buy her stuff. Because now somehow i am the one that doesn't have a snack.
She will also take my phone if i leave it on the counter, and hide it from me. To her it's all in good fun, to me it's annoying. I've asked her not to. She will try to see my lock code when i unlock my phone and i have to tell her you don't do that, it's rude. She will grab my phone if i sit it down and try to unlock it herself. I have gotten texts before and if she's sitting next to me she'll say who's that? Or she will try to read it. I explain to her why that's not acceptable. My bf also will tell her and has talked to her multiple times.
How do i set firmer boundaries without sounding like an evil step mother?