why won’t he have sex with me? what wrong with me?
38F / 40M been together 9 years. recently has two kids, and this man will not touch me. he will happily accept oral, but offers me nothing, not even a back rub. i’ve literally asked straight out, and get nothing but excuses. he just uses me as a flesh light. and not like oh we’re in a slump, i’m taking the last 2.5 years.
i’ve questioned is he just not attracted to me anymore? I struggled with ppd with our last baby. he’s gone as far as to blame it on that. “you don’t come off sexy when you look like you wanna jump out the window the last six months.” - okay, point taken, but again no matter how unsexy I was for any type of attention, he happily accepted every “unsexy” bj.
i’ve wondered if there’s someone else? everyone has needs so who is filling his cup? plus I know that’s a thing. men/women cheat and to avoid guilt or repetitive guilt they refuse to be intimate fully with their partner. idk but any ideas on how to fix it? any time I bring it up it turns to any argument bc it’s blame game. I just want my partner back, I want to feel wanted, and sexy. and I just can’t seem to get it.
honestly what motivated this post is last night for the first time in a long time I caught him checking me out and I commented on it. we both flirted about it and then got wrapped up in the kids. I had this vibe like okay, maybe tonight. so I skipped my dinner to shower and shave and moisturize, the whole girly thing. well bed time went to shit, and I ended up passing out as he was re rocking our son for the third time. I woke up bummed but felt like okay nap time? so nap comes and, I ask for a back rub. he agrees, no hesitation, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I stripped down to my underwear, and he stayed on my back. I asked for him to tickle my legs. normally he’d wander, a boob grab, go a little high in between the thighs. and that starts things off. well, not this time. he stayed between the lines, in every way. never made a move. and I just feel dumb and deflated. I know I should be asking him, but I have and he won’t answer. so here I am…..why doesn’t he want me? my gut says someone else. thoughts? advice? - signed a woman who hasn’t been touched since nov 2025.